| Ah, if only 'common sense' were common...
There's an ancient Chinese proverb which asks:
Q: "When is the right time to plant a tree?"
A: "Twenty years ago. But the next best time is right now!"
Lately, I have been trying to help mentor some newer players - trying to help answer some of those frustrating questions which plague everyone until that light goes on, and they begin to have their AHA! moments...
Sometimes I can help by dishing out experience, sometimes as history, more often packaged in analogy or metaphor, ideally Socratically stepping-through things; other times, I can only tell 'em what they're GOING to understand later, hopefully sometime soon - and suggest they accept what I'm saying.
Many mundane things must be seen to be believed - but REALLY cool things often must be believed before they can be seen...
With that in mind, I consider myself fortunate in that I am in a good position actually to demonstrate a lot of things which would otherwise appear to be airy-fairy fantasy bullshit, and not worth considering attempting...
I am also lucky in that most of you have had the experience of 'Sarging', (approaching attractive women against your inhibitions) which is a great example of something which QUICKLY proves itself, despite its being counter-intuitive and counter-upbringing.
It only takes a short time before one discovers that while women don't like to be 'bothered' by men, they sure do enjoy becoming 'hot and bothered' by men - and the difference is all in the self-confidence and lack of inhibition of the man approaching.
Another wonderful Chinese proverb - "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!"
I tell a lot of fellas that "Doing what you see me doing, and saying what you hear me saying, won't get you what you watch me getting!" - at least, not until they understand holistically WHY it works... and that takes time; but more, it takes confidence in the eventual outcome.
Since this confidence is NOT unreasoned, nor unfounded, it isn't "faith" - it's a rational appreciation of the difference between WHERE YOU ARE NOW, and WHERE YOU WILL BE EVENTUALLY.
If you don't BELIEVE you will eventually "Get It", then merely TRYING can becomes daunting and depressing... especially if you lack ONE THING which is critical in the formative period - and that is PATIENCE.
Patience is a form of temper-management... the emotional maturity to accept situations for how they actually ARE, not how you WISH they were; and to accept the necessity to take action, or actively to wait, to enable sufficient external OR INTERNAL changes to take place, ideally
bringing you what you were after initially.
Note that 'actively waiting' is not the same as 'not doing anything' - it's avoiding taking inappropriate actions through CONSCIOUSLY doing nothing (at least, nothing directly related to the subject).
While being eager to paint your home might make waiting for the first coat of paint to dry and cure nearly unbearable, it doesn't mean you can put a second-coat on any earlier... it just means you might feel angsty and resentful while waiting, or worse, you'll ignore natural laws and slap another coat on prematurely... And just end up increasing the time and frustration levels once you realize you've gained nothing and used up all your paint!
Just as you can't produce a newborn baby by impregnating nine women and waiting one month... (although it might be fun to try ) some things cannot be rushed - they require time to settle, to mature, and to evolve.
Once you REALLY appreciate that, lots of other good things begin to fall into place.
Hope this helps!
Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy
Last edited by Johnny Soporno on Wed Dec 10, 2008 2:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
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CHAT
and there can sometimes be a long road between unconscious incompetence and unconscious competence... 