The last 2 years of my life have been the worst years of my life. I lost all of my friends, lost confidence in myself, and most of all lost confidence in being with people overall. I remember I used to be the kid who everyone wanted to be around and now its the exact opposite I assume. Now thats a pretty hard thing to do now isnt it. These past 2 years really took a toll on me and my self esteem. I developed beliefs that even make it worse. I started having phobias of the stupidest shit. Overall, I just cant connect with people anymore. I guess its that fear of loss that prevents me from doing so.

Now, what I want some help with. The other day I went to a party with one of my friends and there were about 25 people there. 12 girls 13 guys. I come in and everyones greeting me and shit giving me high fives and giving me hugs. The girls were introducing each other to me. I know most of you would be saying so, whats the problem. Well, that is the problem. Whenever somebody gets greeted or gets attention they feel good but when I do I feel bad. I feel like total shit. Like, I dont know what to do about this shit. I want to experience those positive emotions again that I used to experience. Right now, that seems impossible.

Maybe, guys with similar experiences can give me some advice or maybe even some books to read. I really need to work on my inner game.

Thanks

I kinda understand what your getting at, the rare times I do go out to the bars with my friends, it ends up with me backing out due to my social anxiety and then showing up alone after drinking by myself to get a buzz to actually want to go.

Then when I get there, they act like they're so excited to see me it just seems all fake to me, to the point where it annoys me. If your so happy to see me out and socializing then why do they treat me differently during the day and non-going out nights? I guess its also cause drunk people annoy me also.