Hey guys,

I've recently been having a massive internal conflict and was seeing if anyone could offer advice or share their experiences with this. Before pick up I was content with where I was in life, which was really sad. I had no ambition, played video games all day, never went out, never talked to girls, and worked jobs I absolutely hated. I believe that this is a reason why I am still with many of my friends in the first place, I was content with them. After discovering Game, I am shifting my mindset towards the positive and am striving towards doing new things. I've picked up sports, learned to dance, and I am going back to school next year to earn another degree (a more useful one this time).

I was always the pushover in my group and feel like I'm constantly picked on within my social circle, these are with guys I've known for 10+years each. I know that part of bonding involves making fun of eachother, but there's a difference between busting on eachother's balls and picking on someone, and I've felt for a while that they have crossed that line. One of my friends constantly tells his other friends, none of which I know, about things that I've often been quite ashamed of in my past. This eventually leads them to form negative opinions about me or in other words DLVs me; so when I do meet them they already feel like they are better than me. The same friend recently got a gf and before I even met her, she already knows everything about me (none of which are good) so she already looks down on me and I've never seen or heard him talk me up. The sad thing is, I enjoyed the attention at first (even though it was negative) because it meant people were actually talking about me.

I was recently at a dinner with some of my old university friends and my usual social circle, and I was the center of attention, but not for the right reasons. It seemed like my friends were just laughing at my expense the whole time and I'm sure most people know here that people tend to follow the trend, so everyone was eventually laughing at me. I usually play it off as if it doesn't bother me, but it adds up after a while and starts to affect me a lot. This isn't a one time occurrence, like I said, I've known these guys for 10+ years, so it happens A LOT. I'd say for many years now. I often feel like I'm friends with them out of necessity rather than choice since this is my only social circle and I don't have too many friends.

I know that I'm supposed to be alpha and not let it phase me, but when I'm constantly bombarded with it, it starts to hit a chord. I want to confront them about this but I wouldn't even know how to bring it up, plus I believe that they would just laugh at me because I always played it off as if it didn't bother me, but if I suddenly bring it up they would think I'm some sensitive girl.

I guess what I'm trying to ask everyone is, where is your old social circle after you discovered Game? Are you still friends with all of them or did they disappear with your new lifestyle? If so, how's your new social circle? Should I just lay it all on the line, just tell them how it is, if they don't accept then move on?

_________________
"Nothing in this life quite compares to the sweet-terrifying exhilaration of making your move. When you just put it all on the line and go for it."
-Ted, How I Met Your Mother

Dude just ditch them, seriously, with friends like that who needs enemies? I've had friends I have ditched in the years, hell I'm 31 and rarely hang out with anyone I know even 5 years ago, most of my friends are newer. I've been in the same situation, funny thing is now most of these guys really let themselves go and are married to UGs lost all their hair, gained weight, jobless or shitty jobs, etc I'm doing much better than them.

You can make new friends via work, or hell, even if you go sargin, do it alone in a busy place it's ok I have, and during that, try to make friends with a whole group, even if you have to LJBF your target(to avoid the risk of anything negative coming between you and the chick, so don't loose your new friends).

Hell give it a shot.

I like the honesty of your post, I don't usually bother with forums, but hey - I thought that I would write anyway.

Personally, I'd call them up on it if i were you. I have obviously never seen them with you, but is it usually a couple of usual suspects who take the piss, and the others laugh along - or the whole group?

Chances are, whatever the answer - it isn't necessarily done out of menace towards yourself, more their own insecurities.

Don't feel bad about the whole PUA thing about being alpha and unreactive towards it. If it is happening to you enough, it will eventually strike a chord with you at some point.

As for my advice - only you can decide what to do about your social circle. You know the exact value that they have in your life. If they still act like nobs after you call them out, personally I would look to seek a new social circle. Don't get me wrong, it is a tough thing to do, but worth it in the end. Especially if all your current one does is make you feel like shit all the time - you don't want to live surrounded with negativity.

You could however work on acting more assertive. In turn, acting on your core confidence (im sure there are various resources on this forum to help you with that subject). Someone being assertive essentially comes from a place where they have a core confidence, it is not aggressive and most people will respect the fact that someone is assertive.

Ways in doing so to immediatly start with is to start acting more in that way. Be it by your mannerisms, body language, confident voice etc. Chances are, if it is noticeably different to what you do now your friends will try to drag you back down to how you were. Try not to let them.

Anyhow, to answer your question my pre-game social circle is kind of non existant. I have kept in contact with 3 of them, who are now better friends than ever. 1 happened to start doing game with me, and the other 2 were just really nice blokes. The reason why I left my old social circle was because they were ambitionless when it came to girls / socially. They resented the fact that I was trying to get succesful with women so I cut them out of my life.

As for my social circle now.. Well, I moved to uni, worked on game and created a massive social circle using game principles / forcing myself to be more social. It was very good, I could go out most nights with people if I wanted and I knew about half the barstaff in the city. Unfortunatly now, ive decided to stay and live in the city.. and about 90% of the people I knew have moved away as they have finished uni.. So like you, im now in the situation of creating a new social circle... again.

Here's to 2011 my friend.

I understand what you're saying, and I'm still thinking really hard about it. I'm more concerned about how you went about it? I would find it stupid to just drop contact out of no where with everyone. I like your other advice though. Thanks.
It's usually the same 2 or 3 people within my group of about 6 or 7 people that are always the initiators, then everyone else thinks it's okay so it ends up being a group thing towards the end. Sometimes, when we're with groups of people I just met (my buddies' gf's friends as an example), my friends just start bashing me right away then the group buys into it and eventually everyone is making jokes at my expense. I've lost quite a few opportunities with girls because they just laugh along with the group and make me feel so beta.

You're right about the value part, I do know how much value they hold in my life and I think that's going to play a huge factor in my decision...

_________________
"Nothing in this life quite compares to the sweet-terrifying exhilaration of making your move. When you just put it all on the line and go for it."
-Ted, How I Met Your Mother

This bit in particular reminds me of one thing. Is there any point being friends with people who you have nothing in common with? Being friends just for the sake of it because you cannot do any better or somesuch?

Some of the things you have described about your friends does not sound particulary friendly or supportive nor what anyone would expect of a friend and personally I feel I would rather be a loner given the choice.

Are these friends very much the "geeky" type of people, just out of interest?

It's not that I didn't have anything in common. We used to play video games together a lot in high school. We all used to be nerds in high school, well not nerds exactly: we weren't at the bottom of the social circle but we sat below average. Ever since I discovered pickup and decided that my life was too boring; I've picked up new hobbies, so I feel like a lot of the commonalities we once shared are all but gone. Unless you have another definition of geeky, because when you say geeky I think nerdy as well.


It's hard to deal with it, for some reason I feel as if they are going to fade into the background eventually once my pickup progresses, which after a lot of work on myself, I am finally able to start putting myself out there again (even found a good wingman).

_________________
"Nothing in this life quite compares to the sweet-terrifying exhilaration of making your move. When you just put it all on the line and go for it."
-Ted, How I Met Your Mother

I always thought of geeky and nerdy as the same thing really!

I relate - I was at the bottom of the social ladder at high school and since moving on to uni I strived to get in with people of higher social value (i.e. not the stereotype geeks/nerds/dorks whose geekiness you can detect a mile away, who seem proud of their social status, very quiet and not up for going out much never mind parties, and would actually ridicule anything PUA related).

Ever since I tried bradening my horizons I realised how much I want to avoid these sorts of people like the plague and not just for my own personal social status. (Never mind the fact the only females associated with them are plain fuglies devoid of personality!)

bro i know exactally what your going through..i went through the exact same shit when i was in high school...the group of friends i had always picked on me made fun of me and had a really negitive perception of me...it was fucked up cause it affected everything..i couldnt get a date at all in high school cause all the girls knew everything about me and also looked down on..when i started university it was soo much better i cut ties with these guys n after 4 years i feel like i have let go of a lot negitive energy that was in my life and i have become such a stronger person..im not limited anymore..u gotta do this for urself..as someone thats been through this shit trust me man u will feel soo much better and u can get some huge growth as a person but u gotta ditch these guys man...n think about it what kind of friends are they? they talk shit about u to everyone? that doesnt sound like what friends do man..trust me get rid of these idiots..oh n btw sounds to me like they have some insecurity issues if they are doing all this shit