You’re Better Than You Think You Are
12 August 2011, 12:14 am
I was recently coaching a client who said at the end of the workshop ‘I’ve improved heaps…my conversation skills are much more refined, I’m so much more relaxed when I’m talking to girls now, I’m comfortable getting sexual…but when I was watching you in field it just showed me how far I still have to go. I can’t wait till I have your skills….’
I thought this was an interesting thing to say, because I related to it on some level. To me, this idea that ‘I’m still not very ‘
good’ at seduction’ is one I see guys actually believing very often. I give it the same status as any of the other limiting beliefs that hold guys back such as:
- women don’t like to be approached
- women just want jewlery and money etc.
- I’m too short, too fat, not good looking enough
Many of those myths have been debunked and proven to be irrational fears by the seduction community, yet this belief that ‘I’m not yet ‘
good’ at pickup’ still runs rampant.
It’s a mental trap that is very easy to fall into, more so due to the fact that it feels true/real. It’s a strange paradox, very similar to the age-old question of ‘self acceptance vs personal growth’. I found it strange when that client said that, because from my perspective he already has a very high level of competency with his social and seductive skills.
One of the powerful mindsets that I had drilled into my during
The Masterclass by Shae Matthews was ‘You are perfect as you, and you already have everything you need within you to meet, seduce, and date beautiful women.’
Now of course that stands at odds with the fact that improving your success with women requires time, effort and determination. But the underlying idea is that you are already much more competent than you THINK you are, and much of your self-doubt is irrational and doesn’t correlate with reality.
Furthermore, the self-doubt itself actually perpetuates itself: because you THINK you’re ‘not good at pickup’, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. So much of my coaching revolves around guys just getting in touch with the fact that they already have what it takes to meet and seduce women, showing them their true potential.
I ended up telling the client that getting ‘good’ at seduction is a pipe dream.
There is no such end point. Everyone has doubts and fears, and if you want to improve your results, accepting that you will always have elements of those insecurities is a much faster way to move past them, as opposed to thinking that one day you will be ‘good at pickup’ and will never encounter those doubts.
It’s the same with approach anxiety. Even though I no longer identify it as anxiety and instead see that ‘butterflies in stomach’ as a firey inspiration to meet a beautiful women, the physical feeling is still there. I’ve just taken a new perspective on it.
The other example I gave him was how EVERYONE has those human moments, even pickup experts. Amongst our coaching team at
The Natural Lifestyles, we have some of the best seducers in the world; among our team we have experienced everything from managing harems of beautiful women, having countless rapid sexual encounters within minutes of meeting women, all the way through to solid long-term relationships and marriage. And even within this elite group of seducers, all of us have had moments where we compare ourselves to someone else or doubt our skillset or abilities.
On the first day of the Eurotour, one of our top coaches (and low energy master) Zanna said ‘Man, I’m a little nervous. I dunno how I’m going to go…I haven’t been out cold approaching for a while…’
I said ‘Well duh. You’ve just been busy with all your girlfriends.’
He smiled nervously, and shrugged. He was still a bit jittery, smoking more than usual, and clearly worried that he wasn’t
good enough at pickup. Over the next 10 days proceeded to sleep with countless Eastern European hotties. He somehow managed to end up in a kind of mini-relationship in almost every city we went to, staying with the girl and having her drive him around and feed him. My point is even a guy at this level still has doubts and fears.
Zanna on just another casual day at the pool on
The Eurotour :
Another time myself and James were in Sydney after a killer workshop, waiting for a cab at 4am. We saw a stunning goddess walk past and both checked her out. I told him I was going to pick her up and he laughed dismissively: he didn’t believe it was possible. Within minutes I was escorting her back to meet James, and having a quirky, strange conversation about yogurt dribbling on her ass with her on the street.
Liam in Sydney
James then seamlessly put us both in a cab back where we returned to my room for a sexy photo shoot, as detailed here:
my-goddess-4am-photoshoot-infield-video ... 98794.html
Again, James, one of the best Naturals in the world, still had his moment of doubt, and the subsequent feeling of ‘Liam did what I thought wasn’t possible!’. Everyone has these moments!
The difference that sets us apart as top seducers is that we accept these moments, we’ve come to terms with that voice in your head that tells you you’re no good, and we don’t let it control us or hold us back.
So my message is: you are already much better at socializing and seduction than the voices in your head would have you think.
This doesn’t mean you should stop pushing yourself to improve, it just means realizing that the idea that ‘mastering seduction’ somehow equals never feeling insecure again is a myth. Rather than striving to crush the fears, just recognize them for what they are: emotionally driven limiting beliefs that can skew your perspective about your level of competency.
Once you take on this mindset, the whole process of meeting, dating and seducing women becomes a whole lot easier, because you’re no longer wasting mental energy on beating yourself up or comparing yourself to others.
Source: Rapid Escalation 
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