I have social anxiety and will probably get onto this group therapy program for it soon.

I no longer feel that anxious in all social situations. I have a job where I talk to strangers all day and don't feel that anxious doing this, and I can meet new people quite easily one on one. My problems are when socializing in groups of people, where I get very quiet and self conscious, and also I have a lot of issues about people liking me and about making friends.

So I am very sensitive to the way people react to me...if I get interupted more than just occasionally or if someone doesn't reply to what I just said because they get distracted I take it very personally, and start thinking that I must be boring to talk to and can get quite depressed. If someone is not very polite to me, even if they are not actually rude as such, I feel like they didn't like me and feel like I must have come accross badly in some way. If a girl fancies another guy and not me, it gets me a bit down and makes me feel unattractive. If I make new friends, I start getting worried that they like each other more than they like me. Even with my girlfriend (when I had one), I would start getting paranoid that she didnt want to talk to me just because she was too busy to talk that day, even though I knew she loved me and we normally talked every day (ironically, I broke up with her).

Basically I think I have a lot of negative beliefs about how much other people like me or enjoy my company so I am wondering whether this is really the right time for me to be trying to improve my game? In my eyes it would be like trying to build a house on shakey foundations.

What do you guys think?

I'm no psychologist, by any stretch.

But I found the best way to overcome my own personal fears is "Bulldozer" style.

I think stopping would be a mistake, every fall you take thickens your skin, you start to realize how insignificant small setbacks are.

So, don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get going now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.
Do not rationalize your troubles into an excuse.

You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.

The thing is, when you go out of your comfort zone and it works! There's nothing more satisfying.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Yes. From my current understanding, to be successful in picking up women you must not be sensitive to what they will think of you or what their reaction to you will be. You even have to potentially not really listen to what they say and just keep ploughing through otherwise you will take the slightest hint of disinterest from them as a signal of 'no-go' and thus will not likely get anywhere with them most of the time.

You've got to treat it like a mission. You're not too anxious about talking to strangers all day for your job because it's, well, your job. So just treat talking to women the same way. You want to get laid? Well, suck up your sensitivities and go for what you want and deserve.

even if you're practising and getting nowhere bedauseyou're so nervous its still practise

it sounds like you have a lot of internal monologue going on in your head about yourself and thinking very negatively, I used to have the same thing and I promise you the sooner you get out of the habit of it the better. It does nothing for you.

If people don't want to speak to you they won't, it's that simple. If friends / girlfriends are taking time to be with you and contact you its because they want to, not because they feel sorry for you or anything else. Maybe in your mind you have a need to feel sad about something because of some bigger sadness / dent to your confidence in your life that you're having trouble expressing or coming to terms with, that's fine but it would be better to address that directly and accept that your friends and gf when you have one likes you for who you are and leave them out the self-punishment.

When you find yourself thinking about the stuff, stop the thought right where it is and think 'well, logically this doesnt make sense, if they didnt like me they wouldnt talk to me - I'm going to switch to a normal way of thinking' and then consciously move your thoughts on to something better. With a bit of practise this becomes second nature and your personality changes.

It's always a good idea to work on your inner game. You're actually right about the shakey foundations thing. I know that I spent months gaming in an okay way, unwilling to fully work out my inner game, and I got quite bland results.

But once I spent just about 3 weeks working on my inner game fully, I become a MONSTER. The shift was unbelievable. Working out your belief systems makes fast and incredible changes.

So yeah I say it's a good idea to work on your inner game and the thing about inner game is that as you work it out, you'll naturally get better social skills, feel more at ease in groups, and all your other insecurities will get worked out.

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