So after some time of reading up on all manner of various pick up material but not actually doing anything, I'm ready to take the plunge. The question is, how do I begin to create the winning mindset and super strong frame that I will need if I am to have any success?

A little background on me. I have suffered with social anxiety for some years and I am generally very self conscious of my appearance and actions. This is mostly irrational I admit but it is there nonetheless. I have some deep rooted negative beliefs which are fully internalized within me. I'm basically convinced at this present moment in time that women just aren't attracted to me. The only times that I have pulled over the years have literally been through "getting lucky" with girls coming on to me, usually drunk. I have tried all kinds of methods of improving my inner game but to no avail. I have had periods of feeling confident but also big periods of feeling totally worthless. I just don't seem to be able to keep a continuous positive state of mind. There is always a voice in my head putting me down and judging me and I feel as though I literally have no control over it.

Thing is, when I am with my friends, I am confident. I am outgoing, quick witted and can often hold all of their attention. I even feel I have a certain influence over them. But around people I don't know and especially with girls, my mind is a total blank and I am pretty awkward. With girls it is actually a physical fear. A big problem I have is with my energy level. I feel as though I am giving off a negative vibe all the time and I have been told that I look miserable sometimes. This is completely unintentional. I've tried psyching myself up before a night out but it usually has the opposite effect I want it to.

I know that I need to alter my core beliefs about myself if I am to ever have any success with women. I understand this now more than ever and that is why I have signed up to this forum. I am painfully aware of my lack of experience with women and this in itself is holding me back. I feel inferior to other men basically.

I know this can be overcome but I really need a solid plan that I can begin to put into action. I have tried self hypnosis and bought some of Hypnotica's stuff but it has had no lasting effect. It is easy to say to yourself "I am the man, I am the shit, I am awesome" but if you don't truly believe it inside what effect can it have?

This probably comes across as a very negative post but I can assure you it is not meant to. I am actually very optimistic at present. I feel I have hit the bottom but that the only way is up. I just need to make those first, difficult little steps into overcoming my fear and I genuinely feel I will have a chance of being a hit with the ladies. Blind optimism? Perhaps, but maybe thats all I need?

It's okay buddy, I have the same problem. All I know is that this is all about controlling your frame and confidence. It is a difficult task and I used to think it's because I haven't become comfortable enough to open and reveal the fun and true me. The problem is that people like you and I try to adapt to others instead of making them adapt to us because we subconsciously try to seek their approval to no avail. As long as you realize that people's disapproval don't matter then you can change that. Of course it isn't easy.

I suggest you continue interacting and being yourself especially since you KNOW that people like you, you friends are your proof. You can also take the advice of the posts on this page which normally suggest giving a shit but not giving a shit at the same time LOL If you know what that means. In other words, basically show interest in wanting to be there friend but never try to show off or boast or be a pussy or try to seek approval. You want people to have your approval.

Also, you can try simply looking around. Unless you are outrageously attractive you will notice that people will live THEIR lives regardless of whether or not you show interest in them. No offense but seriously you are only a small part of a big world. Right now you have the mindset that people constantly judge you but do you honestly think people who barely know you care that much about how you act? Think about it. If you act according to your own social standards and you have justification for doing what you're doing, you can't be judge negatively unless you want to be. Be confident and do what you do. NEVER be judged, you are the one judging.

_________________
Why is the Rhum gone?!

Alright, well I just did a big post on this... You can look up my posts, I talk about this all the time. Its my favourite area of game. It makes me natural, and happy.

Try these exercises...

1. Say Hi to 50 people this week. You can do like 50 in one day, 25 in two days, whatever. People have different schedules... Theres no right or wrong way of doing this. As long as you meet the goal.

2. Make eye contact with people you pass. Try keeping it as long as you can without being creepy. Look up some micro-gestures if you want to make this the most effective. Youll also get the habits down.

And the the saying Hi thing, try saying ti to cute girls... Theyre the ones youre building up to.

Also, did you know most people are afraid to say hello to people that they cross in the streets? I just think thats a little bit of a weird fact, so I thought I'd bring it up.

3. Look up my other posts... I gotta go. I also talk about stuff like this on my blog. Lol...


Feel Awesome,
Roxstar.

totally described me here

Advice for gaining self confidence? Here buddy

http://4shared.com/network/search.jsp?s ... +l+preston

http://4shared.com/network/search.jsp?s ... 10&start=0

If the links don't pop up just go on 4shared.com and write in David L Preston and Kent Sayre and a bunch of stuff should pop up.

Thanks, I've downloaded the pdf. I'll check it out

do things you fear the most and you will see your confidence increase...also think positively about your situation and tell your self that yes you are confidence even around people and girls..keep telling your self that then it will become a belief- then an action

My friend, the mind is a confusing thing, i went from zero to hero over a period of time.

growing up in an environment that was constantly negative, i was told i was a failure when my GPA dropped from a 4.0 to a 3.9. SO this belief that no matter what i did nothing would be good enough was pounded into my head day after day. It became to much at times. the fact im still hear to speak this is a miracle all in its own. Statistically speaking, i shouldn't be. Its a safe bet to say, confidence never even registered to me. It was a foreign word that had no meaning.

you realize you have an issue with confidence, its the start you need. The next step for some is harder then others. Not only do you need to desire the change, you need to actively encourage the change. People can go through the motions of change, but still have a rebellious spirit to resist the change. you need to overcome the idea of resisting any change. Change starts with an idea, but ends with an action. It may be discouraging at times, thats when you need to look into yourself for the willpower to say to those negative thoughts and limiting beliefs, fuck it, your wrong, i will do this, i will change. Then find a way to prove those negative thoughts and limiting beliefs false.

Once you whole heartedly want the change, and are willing to do what is needed to achieve it, your on the right path, but it does not get easier for a while. The next step, is one of realization. To understand that everything you believe, that stops you from your confident self, where things people told you about yourself, that you adapted as a belief of yourself. It was a big one for me to understand my parents, who where supposed to love me, instead where destroying me emotionally and psychologically. I took what they said about me and believed it, it became part of my reality, not once did i stop to think, if it fit me, if it was something i wanted to be part of my reality. Not once did i stop and think that my parents where hurting inside and that pain surfaced and was pushed on me. That everything i believed about myself was never even about me, it was about them.

Once this came into light, once i understood nothing ever said about me had any validity behind the argument, it no longer effected me. the healing process will begin when you realize what you want and dont want for your life. You truly create you own existence.

If you or anyone else needs help, ill stand behind you, help guide the process. Understanding myself the struggles and guiding countless others to finding the confidence within, ill be more then happy to share techniques. Send a PM or my myspace is in my signature.

_________________
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."

At least you have partial understanding that it is in fact your current beliefs that are preventing you from making progress. I too had very strong situational confidence (aka, could act like myself and live in the moment when around my friends). Though once i moved out of my home town the way i acted socially changed severely.

perhaps your key to success is to fully understand why you have the beliefs you do, and how to change them, starting at the origin and working your way out to the physical. I've been very interested in growth and development in inner game to help solve problems such as this. For you i'd highly recommend tyler durden's (real social dynamics) masterpiece DVD the blueprint. This piece literally had solved many of my issues, as well as pointed me in a clear direction for further research, on my quest for understanding. it took 4 days to listen to it, and about 2 weeks for the conversion of my reality. my game literally got 20x better over that short amount of time and i continue to get better and better with experience. its 20 hours of material that should provide answers to your question, if i'm understanding you correctly. good luck.

Hi Seeker,

hope you can get through this block. In fact I know you can.

Ok I think this maybe at the heart of the problem. From that quoted it appears that you are boosted by your friends presence, which is good but can also act as a crutch. take it away and what do you have? try to examine why it does feel so different with friends around and without them. Where do you see yourself in your friends heirarchy. I get the impression it's on the low side. Just a feeling I get from the doubt in the text re influence

One bit of help maybe to recall when you were not friends , how did you become friends. When did it change from strangers to friends. See, if you can form that friendship once you can do it again. I feel that part of the problem is simply fear of the unknown. You know your friends...other people you don't...yet

I would suggest that you speak to your friends and advise them you need time on your own temporarily. You have to crack this on your own. no one can do it for you

Just my view on it

My advice to you or any guy out there(if you have belief problems) read the Secret or if you are not a reading person download the movie from Pirate bay or something.... true power for those who believe, this is not for skeptics though so read it or watch it and pm me and tell me your experience

it rocked my world,hope its going to rock yours too

I used to have INTENSE social anxiety, it controlled my life. I know how it is it's a horrible thing...But the good part is, is that with some initiative you can get much better, I am now a very confident, outgoing individual and I owe a giant portion of this to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy This will do wonders and its the natural most direct way of dealing with social (or any kind of) anxiety with the support and help of someone with knowledge in the field. In some areas you can find free CBT as there are graduate interns doing it for free, (this is how i did it) but make sure you find someone you like and knows what he's doing if you do your golden. Read up on CBT immediately!! Its important you do!!

When you walk make sure you're walking with your chest out, no hunching over.
When you talk, make sure you talk loudly, clearly, and not too fast.

Here's an excercise I read in a book once, use it before you need a confidence boost. I wouldn't use this too much it will lose meaning after a while:

Ok, close your eyes and remember a time that you were really confident, A time that you did everything perfect. More than just remembering it, basically you need to re-live it. You need to think of every detail and how everthing made you feel.
I like to use the first deer i killed. But it can be anything such as maybe a social situation where you were the man. Every time I use this excercise I feel like i'm the man and I can do anything

seeker, i think you need to appreciate yourself a little more. nobody is perfect and everyone, even the best PUA's in the world, have problems in their lives.

personally i think you need to be thankful that you have the skills and positive attitudes that you currently have, because there are a lot of people who are much worse off than you in today's social society.

additionally, just enjoy your life and whenever you are feeling low, listen to your favorite music or watch your favorite movies to pick you up

_________________
GEM

-practice makes perfect! don't be afraid to take gambles in life