| By emotional shyness I mean, the fact that I can't open up even to my relatives anymore emotionally.
Whenever anyone smiles at me, I look away, because I find it too intimate. If anyone sees my PC screen while I'm there (sees what I'm doing) I try to blank it out, no matter what that is what I'm viewing. I even find reading books emotionally unsettling, as I'm afraid that I'd get misguided or manipulated in some way, just by reading. I don't reread what I have written in the past if I know I'd have to emotionally engage with my content. I don't like smiling to someone, as I feel I lose control every time I do and it's not that, "scared" feeling, but that "subordinant" feeling, like you just have to listen to that person and be guided by him/her. I feel so frustrated right now. The ultimate issue I have is, that I can't connect to anyone, I can't create pleasurable emotions in myself or others and I can't "feel" them (this might also be related to the fact that I got screwed over a few times, I cared too much, I felt too much, and none of it was ever nor accepted or returned, it just went to waste). I can't do any creative work either. I want to start writing a book, but I don't want to go out of this zone. There's this belief that I'd feel "wrong" if I did. Maybe I think emotions are wrong. I don't know.
Can anyone help me or knows how to resolve this?
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