Hey guys! I'm kinda new to this forum and I feel comfortable writing this that I've not told anyone in my life, I hope you can help me out. It's a great forum and I've enjoyed my stay here.

I'm a really nice guy and everyone say that I care too much. I do what everyone wants me to do because I think they respect me that way, and don't get me wrong some people do. But I've always just been the nice guy.

I havn't had any good luck with the girls in my life. I had one girlfriend like 7 years ago (yeah!!) and my two first "make-outs" this summer when I was at a festival. I have always wanted a girlfriend, someone to share my mind with, someone to be intimate with (that'll do as well) but I havn't said anything to my friends because I'm too ebarrassed to try and fail, and I've tried but covered it up.

I've got a lot of friends and I think people feel really comfortable around me once they get to know me. I met a guy from Australia that have been in my country for a year and he just recently told me that even if he's had good friends in his country I'm still his best friend and I've got like three other best friends.

Now to the problem. I think I care too much. I have a hard time coming up with topics to speak to people about and when I'm with my friends I kinda get in the shadow and they steal all the attention, even from my other friends ... they just kinda forget about me.

I wrote that I care too much because I know I do with girls. I've heard that you shouldn't care and not get down when something doesn't go your way but how do you do that? I can maybe cover it up with a smile but then I think about it all day and don't say a word.

For example: I've got this friend that's just like me but he talks a bit more than I do. I meet my friends before and they're all talking to me and shit but when this friend join us everyone turns to him and kinda forget about me, laughing at all of his jokes even if they suck balls. (Maybe an AMOG?) It isn't that I'm jelous or anything but I'd like some attention too.

So.. how do you make yourself not care and just go with the flow and to really not care and not just cover it up but think about it inside. I know I've written much but it's the first time I turn to someone about this and I'd appreciate it if you'd help me out. I've got more to write but this will do for now.

// Captain Marlowe

Hey bro,

Firstly, I want to congratulate you for sharing the way you feel so honestly.

Our stories are so similar! I know how it feels not to be appreciated or given attention. It can be pretty depressing at times. And worse, feeling this way all the time can drive people, even your closest friends, away.

But that doesn't mean that your needs are not real. That doesn't mean you shouldn't expect love or attention from others. It doesn't mean you shouldn't expect to find happiness. What it means though is people or a certain set of people shouldn't be your sole reason for happiness.

Here are a few questions that I often ask myself that have helped me a lot:

Do you get up every morning and feel alive! Do you feel like what great things you are going to achieve today? Are you following your passion to make you happy or do you solely rely on your friends for happiness?

Are you taking real action to follow your passion and true desires? Do you get so engrossed in the things you do that at times you forget to eat food or call your friends at times? Does the way you live your life makes you truly happy?

Do you think if you lived your life with so much passion, you'd find it hard to talk about it to others? Do you think people won't take a notice and interest in what someone who was really living their life had to say? Do you think you'd then mind if your friends got the spotlight every now and then? Would that affect how you perceive yourself?

If you did get a girl, how would that make you feel? Can you feel that way right now, without needing her? Can you be happy first living your life the way you want, on your own terms? Can the girl then be a luxury rather than a necessity for your happiness? Do you think this way, both of you will be happier than you relying majorly on her to be happy in life? Do you think both of you could breathe easy?

Do you help out your friends and do things for them because it makes you really happy? Because if you didn't do those things, it'd mean you were going against your true desires?

Or do you do these things because you expect something in return from them? Maybe something intangible? Do you feel if you stopped doing things that you don't like, it will make you breathe easier? Do you think this would make your friends breathe easier too?

Is it possible that your friends have not gone through the similar situation as you have? Or their problems might be bigger than yours? Only that they choose not to share them, just like you didn't before you posted for the first time about your problems here?

Thanx for your post man, it really helped! After I read your post I started to read the questions you posted. It made a difference, now I don't feel as down as I did before. I can feel a change within me that wasn't there before. Although I have some of the shit left to sort out your post really helped, thanx!

Glad to be of help man. You might also want to check out this article: http://www.attractioninstitute.org/what ... se-in-life I believe it will help you further on your journey.

All the best.

Edit: Added link

Hi Captain,

thanks for writing.

Several observations -

Count your blessings! Yes it's a cliche but really look at what you have. You say that you have lots of friends. Many people don't.

Acknowledge that it's right and healthy to have 'bad' feelings. One of the symptoms of being a nice guy is that you feel you have to be in control ALL the time and expressing 'bad' feelings is wrong. So acknowledge to yourself or even a friend when you are feeling shit about things. It's okay to be angry, resentful and jealous. You're human - not a robot!

How do you not care? Good question. I think the main success of PU is a simple combination of numbers and a don't care attitude. If you're a sensitive guy then NOT caring is a tough one. I think you just have to be more selective in caring - choose LESS friends BUT be MORE caring for them, learn to care more about yourself. It's very common to overlook what YOU need.

You seem to have far too much inner dialogue going on. Try meditation to quiet your mind