Hi there,

I'd like you to ask for an advice. My SPAM, and at the same time a good friend of mine, is a true natural alpha. Tall, handsome, great in attracting girls, talking to them, basically he doesn't have to do anything to be approached. For me its rather not-existing situation, and each time I have to work on each interaction very actively. The thing is, that when he is showing up around when I'm with girl (ie when we are going out, or when I'm taking her back home), I'm feeling like loosing all the attraction and connection in one single second, and everything is transferred to him. I just had a situation when girl being already in my bed decided to go home cause as she said 'she can't do it with me because of him', and this 'because of him' was few beers we had together day before as normal SPAM having guests.
I don't know how to deal with that situation. Isolate girls from him? That sounds rather stupid. I feel like I will always loose the competition and he always will be a winner. Any ideas?
Thanks guys!

I'd like to tell you my story, which is much like yours, as in: it takes work before it gets better.

My best friend was a natural alpha-male. Without so much of a clue of game, he would get out and get every girl he wanted to. This was (of course) when we were both students. Girls wouldn't only fall for you if you had accomplished something, a mere promise of future success was enough.
He was determined to make something of himself, although he had no clue what that would be. He had grand dreams and would picture himself right in the center of those dreams. That, exactly that, he would exude to women. The promise of something great.

On the other hand, there was me, unsure of who I was, what I wanted or what I could do. I could talk to a girl, but that was about it.

Over the next few years, he and I have prioritized very different things in our lives. While he was very busy being with countless girls, none of whom could make him happy, I decided to determine my own identity.
Since then, I have figured out who I am, what I want and how I can try to make that happen.

Through my self-exploration, I have found my strength, my worth in this life. I have gained self-confidence and the ability to translate this into legible non-verbal language to women (the only secret there is to show yourself for who you truly believe you are: if that attracts, she's a keeper, if not, keep searching).
Meanwhile, my friend, who has upheld illusions of his own grandeur throughout, has failed his academic promises and is currently living with his parents.


It may be entirely possible that your SPAM is an extraordinary human being, and therefore he is attractive. But have you considered the fact that you may be unique in a very different, distinct way?
What are YOUR three characteristics that, combined together, make YOU unique (or one in a million)?
And have you considered the possibility that you SPAM (like my friend) was just visualizing his own success (and thereby creating it)?

When condensing all I want to say into a few words: "WHAT ABOUT YOU?!?"

You're trying WAY too hard!

You need to learn to slow your whole life down. If your friend is the powerful, active alpha male, you be his chill and suave sidekick. Accept the role of second fiddle, you two will be a great one-two punch to lay some beautiful girls. In order to accomplish your part though, you need to work on your sense of style (buy classic, solid items that fit. Buy a few at a time, don't attempt to do it all at once. Pay attention to new style and have a few expensive items to mix with thrift-store-fashion).

You will also need to increase your self confidence and ability to meditate. Meditation is ability to stay in the present moment. Your friend probably does this subconsciously. Most introverted people do it consciously (I am an introvert who has accepted it). By accepting silences when they happen in conversation, and never losing focus on the girl sitting near you, and never feeling uncomfortable, you appear to have much more value, and the gaps allow you to only tell your best stories, instead of trying to nervously fill the silence.

You're in the right section. Read some of the inner game stickies.