So, after work I grab a taxi back to my place. Fix myself a bite and change into a t-shirt, jeans and sandals, put on all my multi-coloured ethnic bangles, necklaces and ruffle my afro. The only thing missing is the smell of a budget airplane and I’d be the business. I head to Chinatown, where backpacker HBs are outnumbered only by knock-off Prada loafers and Rolex pieces.

By the time I get to Chinatown its 10.20PM and the streets are crawling with HBs in hot pants and bareback tops. It’s like a street dancefloor… I see two HBs, an 8 with a nose-ring and a 9 whose body has more curves than the F1…they’re both trying out sunglasses under a spotlight.

ME: Have you seen a dog around here?
HB8: Erm…no?
HB9: Have you lost your dog?

I run my hand through my afro and look down and up the street in frustration.

ME: No, there’s these two blind girls trying out sunglasses at night and I’m thinking their dog must be around here somewhere. (I follow this up by locking a stare with the HBF1).

The HBF1 laughs and gets it immediately while HB8 just stares at me from behind her dark glasses.

ME: Hey, Terminator … nice dress.
HBF1 (laughing): What’s your name?
ME: Need a tattoo?
HBF1: I don’t think so
ME: Sure?

I take her right hand, lift it above her head and turn her round.

ME: Where do you want my name?

She starts laughing…

HBF1: Nowhere!
ME: (to HB8) are you shy? (I dropHBF1’s hand but still hold on to it, talking to HB8)
HB8: No, I got a tattoo in Thailand …blah blah blah qualifying
ME: You guys eaten or are you saving money for sunglasses?

HBF1: We just ate … just looking around passing time.

To cut a short story even shorter, they bought their sunglasses, I negged them about it and took them to a bar where I did some kino on HBF1. HB8 was giving me IOIs, touching my afro and asking how long I’d kept it, tugging at my bangles …

I #closed HB8 but only because I needed a sense having achieved something on the night.

ME: How long you in Malaysia?
HB8: About a week, you?
ME: I’m going to Singapore on Friday … I’ll give you a buzz tomorrow. (Gave her my phone and she gives me this +353…international line, she’s from Ireland. PUAs in Dublin, I have the full number if you're interested LOL!!!).

Couldn’t isolate either on the night, was having real fun with both of them and woke up this morning wondering whether I missed out on a threesome.

Beautiful opener.

I wouldn't have bought their glasses though. You could have let them "tag along" to the next place you were going. Remember, they're backpackers, so they're far less likely to have firm plans beyond a plane ticket. If you got them to tag along to the next place, ask them how adventurous they are, and offer to show them someplace cool in your city by night.

Having a wing on call would have been good DHV and allowed you to isolate. Just reply to a pretend text and "happen" to run into him at the pub.

But, like I said, that was such a beautiful opener...