Last friday I had a date with a girl who was totally my type. She was open minded, energetic, intelligent, cute, beautiful, very active and most of all we shared the same interests. However a problem that always comes along returned as well.
Most of the time the date was just very awkward because I wasn't relaxed and comfortable, instead I was actually very tensed, I recognized it like always but I couldn't change anything about it. As a result the date wasn't fun and interesting at all, it was more that we just had to finish our time.
I have had dates where I didn't really liked the date (at least I could never see us have a future together) but still thought she was cute or friendly or just a nice girl and then the dates went way better because during these dates I had the mindset of: okay.. this is not going to be "it" so lets just make her feel comfortable have some fun and then Ill continue tonight or tomorrow my work or gym or whatever..
In general I am a very socially guy but that is only with guys, I never had any female friends in my life and actually in primary school I was a lot of times in fight with them (for small stupid reasons obvious).
Maybe this the deeper problem. That I just cant make really fun with girls (which I really almost cant). I do appreciate girls, I adore them, I love to have sex with hot girls and I think girls are good people (obvious), but fun like I have with other guys I just dont have with girls. My fun activities with guys consists of hanging around, but most of the time we do activities like gym, cinema, going out, parties, and talking/advicing each other. for some reason I can have fun doing these things with guys but not with girls.
Another thing that could be related to the problem is that I have this different mindset when I am with a girl who I think is just a standard girl. Like I mentioned my mindset with this girls more like making them feel comfortable, make it just a good thing and then continue my life. On the other hand with a cool girl it is like: 'O fuck i have to do this and this to present myself well', 'I have to make this conversation more interesting',' oh fuck there is a silence coming', and 'oh fuck im tensed'. It is so bad that my mouth gets even dry!!! And it is not even that I want to have that girl as my girlfriend because I am right now in a part of my life where I care about meeting a lot of people and self-improving, so it is not that I am a desperate guy (but it could be that I am desperate for social approval from this type of girls).
It happened once or twice that even though it was awkward the girl was really showing that she liked me (maybe she thought it was her fault). At these points I really lost my interest in her, because unconsciously I reason, like what is wrong with her how can she like me when I am behaving so unattractively, when this happens I start to relax more and I fall to the mindset where I have nothing to lose and just want to make her feel good and I can continue my life after she left..
I appreciate it if you have even only read this long story..
but what do you guys think? what are your first thoughts and what and how should/can i change what?
I really hope to improve this inconvenient part of my life and I am very curious about what you guys think.
CHAT