I dont know how many of you guys would be interested, but these points are really killing me and my game, and I'm wondering if any of you had the same problems:

1- I always expect people to be assholes. I'm not making any excuses, but I grew up around a fair bunch of jerks, and I always expect everyone to be like that.

2- I rarely get comfortable around someone, and girls pick that up right away. I act confident and relaxed, but it always shows through after a while, because they realize I dont trust them

3- I always over analyze things. It might go from "is she kinoing me on purpose or by mistake?" to "i cant have a relationship right now, I'm too busy with work/uni/etc" (that's a commom excuse I use when arguing with myself)

4- I just dont find myself that interesting. People (friends and strangers) often tell me I make great conversations, and I'm a good listener, but the idea is just stuck in there.

5- I get AFC spells. One day I walk and act like I own the world, and the next I'm a doormat. The 'good days' never last long.

6- I'm afraid of just going for it. I had some pretty catastrophic experiences, and I was totally devastated after each one, so I'm very careful because I definitely dont want to go through that again.

7- I just dont know how to move on. I'm not that interested in hookups and one night stands. I can get numbers quite easily, but i dont know what to do after the first date, so even if a girl is interested at first, they lose interest because they think i'm just playing them. And i'm afraid of telling them because I'd look pathetic.


What I've done so far to solve it:

1- I'm one of the toughest guys around. I'm very good in MMA, i've been in more fights than I can remember, and I know I can handle myself in almost any situations. It's funny how i'm more afraid of rejections than 200 pound muggers with knives...

2- I'm fashionable and take good care of my appearance. I know I look good, and I've gotten my fair share of winks and stares.

3- Sometimes I just go for it. Fuck everything, I just plunge. Rarely with good results though.

4- I've gotten a much better social life. Broader circle of friends, alot more acquaintances and sorties, but i'm still stuck.

5- I have two girl-friends who keep trying to fix my confidence issues, but it's not working. Maybe because they're the two girls who know me the most, and they weren't attracted. I keep thinking "well, if they know me that well, and they're not into me, that's what will happen with other girls i might meet."

6- I'm very funny, in a witty sarcastic sort of way. I'll always come back with a reply to crack almost anyone up.


If you're still reading this guys, give yourselves a pat on the back. Now I hope anyone can give me some advice or something, other than "buy this buy that." I've read more than a few self-help and dating material, and it's not working.

Thanks guys

_________________
The resident terrorist, at your service

6- I'm afraid of just going for it. I had some pretty catastrophic experiences, and I was totally devastated after each one, so I'm very careful because I definitely dont want to go through that again.

Well...your brain doesn't want you to go through those experiences again bc it is trying to protect you from pain. The paradox is that you MUST face what your brain is trying to protect you from (the thing you fear) in order to assure your brain that it's alright. The problem is if you even consider the thought of doing it again, your brain will send signals to the rest of your body in order to avoid the pain that you might experience. And then come the EXCUSES. Remember that the excuses and mental pictures of you failing again (and reliving the devastating experience in your mind) are only illusions and, therefore, lies.

Next time you feel your brain taking over your thinking and your bodily responses, just become conscious of it, and know that it is fake. A defense mechanism that your brain created, and nothing more. Any anxiety you are feeling, any sensation...just know that you can always let it go. Ask your mind if you can allow it to let the memory and the feeling go. If you focus on the sensation..and ONLY the sensation..it will release it. -cshadyp

lol, isn't that the brain's job?
Seriously, thanks for the advice bro. I keep telling myself it's just an illusion, that i'm painting it blacker than it was, including the all- powerful "MAN UP, wussy!", and sometimes it actually works. Maybe it'll be easier with more experience.
But the rest of the points still stick.

_________________
The resident terrorist, at your service

You should take a look in the Inner Game section...
Get some new beliefs sorted out, and such.

There's probably a good reason you used to believe these things before, but we both can believe that they were not helping you anymore.
Break the spell.
Leave them behind, you no longer have any use for those beliefs that used to hold you back...
And for good measure, sit down and find a few to replace those beliefs, and make sure that these new beliefs are truly helpful for the situation you are now in.

hehe

And I mean that, sit down and write out positive beliefs.
And write them in the positive. e.g. "I believe people are basically good, and have no cruel intentions" or something in that direction.
Then re-read these new beliefs once a day, and "fake it til you make it".
Persistence is the key to changing beliefs (It's not enough to think once that you don't want to believe a thing anymore, you have to prove to your mind that you really want this new belief instead of the old)


Cheers