I am so frusturated with myself

I grew up deathly afraid of attractive women. I would avoid talking to them at all costs, because I felt like I was never worthy and I would feel rejected. I had 0 confidence and self-esteem.

Growing up, I was always told "Oh don't worry, some day you will find a girlfriend", and a bunch of other shit like this. My parents were great, but they did not do much to help me when it came to women. They would always tell me that I was a good looking kid and I must have a lot of girls that like me. It pissed me off, because I was not a bad looking kid, yet I had a horrible self-image of myself. Any woman I liked, I never had the courage to talk to. Come to find out, my father had a negative self-image of himself and projected that on me. Between that and being really strict on me as a child, I became anti-social.

Luckily though, I was able to land a few girlfriends throughout my life. However, the women that I landed, all had some sort of inner issues themselves. When things would get shitty in the relationship, I would put up with bullshit that I did not have to.

After one of my relationships ended, I was crushed. It inspired me to seek out information that led me to the venusian arts. When I learned about this, I was so happy Well I still had a low self-image of myself, so I ended up settling for some chick that was about a #7 and had huge mental problems. This coupled with my low self-esteem growing up, made me very depressed.

I feel that I have studied and know so much about the venusian arts, yet am scared shitless to approach women. Like I mentioned, when I first learned about the arts, I suprisingly did 57 approaches. Every time though, I was scared to try and build attraction. And then when I got with my last girlfriend, it drove me to be even less alpha.

How do you build up your inner self, so you can have the courage to approach women?

Thanks!