I've been studying this stuff for quite a bit. I'm getting better and better, but I think one thing that holds me back is inner game. This might seem like a dumb post to some, but I could really do with some help. I let my emotions take over me too much. It's like I can't help it, and I really want to change.

In the past I've suffered with depression. There was a point where I had no job, no friends, I was getting rejected or completely ignored non-stop, I had poor social skills, and I felt hopeless. I was seriously thinking about killing myself. I still don't have a job (I recently lost it), I only have a few friends, but I can get 1 or 2 dates per week now. I still get down sometimes over this shit, even though I can get the dates I still don't feel good about it because after a while the girls lose interest in me. I think about killing myself a lot, even though I try to stay positive. The only thing stopping me from actually doing it is the thought of what it would do to my family, I still feel kinda hopeless and as if I have nothing to live for. It's funny cos I don't feel upset, just sometimes don't wanna live anymore. Anyway, if I could sort my life out (get a job, build a good social circle, sort these anger problems out) and not be so hopeless then maybe these thoughts would stop.

I get paranoid about competing with other guys. I've had girls cheat on me, and I've had girls who were very interested in me at first end up going for other guys and putting me in the friend zone. It hurt me bad, fucking hate it. A lot of the time this was actually my fault for not escalating quickly enough, I know that, yet it still bothers me when I see a girl who is into me chatting to other guys and seem attracted to them. I get jealous. I know I shouldn't, and I should try not to let it bother me. I should go talk to a load of other girls and have the "abundance mentality". But my emotions get the better of me everytime, and I either end up trying to make the girl jealous or make her feel bad somehow, or I call her out on it. I end up acting like a dick, as much as I know I should just let it go and that it actually hinders my ability to attract the girl.

Another thing that winds me up is when a girl ignores my texts, same thing happens. I want her to text me back, and I know I should just let it go, wait a few days and then if she's worth the effort I should try and get her more interested. But I get frustrated, let my emotions take over, and end up calling her out on it. Sometimes if I'm feeling really down I turn into a complete dick and tell them to fuck off, I get so angry.

I know I'm acting like a dick, I don't want to, I'm ashamed. I have a good knowledge of game, I'm no master PUA yet but I can get quite a few girls and I'm pretty confident at first, and then these doubts come and I get insecure, frustrated and angry when situations like this come up. I guess the reason I do it is because I really hate being rejected, or put in the friend zone, so I do it first. I also think maybe I have an anger problem, I have a really short fuse.

I just want to sort this out, I don't know what to do. Maybe a dumb thing to ask, but I'm stuck here. Could anybody give me some good advice?

Depression has a way of tunneling under the foundation of your life, you can be working to build your castle from dawn until dusk, and wake up the next morning to feel like it's all collapsed. It's an illusion, every effort you make in your life to improve it is another brick in your palace, depression just makes it harder to believe that the forward motion you are generating is cumulative, celebrate in every effort you make to better your life, each one truly is a victory over your disease.

From one human being to another, if you are thinking of killing yourself, especially as a coping mechanism when you feel like things can't better, you must seek help. You're in danger man. I can tell you're an intelligent person, look at the facts, just read your post, you're obviously still battling joylessness. I've battled depression for years, and am proud to say that I now live an incredibly happy life, it's truly startling how wonderful being alive is when your body and mind are healthy. You can be happy again man, you can feel hope and optimism, you can enjoy the gift that is having been born each and every day you draw breath. You're not alone, your struggle is shared by many other people from all walks of life, don't feel like no one can understand, without even realizing it you are standing shoulder to shoulder with me and with every person alive that suffers from this awful affliction, by virtue of not yet having given up on yourself.

There are steps you can take immediately to improve your mood and solidify your hold over your life, counseling and medication are options but our understanding of other approaches has exploded over the last ten years. Don't feel like you have heard all that you can try, I guarantee you haven't.

Private message me and we can talk about this, or if you don't feel comfortable talking to me about it I will gladly help you find resources in your community that can help you.