I am writing not just to help YOU guys, but also for my personal benefit. When you come to the point where you can't take it anymore, and you are so totally sick of your own behavior that you want to slap yourself for not being more assertive...it can be a very beautiful thing. I am at that point right now.

I think it is EXTREMELY important to build your inner game, that is, SHIFT into the REAL YOU. The fake you, the social mask, the self-image that you despise, has to go...NOW! No question. It isn't funny, and it never was, so stop prolonging it. You ARE already the guy you've always wanted to be. It's been there all along, but we are too blind to see it. Blind to our old ways of doing things..our automatic responses. Fuck them! It's time to become AWARE of everything!

Once I became aware of my behavior, thoughts and actions, all kinds of things started popping up in my consciousness. Literally everything I did was limited, self-defeating behavior. That shit has to go!

The fake smile...the approval-seeking...the avoidance of doing what you want to do, the emotions you suppress...even the tiniest thought or behavior that appears because someone, somewhere in your environment is 'dictating' your reality. No! NOT COOL!

Know that YOU are in control of your thoughts and behavior! Not your mom. Not your dad. Not your friends. Not anybody else, except you! Your brain is a tool. Use it or be at the mercy of it.

If you already care about what people think of you, you're already at the mercy of your thoughts/behavior. You need to make the conscious choice to go for it. Go against your thoughts! Get angry! That's right, I said it. That's when real change happens..when you are truly sick of feeling out of control.
NO ONE ELSE CARES ABOUT YOU AS MUCH AS YOU CARE ABOUT YOURSELF, SO GO OUT THERE AND MAKE SHIT HAPPEN! -cshadyp

props, v good post.

i feel that way to, im aware of what i do and the reactions they will create.

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living living living the life

Wow, I can really relate to some of the stuff you said there. Those little safety behaviours we develop that surface all the time. One of my biggest problems is that I give a shit far too much. I really wish I could just not give a fuck about what other people think.

Do you think it is just a case of becoming more aware and more often in order to get over it?

Awareness is one thing. Action is another. I normally come to react just out of reflex and then becoming aware of my actions after, which is too late.

I don't know if any of you have this problem but I have conditioned myself to become a reactor rather then the actor itself. I've come to a conclusion that it is not your reaction but how you control the reaction. This is where you can control your frame yet react at the same time almost like a fight. When you get into a fight, you have to fight back but whether or not you stay calm or get heated is up to you. Normally staying calm would be like controlling your frame and yourself. Where as getting all worked up would be the self defeating behavior and may even cost you the fight.

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Why is the Rhum gone?!

Guys..the point is not to fight it. I've been studying psychology and reflexive behavior (Pavlov's dogs...all that) can be changed, but AWARENESS does come first. In order to break a behavior, such as a reaction, you have to 1) Become aware of it. 2) Understand that something is triggering it and know what that is (maybe it is you picturing yourself getting rejected). 3) Now it's all a matter of reprogramming your brain. Visualize that instead of being a nervous wreck, you approach her confidently, and she responds positively. Really feel that confidence surging through your body or it won't work. Take some time out of your day to visualize how you will respond next time you see a hot girl. 4) Don't be surprised when the automatic reaction (maybe a nervousness in your stomach) comes up again...just become aware of it, and right as it happens...SWISH...picture your new program! It's also called the Swish Pattern if you know it from NLP. Anyways, very effective stuff. It's been working wonders for me. -cshadyp