Hey so I am currently studying abroad and have been here for almost three months. I met another girl from my country (U.S.), named Kayla. We hit it off the first few days and hung out, but nothing ended up happening. I think it is because when we were together, I started flirting with other girls in front of her to make her jealous. But I don't think that worked out very well. Eventually, our relationship (me and kayla) became very hot and cold. During the week, we would flirt but on the weekend, we would barely speak. We would see each other in clubs but never really talked. Actually I had chances to talk to her when we were out, but I didn't know what to say to her because I would just think too much. I can flirt with her when we're sober but not when we're out. I don't know why but I just freeze; I don't know what to say to her. Nevertheless, I am good friends with all of her friends and in good standing with them.

I have never had a girlfriends before and am still a virgin at 21. Thus, whenever I am talking to a cute girl, I get into this phase in which I think about every little encounter we have, just because I have a crush on her. I don't think I would do that if I had more experience.

My lack of experience with women is not really congruent to the way that I act. I look and act "normal." People that know me would be surprised if I told them I was a virgin or never had a girlfriend. I am able to communicate well with everyone I'm around and have many guy friends as well as friends who are girls.

Back to the story, because I think about every little encounter and whatnot, I thought it was interfering with my overall state of mind. I am only studying abroad for a semester and my main goal for the time being was to go out, get out of my comfort zone and have fun. And get better with women. Because I thought too much about her, I was straying away from my main goal. And that was not worth it. So then I completely stopped speaking to her for a few weeks, which was difficult because she lives in my building. It didn't seem like I was avoiding her, but rather we just never crossed paths.

But as of late, we started talking and flirting again. Last night, we ended up watching a movie. During the movie, an Australian girl took her top off. She then asked me if those were the first Australian boobs I had seen. I said no. (which is true because I saw a pair at a wet t shirt contest a few weeks back, but I didn't tell her that). I asked her if she had hooked up with any guys. She said yes, that she had just made out with one Australian guy. Right after the movie, she left and that was that.

I feel dissapointed that we have not hooked up yet or even made out. I feel like I should have enough skill to do that. We only have six to eight weeks left before we have to go back. Do you guys think I should still pursue this girl. Unfortunately, I have started thinking about her all the time again. Any suggestions on how to handle the situation??

Also, I always seem to get stuck here, whenever I'm gaming a girl. I can start out well, but I just hit a road block whenever I get to the mid game. Every time I get into these situations, I get so close, but nothing happens. I feel like my confidence is getting hit little by little. I need to get out of this rut. I'll feel a whole lot better about myself.

Please let me know your thoughts. I appreciate it. Also general feedback on myself would be good.

Thanks!!! Let me know!!!!!

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Wow, you sound just like me when I would meet women before all this stuff. Well, it sounds like you don't have much of a problem being a good friend and you obviously have comfort and rapport built with her or else she wouldn't be hanging out with you. What it sounds like you need to work on is Attraction skillsets.

The difference between someone becoming a girlfriend instead of a friend is going to be Attraction. Performing acts of kino escalation in order to let her know you're interested, as well as things that will DHV you, and other things.

Basic Formula

Attraction + Comfort = Girlfriend

Comfort Alone = Friend

Some equate this to mystery or whatever but it's been in existence forever in my mind. Basically, the bottom line is you need to do things to show that you are attracted to her. You need to flirt with her, you need to start working on touching her, you need to do things or tell her things to hit those attaction switches (Leader of Men, Protector of Loved Ones, Etc.)

When you are in that process one of two things will happen. A.) She will let it continue it's natural course and as you escalate things towards kissing and more. B.) She will tell you she'd rather be friends. Which is understandable cause you are friends and she may not want to screw that up with a relationship. Which basically is a reminder for next time to start with Attraction.

I do hope this helps you out. I don't get on here that often anymore and post but you seemed like you wanted some help.

best of luck,

JSmooth

I agree with you, JSmooth, that I am missing attraction from the whole equation. The problem is that I don't know how to keep the attraction going between us. We do flirt, but it's hard to keep consistnely flirting with her. As you said, attraction is a combination of things - DHV, story building, and other things. What always gets me is that - if I do keep learning these DHV stories and other techniques, the question becomes -- how many DHV stories do I have to tell in order for her to be attracted to me? And how long is the attraction going to last? I don't want that mind set because it does not feel fluid. I want to attract her consistently while not having the feeling of running out of stories to tell. If i tell her all the stories I know, what do we talk about next??
I guess that brings me to the main flaw - which is that I run out of things to say.

Nevertheless, based on our interactions and my social proof, she believes that I have options when it comes to women, that I am a sexual being and not desperate.

I was offered to go out with her and her friends tonight. I don't know if I should do that because I always freeze when talk to her when I'm out. I don't know why, but I just can't think of anything to say to her. Thus i'm thinking about not going out with them. (Also, she didn't invite me, one of her friends did).

Also, she's coming over this weekend to watch a movie with me.

Anyways, let me know if you have any suggestions on how else I should perceive the situation (in terms of keeping attraction going or me running out of things to say). Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

An update on our situation.
Last friday, I went out with her and her friends. Everything was going well, i was escalating and flirting with her (kayla). The last place we went to, however, 3 or 4 guys came up to her and started hitting on her - she knew them because they play frisbee together. I grabbed one of her friends (Carol) and we walked around the venue and played pool. I just hung out with her cause i didn't want to compete with the other guys - i didn't want to chase her because i felt like i didn't have enough experience in those type of situations to actually come out on top.

Nevertheless, she came to us (me and carol) later and asked where we went. She stayed for like a minute and left. When we all left, those boys who hit on her kept walking with Kayla and our group. I then went to bed once i got back to my room because i was pissed off (because at the time, it looked like she went off to one of those guys rooms). I found out the next day that the group stayed up all hanging out and that's all i know. She could have definitely hooked up with one of those guys. Also, on Saturday and Sunday, she hung out with the frisbee boys. It is Monday night now and we haven't spoke much since Friday night. I went to go watch a movie with the group of 6 girls (including Carol and Kayla) who i went out with Friday night, yesterday. But I didn't say anything, and didn't give Kayla any attention at all. I'm not sure if that's the right move I should have made, but that's what I ended up doing. I was still talking to other girls and laughing at the movie and whatnot, but i just didn't speak to Kayla (or look at her for that matter).

Anyways, tomorrow is Kayla's birthday and Carol asked me if I was going out with them to celebrate her birthday. I said, i'll have to check my work load (school) and perhaps I might join. I don't know if I should or not. Again, I haven't talked to Kayla since Friday night. I've been giving her the cold shoulder. I've done that because I had come to the conclusion that she isn't interested in me because she would have hung out with me Friday night or any other time in the weekend. But she didn't. And because she didn't, I decided that I was done pursuing her. Instead, I was going to pursue the other aspects of my life.

I still want to hear your guys' opinions on what I did right, what I did wrong, if I should go out tomorrow (which I free and able to do, kinda want to as well), how I should act around Kayla. Because I really don't know how I should act around Kayla. I just hate the thought of me being stuck in the friend zone, which I didn't think i was in because we flirted a lot and hung out a lot last week. I guess it is very possible that she was leading me on, and having fun while she was out with other guys.

Let me know what you guys think. Thanks!!!!!!!!!