Hi guys, in the last period i thought really much about my changes of mindset, and i got the conclusion that something is wrong, so i'll tell you about it, so we could do a reflection and maybe i could get some advices from you.
You have to know that i live on a little island in Italy, winter is not so fun, but in summer arrive more than one million tourist, and yes, as you can imagine there are really much girls from all europe, it's simply amazing! The story began about one year and half ago, 2/3 months before summer i was really shy, i wasn't interested meeting new people, i was considered a loser in my school, and everything went wrong.
I don't know really why, but one day a few weeks before the beginning of summer i got up and i began to think differently. In something like 2 weeks i was completely another person. So summer started and i began to get girls and new friends, there wasn't approach anxiety, there wasn't problem at all. Every time i had a chance to know a girl, i took it, and my self esteem grew up really quickly. At the beginning i chose only beautiful girl, but i needed to be stimulated from a smart girl, so i started to met only this kind of one because conversations and the possible relation could be healthy. The same for new friends! From one social circle i had at the beginning of summer, at the end of it i had 8 great social circles. And this is great you know, i think every person i met is like a fundamental piece of the puzzle (which is metaphorically me) every idea, every thought, made me open minded and now i can get some different idea on a fact, i think this approach on people made me smarter than i was.
So summer ended, school and my tennis trainings began and i had not so much time to meet new people, i only kept in contact with friends and girls i met during summer. In winter i discovered Pua Forums and i decided do subscribe this forum, in search of new friends with which share ideas (: Your openers are great and also routines are fantastic, some of you are like a machine gun of woman, anyway i decided not to use them, i prefer use my fantasy. During winter i thought about all my new friends and their ideas. Everyone of them tended to happiness and i discovered there are really much ways to be happy at 100%. I was basically an happy person during the previous Summer (2011), but not at all: i don't know what, but something missed.
When Summer 2012 began, i met a german girl, i made up with her, but i still didn't have the feeling of pure happiness. About three weeks later i met a girl, she was perfect for me and we stay together about a week (then she had to come back home) and I feel really happy for the first time, and that was because she was happy! Make her smile was the only thing that really matters for me. Finally i understood what i have to do to be extremely happy, and this was also easy! When she came back home, she doesn't reply anymore to my phone calls and messages! I wasn't so obsessive, i sent her a pair of messages or a phone call per week! I don't really knew where i was wrong, i tried my best to make that moments unforgivable for her, and this is the result. When we stayed together she also said "i would like to accomodate you at my home", so as you can read, it was her initiative! Today i still ask myself where i mistake… anyway let's continue the story!
After this episode i decided to stop searching for girls, and began to search for "the girl" and that's a huge difference, believe me. The last story make me thought that i was only a "far far memory of a guy they maybe met once", for all the girls i ever stayed with, even if i fought every time i make them phone calls or sent messages. And this was true, crystalline and it hurts really hard for me. I thought that maybe i should be more selective with girls, find the perfect one, every time. The number of girls I get decrease a lot during this Summer compared to Summer 2011, but i am happier!
Unfortunately i met a girl on the 10 of August and i directly fall in love with her, at the first sight. She was in vacation with her family in the private beach where i worked as lifeguard (and don't think i have free time to stay with her, in Italy if you work as lifeguard you get up at 7 and you go to bed at 9 if you want to be fresh the next day, it's a really hard job, physically and mentally, and there is not so much time to meet new people in that conditions) : dad, uncle, little sister…… i could have had all the reasons to give up on her, but i follow the instinct, there is latin blood inside me, and i strongly decided that i would have know her. The very first time i talked to her i was openly refused, but the next day a friend of her told me she likes me. I immediately understood that this time it would have been really hard to get her, so i tried to get closer, but every time i tried it, the destiny and bad luck shoot me down! And don't forgot we are talking about a tourist, so i had to fight also with the time, and you know better of me that time is unbeatable. In fact the 17 August she came back home, and i remain only with Facebook and her number. It was the best i could do at the time.
After 2 days she texts me saying she would have returned in around 10 days, so i began to text her more frequently. In the text game i had IOIs who rain like water. When she came back i don't really wanted to k-close with her, but for first i wanted to talk with her and understand if she's right for me. So I talked with her all the first day, and i would have gone for the close the next one. She was right for me, really, and i was so much happy for this. The second day I k-Close her, and she immediately said "Andrea thanks to make me happy". We knew better and better every day, and also she said "i would like to accomodate you at my home" and that she wanted a relationship with me. I think that if she wanted so hard this relationship, even if she lives 400 kms from me, i can get the train and go to her every week, and sometimes stay there. Maybe it could works. So i agreed, also because she is the kind of girl i ever wanted to be engaged with. And the sentence she said the first time i kissed her, after all the evolution of mindset, literally brought me to seventh heaven. After three days she came back home she phoned me and she said she doesn't feel anymore to keep a distance relationship. This has no sense for me!! 3 days of distance isn't even an attempt to keep a relationship! I suffered really much for this, call me weak, but i cried for 3 days because i couldn't understand where i got wrong, i left her in a state of pure love and after 3 days she phoned me to say this. I feel teased from her! And what's more, she keeps to text me. Guys I don't really know where i got wrong, because asked this to every friend, every person that could help me, and now i ask you too!

So i think i've found a stable mindset, it works, i know how to be happy, it's solid, my life changed from the day i use these ideas. But i continue asking myself were i wrong attitude with these girls. My game is sparkling i love do it, and i never had serious problems on it. So my Questions are two:

1) What do you think of my mindset, and where i should change it.

2) What will you do now with this girl (last story), considering i'll see it again next year and i want to keep in contact with her because i really like her.


Thanks for reading and excuse me for my bad english.

Andrea

What's up man. Listen, everyone goes through phases and changes. One phase you're wanting to hook up with as many girls as possible, and the next phase you're looking for a girl that's right for you. Honestly though, it's tough to say that a tourist is the one for you. They come, they go, and let's be honest... long distance relationships are extremely hard to maintain. Not only that, these girls are from other countries.

1. I think your mind set is too focused on meeting "the one". You find a girl, and instantly fall for her. It's not that you fell for her, but because you want to find the one girl for you, you make it seem in your head that she's the one for you, when she's really not. You have to think about it logically. I'm not saying she wasn't the one for you, but it's rare, especially in your situation. I think you're really caught up with this girl, it's messing with your mental state. Let it slide, take it easy. Cut down the amount you call and text her. Go out and have fun, there's nothing you can do anything about it right now, am I right?

2. Next year. That's a long time my man. Chances are, your feelings for her and her feelings for you could be completely and probably will be changed. Just keep your solid game with her, not too much, not too little. Enough for you to maintain a positive connection to be able to hang out when she visits next year.

The worst thing you can do is let it eat at your emotions. You fall for a girl when she falls for you. Other than that you're face planting.

_________________
Seeking advice from someone doesn't mean you have admitted defeat. It means you have acknowledged their superiority, and with their guidance, you will become more superior as well.

Thanks man! I really appreciate your advices, but i'm not texting/calling her anymore for 10 days. I simply don't give about her now. The fact is that i really wasn't superficial when i say she's particular and i liked her that's because she' s the only one until now who had converted physical attraction in character attraction. Anyway, you're right: i can't do anything and i won't, and an year is so much time it could happen everything.

Now the problem is: I have to return the one i was an year ago, like a machine gun. But as you can imagine, more girls we meet, more different situations appear in front of us and sometimes could happen i will really like some girls and keep a contact with her. This time i fell in her "trap" and i'm sure there are tons of girls like her outside. If i want to keep contacts with a girl i need to keep in her mind the mental state in which i am trophy and she's lucky to know me and not to make her believe she's the most important and decisional part of "the couple".