I’ve been doing more sarging and sharpening of my skills than posting … which should be the case for all coz we don’t want to stay indoors on our PCs feeling good about the success of others.

So, anyway, there’s this hired gun who works for a burger joint directly opposite the supermarket I get my groceries from. I haven’t really been one for hired guns as it’s a fine line between customer service and whatever else. But this HB is a 9, has these dark do-me-right-now eyes and a cute smile and will be my first hired gun. So, HB9mm it is…the supermarket is in a mall with offices going up to the rest of the building. I work in one of the gigs in the building and usually in formal gear, ties and suits. I’ve bought burgers from the store before and negged her about them tasting like salted cardboards but never gone far beyond that.

last Saturday I’m shopping for stuff for my house and I get to the counter when she sees me and holds my stare for a few seconds then looks away. I pay the war pig at the supermarket counter but before I walk away I tell counter-girl her hair looks nice. Now, counter-girl is a Muslim and wearing her headscarf so she breaks down laughing. Good DHV making an HB laugh, so with war pig still laughing, I walk over to HB9mm and she OPENS ME…

I digress but over the last few weeks, I’ve started effectively using a certain technique. Don’t remember who’s behind this style but credit to you, soldier. I pepper my sentences with interesting things that HBs can ask me about. It’s best to use that word or situation in the last part of your sentence. Anyway…she opens me,

“You look different in jeans.”

Me, whipping out my phone and pushing my trolley like I don’t care. “I don’t like dressing up to buy potatoes.”

Laughs… “Potatoes? So you can cook?”

By now, im looking at her straight and my train of thought is fast getting off the rails coz this HB is smoking hot!!! I’d sell my older brother at discount to hit this. Anyway, I ignore her question and ask her instead

“Do you actually like these burgers…like, do you ever eat them?”

HB9mm: laughs “Yeah...”

Me: “You don’t sound too sure…how about I get you one just to prove it?”

HB9mm: smart ass…

I tell her with a naughty grin that I’m serious but won’t buy her one unless she swallows, which makes her smirk and raise her eyebrows. I time-constraint with a yarn about having friends coming over in the afternoon when a couple, a guy in his early 20s with his girlfriend (a blonde 7) stand behind me to order. I learnt last Saturday, especially with hired guns and day-game, gold is to go in there all decked up in full camouflage with guns blazing, take those IOIs prisoner, number or k-close the HB and GTFO before shit hits the windmills.

I turn and smile to them and say in a way that HB9mm can hear me:

“Sorry, making quick plans for the night…I hate visiting her at work.”

HB7: “No, take your time…”
“Never mind, man” the guy says but it comes out all AFC and I turn back, he ain’t pivoting in my game. Better leave before CSI AFC pick up my DNA all over this bitch. So I nod in AFC’s direction and turn back to HB9mm and smile.

HB9mm stares at me like I’m full of shit and whipped cream at the same time. Don’t know what that’s like but I wouldn’t recommend it. Really.

Me: “Hun, have to rush…”

I give her my phone and smile … then point at it, mouthing the words, “your number.”

She looks at me with unbelieving eyes and gives me back my phone. I save her digits, dial and step aside,

Then she says something that surprises even me…

HB9mm: “You want me pick up a movie?”

Her phone rings. She turns to answer…I get a chance to think on my feet and palms

I laugh and put my hands up in mock surrender, “God, please, not another war movie!!”

She laughs; I look at the HB7 and AFC, blink like a kid then walk away. AFC looks like he’s just realized he’s an AFC. Would pay top dollar to post the look on his face on this forum. Coz, you see, when an AFC realizes he’s one, the scene can be memorable…it’s like you’re playing softball in the park while some other guy’s topping the scorers’ chart in a professional league. With a contract. I remember when it happened to me but I don’t dwell on the past – especially if it’s nasty.

I text her Saturday but called her Sunday afternoon TELLING her I’ll see her after 9pm Monday – when we’re both done working. She asked me to pass by during my lunch-break Monday; I told her I was too busy and couldn’t afford her expensive burgers.

When i came ot Asia - Malaysiain particular, I thought HBs in Kuala Lumpur just didn’t get it. But after some hits and misses, correction of the heat-seeking missile and letting go of Asian society’s hold on being expressive, I’m making fast inroads. Let go of the fear and its will return the favour.