long story short.. this chick (T) was my first girlfriend when I was in 7th grade. for a week. then she dumped me because all she was using me for making another dude (C) jealous. C in my mind is the prototype of the natural always winning the girls over the AFC-ish myself.
since that day of almost 15 years ago, I have had more relationships, had sex, broke up and been broken up with. I always accepted whatever happened and moved on with my life. I have a wonderful job that is the envy of everyone who knows me, I have learnt to game and picked up more chicks in 2 months than the typical AFC does in 2 years.
still, I know that deep down I still have traces of the 7th-grader who loses his first girlfriend to the natural alpha.

my jealousy, insecurity, lack of trust, ..., all of the bad stuff in the end all comes from that

it sounds totally fucked up.. it is.. but I have never fully gotten over that one episode in my life.. and I am afraid I never will!

any ways to successfully deal with this? I am able to (most of the time) get my jealous insecure self to sleep.. but every once in a while it comes back to life and makes a mess.. plus, it is not nice to have to always control a "dark side" of oneself.. I would much rather learn to live with that part of my past as I live with every other part of it: in a mature and detached manner..

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

You are like a sun at noon. Gone to its highest peak and radiates positive heat. But behind this magnificient aura, is a shadow it expresses. to deal with your "shadow", you need to accept that it is part of your life. You can't forget a memory that is full of emotions but you can STOP it from lingering in your mind. No positive or negative experiences shall be your basis in what YOU should do. Learn from bad events then do what you can to stop another similar event to happen in your life. Savour each moment, have fun. Be in the moment, that way, you can focus on what you do and stop other things from entering your mind. it is a tough exercise but if you mastered it, you can control your mind to its fullest (similar to monks in the mountains).

Seagull,

This is very common. Those hurt children inside us are still there along with all the other parts of us. This may sound really weird, but try literally talking to that 7th grade you. Or even write a letter to him. Act as if it's a real kid that you know and befriend him and be there for him. You'll be surprised the effect that can have.