Hey guys, I recently ended a relationship with my ex and I'm aiming at rebuilding my social life and finding a girl that I can have fun with and maybe make out with from time to time. So far I've rebuilt my Avatar and I'm building inner game. I'm trying to approach a couple sets a day at least but that's another issue for another thread.

My inner game problem is this:
I was in a relationship for so long and I was 100% faithful the entire time. I fawned over her and treated her like a Goddess the whole time. We had our problems and were off and on for a while before it finally ended for good and she's already moved on (see my Intro Post for more information on that). I would love to move on, and have asked out (and been shot down by) 4 different girls already. However, I can't seem to (anymore) FEEL as though I'm allowed to move on. It's a mental block that's developing out of almost no where. I feel like since I was with her for so long and structured my life around what would be best for our relationship and make her the happiest, that even though now I'm single, I still have to abide by those rules.

Now, as a friend said, I know I'm allowed to do so by all social rules and logic, but logic rarely has any say in these kinds of situations. Emotional responses seem to take over and it's extremely difficult to overcome. What can you guys suggest to A: Help me truely believe that I can push passed these feelings B: Build my inner game to a level that I don't even have to feel these feelings C: Any general advice on building my inner game to overcome this one-itis.

To kill the feeling of deep love is killing a part of you. It is dumb for a lot of guys to say that you shouldn't feel it.



YOU SHOULD learn to suppress it though.

I used to be like you, but I learned to recognize loss. If you truly believe and know that loss of a girl is a real thing, you can suppress your feelings. I always expect and accept the idea that a girl can leave, so if she does, it isn't a surprise.

I learned this as of 4 months ago. I had this girl I was pretty crazy about. I eventually started focusing in too much on how amazing she is and how much I want her. This suppressed my recognition that I can lose her at any moment. I eventually became way too attached and seemed needy. She then began to stop talking to me.

It hurt a lot, but I felt loss in a short burst in stead of recognizing it throughout my speaking to her. I should have said "Shes a cool girl. I shouldn't expect TOO much though because something can happen that ends our relationship" in stead of "She is SO awesome! I want to have a relationship with her."

As you progress into a relationship you will still need to recognize loss, however you may also recognize that loss is more unlikely because you have been in a relationship for so long. However, if loss occurs further into a relationship (which it did), by recognizing that there is a small chance of loss, you may just say "shit happens" or "wow! I guess that wasn't a TOTAL surprise."


So the summary is that you should still feel love, however you need to keep a balance by always recognizing that the loss of a girlfriend or girl you want a relationship with is always a possibility.


Hope I could help!

_________________
If you are not a PUA, you are a noob.

Hey Vito,

I had the same sort of thing happen recently. A girl that once was a client told me she wanted me for months before I switched jobs and could see her, then when we started seeing each other, it was like she was bored and we separated, but then got together periodically on and off for months after that. At some point, I began to feel depressed, wondering if she liked me at all, then blamed myself for not being good enough, then supplicated to her to try and keep her, eventually running her out of my life for good. After that, I spent weeks blaming myself and feeling unworthy of life and unworthy of her or anyone else. But then something happened.

First, I got tired of feeling that way. I told myself, "you get 48 hours to wallow, then it's done." For the next two days, I ate whatever I wanted, I drank, I moped, I thought a lot, I dwelled. Then I went to bed on the last day committed that tomorrow was the beginning of a new life.

The next day was a Saturday. I woke up and I sat down at my desk and I systematically purged her from my life. I mentally pulled her off the pedestal I put her on. I listened to those around me that told me I was a great guy. And I set out a list of very short term goals, then began to pursue them. For one hour a day for the next 10 days or so, I did internet searches or read things about, frankly, "being a man." I found some good things by Style and David DeAngelo and I watched those. I committed to continue to spend an hour a day for the next 90 days, and I also began to go back to the gym and eat very healthy.

In just those ten days, I began to feel better every day. I began to look people in the eye again...even if I had to effort to do so. I made myself stand straighter, talk with more conviction.

Also, I pulled out of the life I was in for a short time...for two weeks I STOPPED going out. I stopped spending time with friends that were just sort of stagnating, both themselves and me. I cooked and ate at home each night, and I got away from the TV in favor of either working or working on myself each evening....putting my goals and priorities in order.

It has made a world of difference. I am now excited about getting back out there, meeting new girls. I am excited about seeing new friends and doing some dynamic things. I am excited about my life and feel good about where I am headed from the moment I wake up each day. And on top of it all, I have had some really nice compliments and approaches by men and women as friends that want to spend time with me and have said they can tell something's going great for me.

Think about it....pull out of it all for a bit, seek and take your own counsel, set some new goals that you can reach, make progress toward them, and consciously seek to boost your image in a better way. After about 10 days, this will start to turn into momentum, and then you can reassess from a much better place.

Kyng

Exclusive relationships are very complicated and it seems like very few people are happy with them. I am just getting started with applying this stuff so my advice comes from observation, not experience.

If you are in a relationship, hold on to friends with benefits (fuck buddies) or always continue to sarge in order to add to your social circle but remember to stay exclusive and don't cheat. Unless you are engaged or married, you should always have extra female friends that are not in your girlfriend's social circle. That way when you break up, you have something to lean back on unless your friends do not find you attractive.

Remember that there is no such thing as "the one". If there are billions of women in this world, do you think only one of them can make you happy? Plenty of them can make you just as happy if not more happy than the girl you have one-itis on. If she left you, she is no longer a part of your life. Forget her. If you wanna be friends with her still, be careful. As shallow as this may sound, I believe if I am going to be friends with an attractive girl who is single, she must be sexual with me. If she is not, I, along with anyone else in this situation would start to become distracted and the relationship becomes flawed because I would be after sex so much that I would become desperate. One-Itis usually begins when you are no longer physically intimate with the girl or you are not being physically intimate with her at all. You become desperate and nervous around her. She no longer is a friend but is an idol you would worship. If this happened, I would sit the girl down and say either get physical with me or we are no longer friends. Don't put yourself in a bad situation like one-itis. There are so many girls out there that this one girl is nothing but a small fish in the sea.