...and getting back up.


Confession: I’ve made some mistakes. I’m still making some of them.

Every single one of us is human, and therefore subject to making human mistakes. No matter how good you are, how successful you are, whether you’re a revered world leader of a joe schmo. One lesson I’m really experiencing now is that just because you’re good doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes AND just because you make mistakes doesn’t mean you’re not good.

I was in a relationship for 7 months with a girl I’ve known for a year. We broke up (under what turned out to be false pretenses) and remained friends because we had such trust and honesty with each other, or so I thought. She came back to me in tears saying that she wanted to get back together, but she had to be honest about something that she had been lying about the whole time. Long story short, she’s done some things I can’t forgive, and I can never trust her again. Not gonna lie, it fucking hurts. I feel like Job right about now.

My mistake is that I took steps backward in this self-improvement process I started over a year ago. My mistake is that over 7 months, I put too much of my identity in the relationship. I used to sarge solo all the time, and suddenly I’m anxious without her or my friends around. My mistake is that I’ve been holding on and letting her draw me into fights. I know she’s hurt and hurt bad, but she lies well and can be totally cold and manipulative. She is doing things intentionally just to hurt me now. My mistake is that I have let this get to me and reacted to it. My mistake is that I’ve done things out of spite to hurt her, too.

My mistake is that part of me feels sorry for myself because I’ve been so betrayed. My mistake is thinking that anyone should feel sorry for me. My mistake is thinking that somehow it means something that this was the greatest love I’ve ever felt for someone and that because of that, somehow this should not have happened. My mistake is trying to make her into the good person I thought she was. Red flags were there that I didn’t want to see. Her ship has been sinking for a while, and my mistake was trying to put the fires out instead of bailing out immediately.

My mistake is that I got into an LTR with a girl who went to “my” bar. My mistake is that I shared everything, even a social circle, with her. My mistake is that I introduced friends to her that it turns out I couldn’t trust. My mistake is that I still care about this.

My mistake is thinking, however fleetingly, that there is nothing out there waiting for me as good or better than what I had. My mistake is letting my thoughts, not my beliefs, control my actions. My mistake is that I trusted too easily. My mistake is that now I distrust automatically.

My mistake is not moving on.

And my biggest mistake is not forgiving myself for these mistakes I make. Acceptance is the first step to change. So now I'm accepting my mistakes.

_________________
Live Your Truth.

I've been there. And it sucks.

Here's what you have to remember:

1) You can't be friends with your ex. Mostly ever, but DEFINITELY not right away. One of you will always want the other.

This is why socialism doesn't work: Once you are used to a certain level of living, you can never be satisfied with a lower level. This is why Marx proposed the use of force, because the Elite class will never willingly accept less then what they're accustomed to.

You and the girl are used to having a relationship. Make no mistake, this is better, deeper, and more special than any friendship. You can't go back to being friends without a HUGE amount of space.

Also, you would (this is still hypothetical) both need to be incredibly mature. You're not, because you're a dude. And she's not, because she cheated on you.

When she cheated on you, she not only signified that she wasn't a good girlfriend, but she also isn't a good friend.



2) Ya, you're alone now. But here's the thing about guys: When we get into a LTR, we forget about our friends. Because we have a new, BETTER friend.....one with tits and a vagina. And let's be honest, that is the BEST type of friend.

BUT

You're other friends will still be there for you. They understand that when you get into a LTR they take a back seat. You're a GUY. That's what we DO.

Start rekindling your relationships with your dude and female friends. It'll happen.


3) Don't feel sorry for yourself. You've had enough time to do that.

STOP.

I mean it.....STOP feeling sorry for yourself. Dating isn't about "finding the one". It's about finding out what you are looking for in a person.

Now you KNOW. And you know the warning flags for a cheater/someone you can't trust.

You've learned. You've grown. Move on.


4) Yes, she was the greatest "love" you've ever felt. You WILL love again, and harder. You'll realise in your next LTR that it's not worse/better, and those special feelings, familiarity you have with her are just different. You will get similar but different ones with different girls. Trust me on this, and trust the community.

You pair-bonded with her, which is a great thing, and you two weren't compatible. That is not a failing. It hurts, but it just means you don't have what each other are looking for.

You WILL move on.


5) You also learned this:

DON'T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.

Get it? Don't fuck/date girls where you work/live/EAT

It just leads to trouble. Everyone knows that.

I've been there, and dated someone in my band. That was super-fucking-dumb. Because the band isn't together anymore due to our awkwardness.

It's not worth it.

No vagina is THAT special that it's worth fucking up your life for.



You're going to start moving on NOW.

6) You can't judge others by her. She treated you badly. She's now out of your life. And if she's not, make it happen.

But other women ARE different. And it's not fair to expect the same SPAM from them as you got from her. That's called Prejudice.


If it's been more than a week, you're ready to move on. Seriously. There is no point in wasting your time/life being mopey. You deserve good things and a happy life.



Go get it.

maybe you two should talk things through one last time. like a definite goodbye that turns into an "im sorry" on both ends.
i admit that im thinking about life like its a movie but seriously, this just sounds like she needs to know some of the stuff youve been thinking about her.