I have always had trouble making solid friendships with people. I mean I can get along well others wherever I am at, but ever since I was a teenager I have always been the shy and introverted and so since then I have always had very little to no friends that I could hang out with, not to mention that it has always been rare for me to get a first date with a girl and I never had a girlfriend before. Sometimes, it's not so bad when I am alone, however much of the time I feels shitty about it. Furthermore, as of recent, I have gotten to a point in life where I getting fed up with it. I know that you guys will say that got to get out there to make friends, approach women, etc. and I get that. Yet, I have been trying to improve all of that and right now I still have no friends, I haven't gotten anymore dates lately, essentially having made no significant progress with my social life. Guys who have already much experience and success with both picking-up girls and socializing with people have all said to inexperienced beginners like myself that I have to keep trying and that it's going to take a long time before any successful results come. By a long time they mean that it will take at least months if not years before any of those successes. so, how do I deal with the fact that it's going to inevitably take months if not years of practice with all of these skills before I am no longer alone no matter how consistently long and hard I work at it?

-Goof off on Tinder. Let it be a joke, and use it to practice talking to girls.

-Volunteer somewhere and meet everyone there. Be the nice guy that gets involved in the community that all the old lonely people at the shelter love to wave at.

-Exercise all over the place. Join a gym if that is your thing or if you run then go to popular trails.

-Never turn down an invitation to do something social unless you have a very legitimate excuse. If you hate going to bars, like me, then accept every invitation to a bar you get.

-Introduce yourself to everyone. If you are a student and you walk into a classroom, shake hands with everyone next to you.

-If you are talking to someone and it is time for you to go do something such as eat lunch, mention that they should tag along with you. You will get shot down. Do it anyways and take the mindset that you are just being polite and social by offering.



Find out if you have any common problems such as ADHD which may have an impact on your social skills and awareness of other people, and learn to cope with it effectively.

I used to sit on the floor in my parent's basement with a soldering iron and tweak video-game consoles. Introverted is not unfamiliar to me. I tell women that I meet how introverted I am openly, and they almost always laugh at me when I say that I am shy, saying "You are lying." It is true, and I laugh at it and incorporate it into my seduction. I am still the same introverted guy that I was when I was a 6' tall 75lb highschooler with a nerd-fro and an addition to MMORPGs. Two nights ago I woke up with bruises on my hips and a sore cock, courtesy of a very special and unique girl that I happened upon by chance the day before, and courtesy of a very unfortunate girl that had the misfortune of thinking that she could do better than me after begging for a wedding for 6 years. I have no job, no classes to attend, and nothing to do these few weeks, and I still spent at least four hours the next night trying to cut off one of my female contacts while still leaving her feeling special because I was struggling to juggle them all with nothing else to do. I am no "pickup artist" and these are not super models, but they are all beautiful individuals. But the woman that ends up with me permanently will be very lucky to have me, and I will be very lucky to have her.

You probably have something ingrained in you that is holding you back. A flaw that makes you unique and irreplaceable, but at the same time, is creating a barrier that prevents you from taking the next step in forming meaningful relationships with both men and women. You have to first conquer that, and the first step to conquering it is understanding it. Find out what it is, and then challenge it. I jumped out of a plane thinking that I was challenging myself, but it turns out my fear of heights is not what is holding me back, so now I put myself in the most uncomfortable social situations I can find. After every lay, I interrogate the girl to get whatever information I can to be a better version of myself, and sometimes I run her off by doing so but I walk them to the car and open the door for them with a smile on my face knowing that I am a better version of myself than I was the day before.

Go out tonight. Sit at a bar and get in the habit of doing it. Even if you don't talk to anyone, go out tonight and tomorrow.

Just have a solo beer, say hi bye and thank you to the bartender. That is your first mission.

I've already tried going to bars, clubs, extracurricular clubs, consistently working out at a big commercial gym that I've been going to for several months now, community college classes, martial arts studio etc. and none it has really worked out for me.

I've had the same problem as you and i'm still fighting with it, and i'm even a male underwear model so people can't understand that everyone can be lonely and depressed. I've even tried to kill myself twice.

For me, the way to cope with the loneliness is:

1) Fixed times for wake-up and fixed times to sleep. I get up everyday at 6 AM. Hit the gym at 7 AM and work/study starts at 9 AM. I am to bed no later than 11 PM. Every. Single. Day. If you're feeling lazy, just think that you're a soldier/athlete and act like it.

3) when you wake up, tidy your bed and before you go to bed clean up your room/apartment. The little things go a long way and you'll learn discipline from it.

2) Seriously, TALK to strangers. Humans are social creatures and nobody can live without other people. nd don't tell them your life story and how sad and lonely you are. Only talk about postive things. Being a PUA for me is all about positivity and taking care of yourself. Go to the gym and ask if they can help you with the exercise. Talk about sports or something. Go for a certain goal (i.e. play succesfully in a rugby team after one year from now) and keep that goal in mind during exercise

3) Exercise everyday for half an hour. If you have time, just walk long hikes instead of TV, video games or porn. The sunlight and exercise will do you well. If you encounter someone, just be friendly, smile and say hello -> See number 2

4) STOP with the video games, porn and alcohol altogether. Those things suck the dopamine right out of you. No more of an hour of TV and internet a day if you're alone. Set yourself as a rule: I don't watch TV by myself. It will force you to socialize and go outside.

5) See a psychiatrist. Being months or years alone fucks with your brain. Don't be too proud for it, medication and therapy can and will improve your life!


Give it time. The first couple of months of this new lifestyle will be hell on earth, since your body and brain needs to adjust dramatically, but after 6 months your mind is adjusted and within 1 year you're a new person! Keep your eyes on the prize


Btw, everything Bitework said is pure gold, i'm feeling a little bromance coming up in here!

I have always tidy up my bed and am always diligent in cleaning my parents' house (which is where I live). Also, I have periodically been talking to strangers. Additionally, I have already posted at least a couple of times on this forum, that for several months I have been exercising rigorously 5-6 times a week for at least 45 minutes per workout session in martial arts, weight training, some running, and walking my dog. Furthermore, It's been 4 years since I last played a video game on a home console system, arcade machine, or computer. Plus, I very rarely drink alcohol. Lastly, I have been seeing psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers along with having gone to various group therapy sessions for many years and while they have all helped to some extent the overall results of all of the therapy sessions in total have still been inadequate.

You have successfully coped with being "alone" in the past, why would you need extra coping strategies for a future filled with people?

You seem confused, what do you actually want in one sentence?

Sounds as if you are doing everything you should be doing to better yourself and improve your self-image. However, I would highly suggest moving out of your parents house if at all possible. Independence is paramount to building self-esteem. If my apartment is a wreck, my social skills take a dive even if I am not consciously considering that I would be embarrassed to bring a girl home. It seems almost subconscious, as if I am protecting myself from exposing my lifestyle that I am not proud of at the moment. When I have my shit together and everything is in it's spot, my social skills greatly improve. There has been a direct correlation to having an organized and independent lifestyle that is my own and the number of women that seem genuinely interested in getting a firsthand look at that "lifestyle." If you live with your parents, even that might be subconsciously keeping you "guarded" because you don't want a girl to see that you live with your parents (even though it isn't a big deal) in the same way I become "guarded" when my apartment is not presentable. I would suggest doing whatever you can to make a bit more money so you can get a cheap place to live on your own. Simply being logistically prepared to bring a girl home and having nothing to be embarrassed about when doing so can greatly improve your game.

On the social skills side of things you should be inserting yourself into social situations more. If you are taking care of yourself as you say (aside from living on your own as I mentioned above) then that is the next step. Join clubs. Volunteer. Get a job working with people of both sexes or in service so you are forced to interact with people constantly (manual labor would be a poor choice because even though you will get fit, you wont be forced to interact with anyone but men, but working a cash register might be more beneficial). Take classes that you wouldn't normally, such as an art class that forces you to hang out with people and talk for hours on end in a relaxed studio environment, or take a strange physical education class like kayaking that forces you to do fun things and take trips with people. Break yourself in when it comes to talking to people.

Also, keep in mind what I said about ADHD. I have ADHD (inattentive type) which usually comes with social problems related to my inability to express emotion during conversation and slow reaction times which cause me get flustered and be unable to keep up in high energy conversation. Hyperactive type ADHD usually causes people to have social problems as well but for the opposite reason, as they express too much and inappropriate emotions during social interactions or say things that are out of place or somewhat abrasive. The key is to become adept at reading the other individuals emotions and how they are responding to what you are doing and saying, because in both cases it boils down to either ignoring or poorly judging how the other individual will respond to what you do and say.

I am tired of being "alone."

Thank you for understanding me. I supposed you're right about being more independent. BTW, regarding your last post on my Hot single available women are too rare to find thread, my mom still advises me on a lot of the decisions I make and I usually follow them. I'll admit that to some extent she is a control freak and yet I still care about her a lot of course. Nevertheless, it's not like I am constantly around her like a puppy even when she is home. Also, she is always more than happy to let's go hang out with pretty whoever I want except for of course a real wierdo (in a bad way) or a creep. Also, she doesn't mind me dating any girl at least for the experience and practice, unless if she knew that a girl I decide to date was really unattractive and/or too crazy.

In addition, like you I actually also have had ADHD (predominantly inattentive type) for my whole life. It is interesting that you mention how it can cause slow reaction times in your communication thereby causing you get flustered and be unable to keep up in high energy conversation. I actually never realized that that was very much associated with ADHD (predominantly inattentive type), but now that I think back to my mid to late adolescence years, I used to have that problem a lot more. I still have to some extent, but not nearly as much as before.

You likely still have ADHD just as much as you did before. It doesn't go away, we just learn how to live with it and adapt, similar to my dog. She has vestibular disease which effects her balance, and when I first got her, her left eye was showing a lot of nystagmus and she had a severe head tilt and fell over constantly. I take her hiking a lot and challenge her to keep her balance on very uneven terrain, and now she is quite agile and shows no symptoms despite never curing the root of the problem (inner ear damage). The trick is adapting in a positive way. I adapted by receding from the world, recoiling from social interactions, playing loads of video games. The result was that I had no social life and my grades were atrocious, despite having close to a genius IQ, good looks, and a strong sense of loyalty and a kind heart.


The ADHD will impact your ability to meet people and form meaningful relationships with them. It helps to first become aware of how it impacts your social skills. It may be different for you, but I constantly break the 3 second rule during regular conversation with anyone, male, female, young, old, loser, winner, whatever. I do this because my brain works differently, and I have to compensate for that. I have found that focusing intently on the interaction itself, rather than what is actually being said, is useful. The objective for me when interacting with women is to provoke small indicators of interest, and if I try to pay attention to the conversation I get lost and can't think of what to say and get scared of awkward silences. If I focus on the interaction and her, the awkward silences still come, but I use body language and facial expressions and more often than not I end up provoking a bit of a smile, blush, or a smirk and it ends up working out.


As for your relationship with your mother, I see this often in others. It is not a bad thing, but one's relationship with their mother has a profound impact on their relationships with women. It is good to take care of your family, but like ADHD, it is something to be aware of and understand how it will impact your relationships with women. This will effect you more in the long term (after you meet the girl and start to "bond.") For example, I see many men that feel the need to protect their mothers for whatever reason (a string of divorces, substance abuse, depression, history of domestic abuse, ect.) tend to either be overly clingy or protective in relationships, or they do the opposite and push women away. I'm no psychiatrist so I wont talk about why, I have a very balanced relationship with my mother, but it is something to consider. Even without any reason, if you are a "mommas boy" this will create some tension in your own mind when you replace your relationship with your mother with a relationship with a long term girlfriend. Again, it isn't that it is somehow a bad thing, but it certainly plays a role. Try to keep a healthy adult relationship with your mother. Respect her, but make decisions on your own. Care about her, but don't feel obligated to always take care of her. It all goes back to being independent.

If you aren't shooting for a girlfriend and just want to get laid, this doesn't apply so much, but being independent will help regardless of what you want.