I know this is a pick up forum, but I'm here to talk about anxiety that comes when you have feelings for a girl.

I've had massive problems with anxiety ever since my first oneitis a couple years ago back when I was 22. She was the first girl that I fell for and she broke my heart. This is typical. What has killed me since, is my massive anxiety issues when it comes to relationships with women. When she broke it off I had such bad anxiety, I didn't sleep for a couple weeks, I was perscribed xanex, which did nothing to help. It was a couple months before I was relatively functional again.

Now, every time, which hasn't been many times, I gain some sort of feelings for a girl, I get anxiety attacks that make my breathing irregular and my body feels shaky. If I have no attachment to the girl, I can game them and sleep with them without a problem. I don't have much anxiety regarding approaching new women. My problem is when I care. I've fallen into a new oneitis this past year and I don't know how to handle my anxiety. I fear she doesn't care or will never feel the same way as me.

My biggest fear regarding this problem, is that I will never be able to have a meaningful relationship with a girl due to my anxiety. I had a girlfriend back when I graduated high school for about 6-9 months, but I never had anxiety problems. I just don't know how to care about a girl without having to battle this anxiety.

Should I see a therapist? Is this something normal to have when you care about a girl? When I'm with my oneitis and we do share our "benefits" I don't have anxiety. I'm comfortable with her. When I'm not with her, I fear that she doesn't feel for me. She's said in the past that she doesn't have feelings and she wants to be FWB. I just didn't see her as being the type to booty call guys. She claims to be a virgin.

I don't want to make this about her. I just want to make this about my anxiety problem. I don't feel like medication would help at all.

_________________
AFC Level 1

Xanax is horrible, horrible stuff, this is coming from a guy that knows his drugs. The withdrawal for xanax is what ever the reason for taking it was, times 10. So if you took it for relationship anxiety your withdrawal would be just that but times 10. Xanax was designed in a labratory to make $ for it's producers. It does have it's uses but the withdrawal potential is so high it's always best to avoid. Xanax withdrawal can be quite ongoing, The longest reported case of withdrawal is 3 years. It usually takes a person at least a year to recover. Much of the withdrawal can be disguised as general anxiety. Basically if you explain your symptoms to a doctor you would fit the criteria and they'd want to prescribe you more medication. Caffeine plays a big part as it causes anxiety on it's own and also it triggers and severely increases xanax withdrawal. It's recomended not to drink caffeine for one year after stopping xanax.

Other than that, change your beliefs, desensitize yourself.

Desensitization is what I want the most. I have no clue how to change the way I think. I'm reading Anthony Robbins which is helping me understand how to progress foward. I'm glad that I found his work. I'm just worried about how to overcome the fear and the failure. I know that I have to be able to fight through the problems. I'm breaking down now over my oneitis. I wish I could just not take things so seriously and stop over thinking the way things play out.

How can anyone desensitize?

_________________
AFC Level 1

From a mental therapeutic standpoint, I find it beneficial to understand the problem.

If you know you get anxious, determine why you get anxious. Then determine a method or logical reason why and how you should get over the problem.

There was a time when I wanted a girl so bad it hurt. I was AFC, repelled her and never got her. I hated it. 10 years later, I have no idea where she is, and don't really care.

Anxiety, I beat. I changed what I was putting in my body. No alcohol, no caffeine. no pills. The only time I get panic attacks is if I can convince myself there is a probability of me dying. That's when they get bad, like if I have unexplained chest pain. How about enjoying the fear?

Oneitus though is a whole nother ball park. It can manifest itself in many ways. Full seven step greiving process with lashing out, panic, depression. lol. It can be a wild ride since not only is the guy suffering but the girl is too. Women too have their own emotional responses. Their own internal struggles. The big thing is your thoughts. If you are sitting there thinking about what you are going to say to her, those very words you are reciting are what is causing you to feel that way. It's catch 22 because sometimes that's exactly what the girl is saying. "I feel like you don't love me anymore." If you meant oneitus with a woman you have never slept with, you really need to ask your self why you are internally planning a "relationship" without even having gotten to know her first. Then also it will become clear why a woman would not be interested in a guy who wanted to marry her or whatever without knowing her first. I get oneitus with women that have agreed to long term commitments then back out. It's about what you were expecting to happen.

Without getting too psycho therapeutic, most of your anxiety comes from the fact that you're too concerned with future outcomes. You're not thinking in the moment, rather you're thinking of what might happen a few days from now, a few weeks from now, a few months from now etc. if you get with the girl. This might not be something you do consciously it's probably more of a subconscious reaction.

I'd say the best thing to do is to quiet down your mind and you can do this by meditating.

Also train your mind to not to give a shit what people think or how people react to you.

Anyone with any anxiety should check this meditation out. It's really easy to do, just listen and breathe along and do it everyday. It'll make a MASSIVE improvement in your life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csjwB-KiJ30

_________________
The absolute best inner-game fix I've ever found

LimitlessAlpha.com

If you're one of those guys who reads countless pick-up material yet still has some trouble meeting and seducing women, because of AA or fear of rejection or whatever, this'll fix you up.