Hey guys,

I'm struggling a bit at the moment; I've been single for about 6 months now after a 3 years relationship. I've just started talking with women and I'm doing pretty well. I have a date lined up tomorrow with a HB8+.

But all the time, in the back of my head, I'm thinking "Man you're not good enough for any woman, they won't want you"

I always put on a front and never show this, but in my mind I'm really paranoid about my self worth when it comes to women and relationships.

The reasons being:
*I don't have a job and I can't find one. I'm a university graduate, but cannot find work in my rural area related to what I want to be doing.
*I currently have no money at all. because of the reason above.
*I live with my parents.
Again, because of the reason above. This makes me super nervous about taking women back to mine. Everyone I know my age (24/25) is in the same position, but in my eyes (and likely any women) that's a huge negative.


I'm currently applying for jobs all over my area, but even if I got a 'bare minimum' job I feel my self worth would still be pretty low when I know I have the skills to get a $65,000 salary. Also with housing being expensive in my area, I would still not be able to afford to move out.

next up
*My hobbies are not 'alpha'. I had a shitty childhood and spent a lot of time alone, so my main hobby has always been videogames. Then I have photography and Film. Generally things that nerds do.

I don't come across nerdy, and I'm always told that; but when someone gets to know me, I'm actually not outgoing and sporty. I just sit indoors on a computer, or looking through a lens to later edit on a computer.

That's a lot of DLV you got going against you there. Just be lucky that you even get the privlege of dating at this point. Because you're primary goal should be getting your finances and career in order. I mean it is what it is. You know what your problem is and you know what needs to be done to fix it. In the meantime it's going to be problematic for you. That's just life bud.

_________________
“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

I don't know how this guy above me got the status of being a "forum leader" sharing this kind of advice, but
it looks like I'm definitely at the wrong place.

Anyways, on to your question.

What you have here is a very common case of "Feeling like shit" compared to her (That's a technical term by the way).

The first thing you need to understand that, unlike what our "forum leader" above here is saying, your dating life has pretty much nothing to do with your finances. And I'm serious here. I've dated hoties with pennies in my back pocket, not having enough money to even pay for a bus ticket.

It's all in the attitude.

How to achieve this attitude?

Well to fix this inner game challenge of yours, do this one thing:

Go somewhere where you will be undisturbed and take a sheet of paper and a pen.

1. Next, listen to that little voice in your head and what does it say? What insecurities
or reasons to feel like shit does it give you?

2. Write it down. Write everything down. Write what that little voice in your mind is saying.
Just listen to it, and write everything down.

3. When the voice stops, ask him - and what else?

So the voice might say: "You are broke and your ass doesn't deserve to bang any hotties"

You say: "Ok, what else"

And then you continue that untill the voice has nothing else to say.

When you do this, you will notice a shift in how you feel about yourself. You will notice feeling different.

The idea behind this is for you to stop fighting this little voice, but to accept it and by doing that - it will lose it's power.

Imagine this scenario:

Somebody comes to you as you're doing some work and starts yelling at you about how stupid you are and how ignorant you are. You get up, of course all macho man and stuff, look him and the eyes and start fighting back.

What happens?

The argument probably escalates and it turns into a fight maybe.

But what if, you get that same guy walking in, starting to yell at you and call you names but this time, instead of yelling back and arguing you look at him and you say: "Aha, what else?...Ok, and what else?"

What will probably happen?

Well the guy will probably get tired of you and leave you alone. Because his intention was to FIGHT you, just like that little voice in your head is fighting you.

You want to avoid fighting it, and just accept what ever it is saying to you. By doing that, the voice will eventually give up and leave you alone, and you will feel just fine.

So go ahead, take a sheet of paper right now, take a pen, lock your doors and be undisturbed for the next couple of minutes and do this one exercise.

After you're done, let me or us know how it went.

Talk to you soon,

Phantom

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I made my list, but I still feel bad.

For some reason I'm feeling especially down today.

A girl is free to see me in 5 mins but I'm feeling too useless to go see her.

Lol, that took time.

I hoped you would finish it faster, because I got a second part of this exercise.

After you let that voice speak and speak what ever it has to say, you continue
with YOUR counter-argument.

So if for example the voice said: "You're broke and you have no business dating"
you let it speak, and then you continue with: "It's true that I'm broke, but I won't
be broke for ever. Eventually I'll get a job. I mean I can't go through my entire
life without having a job."

So you counter-argue every statement that voice says. You explain it further to
yourself, so you don't stay at that "I suck" mentallity.

Hope that date went well, next time use this 2 part exercise.

Phantom

_________________
Test out my new Approach Anxiety technique, that eliminates your AA
in UNDER an hour (2022 updated)

You can try it here Here: New AA Cure