I strive to put myself in a position to achieve higher confidence being it; give public speeches in front of large crowds, joining a dance team, dressing nice and etc, but I don't feel that spark of new confidence every time I complete the task. I know I have leadership qualities and I do my best to exert them to the public but I still find myself alone and unwanted. It never used to be this way for me, I was a people's person. People always find me to be a cool guy. I never used to even try at all, good things just came my way ! There was just something about me that made people like me or nice to me.

For the past 4 years now I find my body to be very tense and my guard up at all times defending myself from the eye's of society. Wanting to protect myself from being misjudged and being talk bad about behind my back. I still feel like I'm just holding back, not living a full life. I perform in plays before a large crowd, I take it upon myself to do community program for kids and my colleagues, but it still feels like I'm holding back. I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin. Constantly find myself thinking about my past victories to keep myself up and tell myself I was good at these things before: being wanted and being cool.

Im only 20 and I do not want to grow any older dealing with these self esteem issues. Pray for me.

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- Smoooovv !

Sounds like somebody needs a shot of "Don't give a fuck!"

You are too needy of the approval of those around you. Stop thinking about how they feel about you. Who fucking cares how they feel about you?

Also, life isn't a play. You can fake being someone on stage and even in real life to a point, but you can't fake it to yourself. That and most people will see through your act, no matter how good you think you are.

Lifestyle is important, sure, and it's good that you have hobbies, but it sounds like you need some self love.

Make a list of "traits that make [you] a badass!"

Read them every morning. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and say out loud with conviction, "I'm fucking awesome, and I'm going to kick ass today!"

Just learn to love yourself, dude. Fuck everyone else.

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Writer, entrepreneur, life coach, man's man, traveler, friend.

CHECK OUT:
http://www.askyourselfy.com

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- Smoooovv !

Bro I agree with what you wrote 100%. Everything was on point. I just dont want to be aggressive or tough-guyish like I used to. Dont get me wrong I love my badass attitude whenever I talk but I just want to be a cool calm guy.

Word. Im am trying not to give a fuck really. But certain things just get on my nerve !

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- Smoooovv !