Ok this post used to be much longer but I don't think you guys wanna read all that shit so I narrowed it down to just the basics. Ok here goes. Basically, I'm good at having conversations with people right now. I used to suck ass but now I'm doin good. The problem is, that I am not interesting. I make other people talk, and I can get along with just about everybody in a one on one conversation and they will like me, however I'm not AWESOME. I notice some people (particularly alpha males) will always have a funny story to tell, something that happened to them, and they have a certain...way...or style or manner...(I'm not sure how to describe it) of talking, that makes them different. It makes them individual. I know that I don't have one because every time I talk to someone who does I find myself imitating them and their style, which I know is bad because I'm trying to be THEM. I want to have my own style. I want to be the one who people want to imitate. I want to have amazing hilarious stories to tell, when I speak I want to CAPTIVATE everyone who is listening, and be truly AWESOME.

I know that when I talk to people, I have loads and loads of social programming mixed with fear, anxiety and low self esteem (even though I come off confident in my interactions, and people think I am, I still deep inside am very insecure and it shows from time to time). The root of the problem, I think, is that I don't know WHO I AM. I know that I am a filmmaker and actor, I am a wannabe pickup artist, and what kind of music I like etc. but as far as DEEP DOWN having a rock solid sense of self and confidence, and completely loving myself (not being egotistical, which is how I come off when I try to love myself), I am absolutely pathetic. I thought I would be past that by now, but really I have no idea how.

I thought that maybe I am just introverted, and that's how it is. But learned that introvertedness is an indicator of a "trapped soul" as my acting teacher puts it. Introverted personalities (no matter if they are content being introverted or not, like Johnny Depp for instance) are just what happens when someone has emotional struggles to overcome. They are stuck inside their heads, and they are less happy then extroverted people.

I used to think that's just how I was, but then I remembered back to when I was a kid, I was extroverted, not shy at all, life of the party and always the center of attention. It wasn't until later that I became introverted and socially awkward. That's not me. I am not that way, and neither is anybody else. Notice how when you're feeling crazy, confident, and AWESOME that you're friendly, you're good with women, and you're HAPPY. That's how it is with everybody. We are programmed to be social because we're people. That's the way we are. Introvertedness isn't a type of personality, it's a challange to overcome. And it must be overcome. The problem is that lost of people accept it as how they are and don't deal with it. I want to deal with it. I'm not happy unless I'm feeling extroverted. I may be content, and it may be easier to just be an introvert and learn to be comfortable with that, and you may have friends and girlfriends being introverted, but you will never be who you truly are unless you can set your soul free. Unless you can dig deep inside and truly discover who you really are, that you are an Alpha Male, and you always have been. There's just tons and tons of bad ju ju going on inside you that makes you scared to express yourself, to be you.

That's what I want to do. I want to not just live, but to be truly ALIVE. I don't want to be intimidated by anybody, because they are, after all, people. Just like me. And just like you. The problem is, few will ever really discover themselves and their true happiness. What I want to do is find out how to do it, and then help other people to overcome it. If you're happy being introverted and content being shy, then that's great have a nice life. But if you're looking for something more, if you want to really be yourself, that awesome little kid you were when you were 3 years old, then I encourage you to journey with me and try to find your true, happy, confident, awesome self. If you know the secret to finding and being AWESOME, please share. I will do all I can to help other people find themselves once I have done so for myself.

The problem is I have no idea how to do this. If you have the answers, please share. There's millions of introverts out there that would give anything to know how to be themselves. Including me.

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In order to get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.

Eh, I'm sorry but this "being introverted is a mental disorder" and "being alpha" nonsense is kind of silly. I am not a monkey, although a lot of other people don't seem too dissimilar (which is why "being alpha" tricks and methods work on them).

Anyway, introverted != shy. I'll agree that being shy is a character flaw though. What being introverted means is basically being less interested in group interactions than in other activities which stimulate other parts of your brain, being more intensively interested in specific things rather than shallowly in a lot of things and more such things. Introverted people will enjoy a conversation on topics which hold their interest and will also be better conversationalists in these areas but won't be interested in exchanging random funny stories or talking about sports unless they happen to really enjoy the particular sport being talked about.

In my personal situation, I guess I am introverted. I really don't care for funny stories and superficial blah blah. I also have some very strange (imo) superficial insecurities, like I have a mild checkout-counter phobia (not clinical, can still go to the shop lol) but only towards things and/or activities, never directly towards other people. Either way, I am who I am, I like it (even my little insecurities, I find them pretty hilarious most of the time and they're probably hardwired so unfixable so gotta live with it) and I'm not going to change who I am just because society (like your teacher) has some kind of image on what is the best way to be. I couldn't care less if anyone thinks I'm cool or funny. I don't rate people including myself based on how cool or funny they are so I'm on a totally different wavelength from most people.

It's obvious your only problem is that you don't like yourself. It has nothing to do with being introverted or extraverted and even if you would succeed at playing alpha then all you'd accomplish is being one of those fools I quietly laugh at who may be popular but lack the true and deep affection of the most important person in their life, themselves. Trying to force alphaness as a cure for self-esteem issues when you are not naturally alpha at all is like changing the tires on a car with a broken engine.

At any rate, I think true introverts (as opposed to insecure people with no story whatsoever who are neither introvert nor extravert) are much more solid and have a much stronger frame than extraverts. If anything I've been trying to become more introvert in the sense that I get distracted easily and I sometimes get involved in someone's frame "just to be polite" when I don't care about said frame and it's not socially mandatory to accept it.