OMFG this shit was so funny I have to tape it.
Crowded park, saturday evening, just as it's getting dark.
I'm dressed nice, as usual, and walk through the park. My whole routine went like this.
I'd approach a girl sitting down by herself.
"Hey, I'm homeless, trying to sell some weed to get something to eat, think you could help me out?" as they skeptically, warily, ponder for a second, I sit down next to them.
After a couple of jokes, I'd try to lie down in the grass or on the bench, claiming I was tired and hadn't slept in three days (plus she was sitting on my usual bed area of the park).
Me: "listen... in a purely non-sexual [say it funny] way, can I lay my head your lap? Seriously, It's warm and comfortable, and I'm cold and uncomfortable right now. Seriously [mostly straight face]"
Usually she'd say yes.
Then I'd start complaining "Shit, you're not as comfortable as the last girl," and start moving around and complaining about random shit. (For a girl with big tits).
"Jesus, can you get those boobs out of my face, I'm trying to sleep and they're a total distraction", shit like that. They were usually laughing out loud by this time.
Then I'd be like "my hand is freezing, can you hold it."
Then, "Jesus, this is such a great position to get girls from, I look like I have a kinda cute girlfriend." and start checking out other girls.
I got 3 kiss closes in one night and two #-closes (when they went to leave): "I'm a buddhist, give me a kiss" and look at her lips. They all lip-kissed me, and I'd be like "Holy shit, you're a seductress! I meant the cheek... Buddhist monks aren't allowed to have sexual intercourse" Then usually funny responses when she points out kissing isn't sexual intercourse.
And one girl went home with me to smoke weed
It might sound weird in text, but visualize it, with a constant smirk on my face, this shit is ace.
To overanalyze it, you demonstrate:
Humor.
Confidence.
Such high value (presumably) that you'll (half-seriously) claim the exact opposite.
And the way of saying so seriously that the last girls were more comfortable is both negging and DHVing at the same time.
And trust me, it's funny as shit. By the time you're onto like #4, you're in such a good mood, they wanna fuck you just for you're frame.
It's fucking ace I swear. I SO need to tape this.
CHAT