Hey guys,

Brief intro;

Around 2 years ago I was told of Neil Strauss, and through research came to this site and discovered the world of PUA (some of you guys are insanely good by the way)! Now since then i've took note of advice, but not really developed my gaming skills, im notorious for instantly getting the case of oneitus with the first girl that looks at me haha. I know you guys can give good advice, and deemed this part of the forum relevant to my advice asking..

women really aren't the problem in my case. At the moment im studying at a University in England, living in student halls. Basically, as of recent I have been feeling extremely down. I have not attended University and therefore dont really do much in the day, and ive looked for jobs but to no avail. I dont really get on with my flat mates, not really connecting with any of them, and therefore tend to find myself not appreciating their humour and often entering into arguments with them all. Yet as I have no other friends I tend to hang out with them anyway. I dont know if they genuinely are a bunch of idiots, or its me being the idiot in this case and being too arrogant too notice.

Basically guys, Im looking for all the advice I can get. Maybe a way to change everything all around, find new friends, hobbies etc. Maybe even someone can give me a list of things to recommend to do. It would be massively appreciated and If things start going right, Id be more than happy to help others where I can.

Like I said, all advice would be appreciated people.

Cheers x

Also if you feel like you need more info to help me sort this, just ask, ill reply quick as im on here a lot. x

I have been in a very similar situation to you. In fact you could have been talking about me. I also still get really bad oneitis and become blind to all other females unfortunately.

The best thing I can advise is to join some societies. Do a martial arts one. The exercise will make you feel less down (it really does, this isn't just something people say to get you to exercise more, it's been clinically proven to have more effect than antidepressants). It'll also help with confidence, and try to join one that has a very active social committee. Some of them are all about going to practice and you won't get much talk from them; some of them will go for drinks after every practice and organise socials every few weeks.

Also try joining ones for whatever you are interested in, there is bound to be one for your hobby. Depending on the size of your uni there will be others interested in the same thing. If nothing takes your fancy then try some new things and see what you like.

You are in a very good position being at uni to socialise and find new people in this way.

I realise it's a bit late in the year for that now. When you say you haven't been attending, what do you mean? At all? Or just lately? Are you thinking of dropping out and getting a job instead?

What's very important, especially in a situation where you see a group every day (go to school with them, live with them, etc.) is to understand their social dynamics and change yourself to fit them. If you don't get their humor, try to understand why they find it funny and teach yourself to find it funny also. (You can actually change/develop your sense of humor). It's called adapting to your surroundings. You're not denying who you are, you are just expanding your social horizons.

If you don't adapt to them, they will hate you and you will hate them, and it will be a miserable experience for you. On the other hand if you find a way to get along with them, then you will be much happier and you may make some really great friends.

When I first went to my school, the social dynamics were completely different then what I was used to, and I was really out of place for the longest time. I hated them, I hated the school and I hated my life. But after about two years, I decided to just get the hell over it and try to fit in and conform to the school. I figured out what they found funny and tried to start making jokes like them, telling stories like them, even my vocal tonality and body language changed to fit in with the social dynamics. (But once I got around my old friends I was still the same guy I always was. So I didn't change who I was, I just expanded my social skills to fit more social situations. )Every since I have made tons of friends and I've had a much better time at school. I feel now like I belong there and will actually be sad when I have to leave. Huge improvement over where I was!

_________________
In order to get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.

Hey guys,

thanks for the replies;

Nah i've not been attending Uni at all, im resitting the year next year. Basically I went wild for the first month or so, and massively fell behind. Dont see it as a mistake, more a learning experience haha.

But yeah I like the idea of a martial arts, or any hobby in general. I just have a very large fear of going into a social situation, for example a society, on my own, like I might not fit in and im not generally witty so find it hard to blend.

But yeah, I will try fit in with their humour. Generally I get along with them on their own in small groups, but tend to argue as a whole.

Go to Yoga class 5 days a week. After 1 month you'll thank me. Its the ultimate source to vajin.

is the problem you or them ? Probably both. However if 5 of them are getting along fine and you are the odd man out, you know who loses. So, like the previous poster said, there are times when you just have to be a "regular guy". You have to conform a little bit on a superficial level.