Been hurt by an X that recently cheated on me 2 months before I go on deployment to Afghanistan. I know it wasn't meant to be, and there were plenty of red flags up about this girl, but I always have this way of making illusions in my head about how great it was. Any help getting her out of my head? Or ways to build my self esteem back up to not give a shit? New to this so any help would be fucking great right now. Thanks.

Hey this is a little touchy feely but if you have read any of my other posts then you know I am kind of a spiritual guy.

When you are hurting about something like that it is generally not the actual actions that are still hurting you. They are in fact over as the moment has passed. The pain you are suffering from right now is probably from all the "What Ifs" in your head right now.

What if I deserved it?
What if I am worthless?
What if I am not as good as the other guys?

Do any of these sound familiar?

The key to fixing this problem is actively reprogramming your brain to weed out these "negative self talk" patterns.

I borrowed this exercise from David D in "Double Your Dating" and have used it with extremely positive results.

Write down the negative "What Ifs" that you say to yourself on a regular basis.

Under each of these right three "positive self talk" options to replace them.

Negative Self Talk

"What if I am not as good as the other guys?"

Positive Self Talk
"What if she just didn't feel worthy of me and found solace in these lesser men"
"What if I just wasn't good enough at showing the true me to her? I will do better next time.?"
"What if this had nothing to do with me and her actions are a product of her childhood."

The important thing is that you catch yourself in the Negative and actively replace it with the Positive on a consistent basis! The fact is that you are making up a story no matter what you say in your head (roughly quoted from Ekhart Tolle)

With NSS you are going to suffer and feel hopeless to do anything about the situation because you have resigned to accepting this as "your fault" and/or stripped yourself of the power to change the outcome.

With PSS you will retake control and maintain confidence. It will inspire you to be an "on purpose person" and have a profound impact on your quality of life.

THIS METHOD ALONE ELEVATED MY CAREER/PUA/AND GOT ME OVER MY EX FIANCÉE.

I hope this has been helpful to you and good luck, my friend.

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You can't forget about me, stupid. Everywhere I go ima have my own theme music.

Thanks man. Yeah the what if game has been doing a number on my mind. I always like to think that even though I have problems, if the entire world put there into a pile, I would be happy to have just mine. I'm truly sorry about your ex fiance. I will try the PSS and see where it takes me. I'm going out tonight int ATL and going to see where the night takes me. Thanks for the help.