Despite the claims of certain members in the PUA community, social validation is a very necessary thing. Not to be confused with social proof, social validation is receiving direct feedback and needing approval from a social group. We all use it, and we all need it. We wouldn't be on forums if it was otherwise.

Of course, appearing like you do not need social validation is a strong tool. Appearing like you already have your center, and you are the prime reality can be very useful.

So where does the balance come in?

One method I've been leaning towards lately is being firm but non-confrontational in the face of someone telling me I'm doing wrong (unless, of course, I am willing to cede power to this person publicly or privately). I can change my behavior they pointed out in the future, while maintaining strong presence NOW.

Thoughts?

Hey

I have to say i disagree with you on this one. A need for approval is hardwired on us because we all see the world from our own point of view. How we view the world is how it is. So when we view or judge other people, that is how they are. Since that is how we think, how other people view us should be how we are. I feel like this is a lie.
Another reason we want social validation is because we want people to like us.

I would like to say however that we don't really need social approval if we have our own reality. Why should it matter what otters think about us? why let it affect anything? Your mind is so flexible that you can change it in so manny ways. one of these is to not need social validation.

We're definitely looking at this one differently

There is something to be said for alpha mentality and "I don't give a shit if I walk around with a cartoon of a dog turd and a funny saying under it," but some stuff just works out better imo if you accept certain cultural value judgments. For example, if I whole-heartedly think rape should be the solution to all problems - social validation - the emotional trigger to being judged positively or negatively by peers - can change you for the better. This is an extreme example, of course.

I think social validation is just another tool like logic and intuition - but it is much more prone to back-firing. I don't think the solution in attracting people is to eliminate it, but to reduce it and not necessarily act on the emotional charge, rather pass it off to other parts of the brain.

2c

In modern pop psychology, self-esteem is this imagined state that gets in our way. As if someone decides to have low self-esteem and it becomes the source of their problems, and someone else decides to have high self-esteem and it gets them everywhere.

"High esteem" literally means thinking highly of someone. You'd have to think that self-esteem at least SLIGHTLY depends on what other people actually think of you. There are some people who try to treat self-esteem as an internal problem, but collide right into the brick wall of their actual reputation and how they actually come off. Going to the gym, developing a better sense of humor, dressing better... these things can all start a positive feedback cycle: people start responding to you better, so you hold yourself in higher esteem, so you appear more confident, and people look at you as more powerful, and...

And if you're actually doing something wrong (at your job, in your social circle), pretending like you're still awesome might not actually do yourself any favors. Every once in a while there's a guy who makes girls feel uncomfortable, but thinks that he can overcome this with persistence and (temporary) confidence. What this guy needs to do is take a step back and work on himself for a while.

So why are people telling you that you're doing wrong? Are you surrounded by negative people? Are you making the same mistake over and over? Do you like challenging situations? Are you just being overly sensitive to other peoples' suggestions? The issue is different for different guys.

Without knowing more, one thing is always true: a lot of confidence comes from whatever you're good at. (And if that's nothing, then becoming good at almost anything would help.) Then, as that sense of being "good" at something becomes a part of your core of your sense of self, you can go out and make some mistakes without it affecting you as much. And make the right kind of mistakes at a challenge level where you can learn, instead of just jumping into the lion's den.