I think I've come to a degree of self-awareness, about what's been holding me back as as PUA, fellas, and that's a lack of self-identity. I've just been approaching girls for months, but I haven't been honest with myself, or the girls I've been sarging, and it flet awkward, because despite practicing structure and technique, I wasn't being myself.

Yeah, I'm sexual, but I'm really in it for the power and control it brings, not orgasms, best I can tell. Cruelty is erotic to me, and by that, don't think I'm not hardcore porn, because I prefer soft, and I've not been doing a lot, these days.

I like the concept of a girl kissing a man, and cursing him in the same breath; That Sex God book on inner game during sex appeals to me, because it was all about dominance and mind games. Never had sex myself, but it sure shows my approach vector, which is my point.

Looking at all these different approaches I've seen on Youtube haven't helped me as much as they might because they weren't attitudes I relate to, especially; they love sex itself too much for my taste, it seems, though on of Mystery's appealed to me.

After having sarged already yesterday, and hit on an 8 I've been working on, went right into her office, and started gaming her, starting in about my nieces, and explaining how I like to play 'em off of each other.

She got a little emotional, me going on about my unconventional (and widely disfavored) parenting tactics, even shouting, once where one walked in asking if there was a problem, but I could she she was stroking her hair, and just continued.

Before leaving, I did a little kino escalation, grabbed her unresisting hand, and did a little cold reading, commenting on her black fingernails, and saying that she like was drawn to black in her wardrobe, which she affirmed.

And then, I just said something which surprised me: "ANd do you know what people who Like black are drawn to? They're drawn to power!" Coming from a dude on welfare, that's a strange thing to say, if not stupid but I felt like saying it, and I did, and it was the last thing in our little interaction.

I felt evil, but here I was hitting on an engaged girl (yes, she had the ring) in the midst of a bunch of other guys doing the same thing, and I yet I was finally finding my voice. Black shirt, black belts, black pants, black shoes, black socks--I was finally acting congruent.

PUAs are evil, but I was finally expressing it consonant with my character, marking territory, if ever so tentatively. Be a nice guy, they say--nice nothing! Your goal's to be cool--so unforgivingly awesome you obliterate the statues of all men that came before in your wake.

I'm starting to unerstand just how it's done.

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If you ever get the idea that I'm a crazy contrarian, just get a whiff my blogs:
http://noitartst.com/
&:
http://thevanitymirror.com/
(I think I'm provocative in a good way; see if you concur!)