| I actually took some time to sit down and think about my past and how they affect my inner beliefs.
I am talking about almost sub-concious beliefs, my true beliefs beneath any fake facade I give out. This is kind of a bad example, but think of the girl who seems very outgoing and confident. But when she gets really drunk and breaks down at 2am in the morning and cries because she is insecure inside. She may be convincing herself all the time that she is confident and she will put on that facade. She may put on the facade so well and for such a long time that she will have forgotten that she is insecure - I kind of ignorance if that makes any sense. However, the next time something sets her off she breaks down again and her true inner self shows.
Anyways,
Growing up I had severe social anxiety up until the age of about 18, when I made an effort to get rid of it (and mostly did). However, since then I have noticed that I have some inability to connect to people. I feel like I am missing some subtle social interaction cue, I merely cannot "connect" with people on a deeper level. I have been diagnosed as NVLD ( very similar to aspergers, maybe a bit milder) I can see why I meet the criteria for this disorder, which includes: odd habits growing up, high intelligence, and most importantly - difficulty reading emotions as well as difficulty forming deep relationships with people. Because of this, I feel like I will never be able to learn the skills needed to pickup women and even if I do, the relationship won’t last. Its like a kid in special education that has always done poorly in school. Does anyone ever think he will go to college, let alone get a decent job? Will I ever get a girl that is attractive to like me? I have only kissed one girl and she was drunk and very overweight. I have been on one date with another very overweight girl. I don’t want a supermodel, but I need someone that I am attracted to.
“Learning disabilities affect interpersonal relationships in a variety of complex ways. Neuropsychological differences can impact the accurate perception of social cues with peers and can impact family systems in predictable ways. A person with a learning disability may isolate themselves from society as they may feel:
• Ashamed of the types of difficulties they struggle with, such as poor social skills, attention or memory difficulties
• Fear of failure, criticism, ridicule or rejection
• Fear of discrimination
• Fear that others may think that they are stupid or incapable or Mentally disabled.
• Ashamed that they are unable to do things others take for granted
• Left out of everyday discussions due to lack of understanding
• Depressed
• Alone
• "Learned helplessness"
Anyways, this is one of my main core beliefs. It took a lot of thinking to get this out.
Its an endless circle.
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CHAT