Hi, I wonder if u can help me on something. Wher I live, it's a small town and I regularly go into town drinking. Theres one nightclub and lots of drugs and fights. Altho not all the time.

When a good looking girl appears in town, she is usually the party girl type ie. drugs. Ans they tend to go for the same type of person when they want a shag/ boyfriend. And I dont take drugs, so I usually miss out. It is rare that a top bird will turn up who doesnt take drugs.

I find this problem to be the case not just where i live but in other places aswell. Us 'decent' lads are often overlooked. I find the party girl type really attractive, but they clearly are not the type of person to get involved with. And there doesnt seem to be any happy medium, ie. if a girl is only half good looking but a decent person, that doesnt really attract me. So im faced with the dilemma of having no luck with the 'top birds' because they are bad news, or settling for second best birds, who are better people, but dont really attract me.....

Got any suggestions on what to do?? Cheers in advance

There are other places to meet women. Do hobbies that require being in a group to meet people, take a class at the local university, get crafty man! Then again there is always places likes mall, grocery stores, coffee shops, etc. Don't just rely on going to one place to meet people.

Work your life around being out and about so that you have more opportunities to meet people and take advantage of them. Where you grocery shop, gas stations, coffee shops, everywhere! If you see a girl you like then approach her. This will increase your chances of meeting someone, and probably a better type of girl that you desire.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Thanks, thats some good advice. The best type of girls are probably the ones that you meet in everyday situations i guess. The ones that you meet in the bars and clubs are more likely to be bad news, well thats my theory anyway.

The problem is, if i was going out sarging for example during the day time, lets say to the mall etc. i would have to get dressed up as though i was going on a night out and this means a shower, do my hair, iron clothes etc. every time i leave the house, which is quite an effort! I usually only get dressed up if im going on a night out.

Also, if i see a nice looking girl in an everyday situation, there is no alcohol inside me to give me the courage to approach, plus its broad daylight. I feel like a girl would look at me and think i was a creep? i may be wrong?

Another thing is, i only have one pair of decent jeans i use to go out in, and a couple of tops. So i either look good, or look scruffy. Need to build on my clothes selection, but that costs money, something i dont have a great deal of at the moment.

I know this sound like quite a negative reply, but i appreciate the advice you have given me and will take it on board, cheers again

I agree with you!
First of all, I'm not telling you to go out sarging. Let's get that thought out of your head. I'm asking you to recognize that you can go places and add things to your normal routine that will increase your odds of seeing someone you like. Then all I'm asking as that when you do you approach her.

Yes, I am asking you to make an effort. You are single. Being single is a lifestyle. You might need to shower more often, do your hair, update your wardrobe, but that's something you'll have to work out in time. But things like being showered and having your hair fixed shouldn't be that hard to do man.
You don't need that junk to give you confidence. Throw your alcohol crutch away you don't need it. Believe me that stuff isn't helping you. Approaching women is a compliment of sorts. You are a guy and you are expected to be the one to approach women. Sorry that's how things have been for some time. No one is responsible for your future but you, so take some initiative and approach her!

You won't be viewed as a creep or anything. What you are talking about is your perception and how you think you will be perceived, If you really want to fix this problem then you need to fix your mindset. This is all stuff that is in your head. This is your perception of things, not how they actually are.
I didn't have a lot of cash when I started out either. Just add a few shirts and things to your wardrobe as you can. Jeans luckily last a long time. Besides if you are going to different places only you will know that you are wearing the same ones.
Again, most of what you are talking about is in your head. The fact that you think you need alcohol to approach is in your head. The fact that you think you'll be viewed as weird for approaching during the day is in your head. How many day time approaches you think the members of this forum make every day? Trust me it's not as bad as you might think it is.

I know it seems like a really daunting task. Rather than tell me reasons why you don't think you can. Let's start finding reasons that you can make it work. Turn a negative into a positive man!

Your pal,

J

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Thats really helpful! I guess you are right, what's stopping me from approaching women/ going to different places that will increase my chances of meeting women is all in my head.

Although i do need a few new clothes for a start, but like you say, i can aquire these over time. And getting showered and doing my hair cant be that hard, i must seem really lazy! I guess i just got into the habit of showering in the evening to save time in the morning, but the problem with that is my hair has been slept on and not even water can get out some of the kinks! so morning shower it is from now on.

I just went into town and saw a mega hot babe come out of the bank. Unfortunately in this case, I know who she is and she has a boyfriend. But the point is, i got out of the house. I also saw a friend and had a small chat about new years eve etc. Nothing amazing, but better than being laid on my bed all day playing on my laptop!

On the clothes front, i dont need a lot; another pair of jeans, cheap pair of trainers, couple of new tops, and a nice black wool jacket...should be all. Then its just a case of keeping myself well groomed at all times and getting out there!! I can make it my aim to get one of these items of clothing per week until i have a decent base set of clothes.

But like you say, i do need to do different things that will present me with a wider range of people to interact with, as opposed to the usual people i see each weekend round the local bars.

It's just that ever since i was old enough to get served in bars, that is how i have always met girls, and as a result, they have all been bad news. I'm now looking for a different type of girl, one that not only is hot, but also has a brain and morals. And i guess the only way to meet these type of girls is to get out there and meet different people. And i wont acheive this by staying in my room every day until its time to go out drinking again. i need to take action and make changes.

Thanks JSmooth!!!

Always a pleasure man!

The key to getting good is making yourself available to meet people as often as you can. I think a lot of people don't get that being single is a lifestyle. You need to go out and do things away from home. Doesn't really matter what but we should all be spending a lot more time away from home than we do.

Anywhere there is a chance to meet women we should go there. As a matter of fact instead of doing one big day of grocery shopping I actually go there every few days for just the things I need. It seems stupid and a waste of time and gas...it is, but hey it increases my chances of meeting women.

A few little chances in your daily habits can significantly increase the odds of you meeting more women, and I'm glad you see that. This has worked very well for me and my past students. I look forward to reading about your success!

Jon

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey, this is slightly unrelated to the original subject, but.....

....i have a case of what u guys call 'one itis.' To cut a long story short, I was in a relationship with a 'party girl' for 8 months, she treated me like shit. We split nearly 3 years ago, but since that she has been engaged twice, shagged lots of blokes and is currently engaged to a heroin addict/ ex- heroin addict im not sure.

She lives about 10 mins walk from my house, i see her about all the time, not spoken to her in 2 years.

The thing im finding hardest is the fact that she is a HB10 and theres not many of those around my town. So although she is completely unhealthy for a relationship, its her looks that are stopping me from making a full recovery.

And when i look around for a new girl, i am finding it hard to find one that matches her 'looks wise.'

If it came down to purely personality, i could find someone better anywhere, but her looks are quite amazing.

Was in councilling for a while just after the split, and came to the conclusion that she is a dick and no good to anyone, no matter how physically attractive she is. And that the best way to get better would be to focus on my own life and make me into my 'best self.'

So....i paid off my debts, i have a steady (ish) job, friends etc. I am physically fit (although i smoke) but theres a void. A void that she created. Before her, I wasnt aware of how pretty a woman could be, so i was happy in my ignorance. But since i sampled what she had to offer, i now feel like something big is missing inside.

And so here i am, trying my hardest in all areas of my life, trying to make myself into someone worthy of an HB10. But I cant find one to start with, let alone get an opportunity to approach one....

Any feedback on this appreciated!

Cheers, DubbleJay