For a long, and I MEAN A LONG time, I've documented things. It’s just the way I've been since I was a kid. Most of the time I write stuff down, and never reviewed it ever again. So has been the case with my journal. I haven't really ever back tracked and looked at what I wrote down. I will start though.

My BIGGEST draw back however, is that this PUA thing never had its purpose with me. I'm sure the generic; get better with women was always my slogan. However, why do I really want to get better with people and women? I have yet to define this. It was always just an assumption. I think every man wants the glory, the good life, or someone he can call his. Any man that disputes this, well he's a liar. A good man just learns to make this a lesser part of himself and his purpose. I will define why I want women, its purpose.

I HAVE not made goals that I can measure, and easily obtain. If I made goals, they weren't realistic at all. I might have to set down a realistic game plan and strategy. My first goal is to get the hell out of the house so I can talk to people. Need to build a social life. In my next post I'll outline some realistic goals.

Partners- Its tough going through any journey alone, but I'm going to do health and fitness with my little sister. She's a health wiz and exercises regularly. She'll make sure I stay course with my health and diet. Some things like masturbation, I just got to walk through on my own.... Or, the Masturbation Annihilation Nation (M.A.N.) ha-ha, that’d be great.

This is a first attempt to make a plan in order to get my facts straight and help me actually progress in PUA. My major problem is the fact that I am relatively isolated away from people and situations. In order to improve I need to surround my self in new areas and situations. However, my current lack of transportation, money, and other necessary means prohibits me from being able to improve. In short it should be no surprise that my plan includes the attainment of money.

1.) Job- Need one pretty, bad. I need a stable place to work, and at least make 10'000 US dollars per year. That might not be significant, but it helps to get started.

Purpose- The greatest reason I want a job is for my independence. People will laugh, but I am still heavily dependant on my parents for money. My mom rarely allows me to use her car to go any where, and I can buy few things I want for my self. My incentive is to have enough money to do basic things, like get a car, take my baby sister to a museum, or be able to catch a movie when I want. I have few stress releasing distractions in my life, and so I want to make this known, that I wish to become independent.

Goals-

A.) Saving up around 5'000-7'000 US dollars and purchasing a vehicle that can get me from point A to point B. I'd prefer something like a toyato prius with some fuel efficiency so I don't burn all my money on gas.

Target Date- The date I set for having my own car is February 6th, 2012. So about a year from now, I expect to have a car.

B.) Have a steady form of income in order to purchase therapy. A big thing I want to do, is be able to actually get some therapy. I think it'll help put me in a positive direction.

Target Date- August 9th 2011, roughly 5 months from now.

C.) Invest in IT certification programs. My dad does it all the time, he goes out and takes the Microsoft certified test. And although I'm in college for business, I need to find a better job immediately. When I say immediately I mean with in the next year or so. I can't buy a condo or live a decent lifestyle with out it. I plan to take a few of these in order to increase my pay and find a good job eventually. These include but not limited to:

1.) Microsoft Certifications:
A.) MCSA- Microsoft Certified Systems Administrator
B.) MCSE- Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer
C.) MCDBA- Microsoft Certified Database Administrator

2.) Cisco Certifications:
A.) Entry Level Network Security Certification (CCNA- Cisco Certified Network Associate)

3.) Red Hat Linux Certified

Estimated Cost- Roughly 2'000 US Dollars

Projected Earnings- Roughly 20'000 US Dollars

Purpose- To get a well paying job, 30'000-50'000 at starting pay in order to get ready for my next objective.

Target Date- April 15th of 2012

D.) Final Goal from Getting a Job- Buying my own damn condo. I need to move out of home and have my own place to stay.


Purpose- I want to live closer to Chicago so that I can go to clubs, have a decent well paying job, and do stuff whenever I want to. I don't want to have to rely solely on a motor vehicle, and would love to use public transit. I also wouldn't mind being able to through a few parties, and from time to time allow my baby sister a refuge from our parents’ house when she visits.

Target Date- June of 2013 (Significance- I’ll be done with my bachelors by then, and I’ll be able to probably land an even better job).

Execution of this plan-

1.) Apply for 5 jobs at least 3 days out of the week.

2.) Save the money over a period of times. The money will be broken into 6 categories.
A.) Car
B.) Savings for emergencies
C.) Personal Entertainment- Clubs, drinks, cabs, etc.
D.) Condo
E.) Certifications
F.) Therapy, Holistic Wellness Purposes

3.) Purchase a Car: Will give me the ability to move around, go to clubs, and gain a degree of autonomy I currently don't witness.

4.) Completion of Certifications in order to increase pay.

5.) Locate a new and better job after working in one place for roughly a year or so.

6.) Begin saving up for the down payment on my new condo.

7.) Move the fuck out and be able to go out to a club every weekend.


There you have it, a solid plan in terms of getting my finances straight. Having 3 dollars and 15 cents to your name isn’t all that conducive to being able to go out and game. Job, Car, Condo. That’s my motto for quite sometime. I’ll get into gaming heavy once I get a car and start my therapy. For now, I just need to get a job. I’ll take one step at a time.

I've relatively collapsed in terms of being able to hold my self from masturbating yet again. I'm not ashamed though, and I expected my self to slip a bit. I need to document the number of times I do it a day. That seemed to help me keep the demons at bay. But I also need to develop some solid strategies in order to achieve my goals. I have 3 Objectives as of now that I will focus all my attention on (Controlling the Amount of times I masturbate, getting a steady flow of cash, weight loss and health). For one of these I have already made a clear and well laid out plan of execution. Now I will lay a jumble of mess over the next several days in order to lay out a clear "big plan" an ultimate plan of what I plan to do, how I plan to achieve it, why, and when. I will lay out a time table one of these days, and I will line up objectives that fall from one to the next.

I'm so proud of my self, sounds lame, but I haven't masturbated all day today. Its an enormous accomplishment, I'm getting my self back on track. In other news, I've been working out again so thats all good. I'll be coming up with what I call my total plan and lay it out on the forum. I'm excited.

Where is your plan? Im interested

I didn't read everything in here only the first and last posts, but it sounds like you are working hard and your addicted to masturbation^^

what's wrong about masturbating? I mean it just gives you a nice feeling and that's the way you should look at it. Why don't do something that makes you feel good?
Ok having sex is even better, but sometimes after sex I just want to sleep. Not talk and cuddle.
Turn off your head and just do it bro!

In order to say something about your goals....
I could just quote Kosmo; "It's not just about picking up women. It's about building a life!"
The game isn't just about picking up. Actually life is just a game.
Go out and game everybody.
A friend of mine had some interviews for his studies at some hotels in the area here in Germany. ( It's called dual-studies here. Half the week you work at the hotel the other days you go to the university and study)
To make a long story short, he passed successfully through the first 4 interviews and every hotel offered him the job. In the 5th interview he walked in and just said; " You have my CV. Every other hotel offered me the job so convince me why I should choose your hotel." And it worked.

My point is; take life as a game and everything will work out.

PS: I would not buy a Prius! Chicks are not into Hybrid cars! If you are living in the USA just get a good old muscle car. I would love to get one, but they are ridiculous expensive here in Germany.

Sorry guys I'll have something up very soon. I've been very busy and finals are going on at my school. I tend to stay away from forums, or people when I become depressed enough to become roughty and rebellious. It often causes malcontent and displeasure to those around me. So I have evaded the forums and stayed away from people I know because I've been hellah depressed. I'll finish my plan soon.

Sorry if this is off topic, I just want to say... Gaius you're writing skills and literacy is amazing I feel like you should write a book or something. I smile when I read your posts

Use this as advantage in your life bro

Thank you very much; I try hard to be a literate person. I think what makes me writing so appealing is its story format. I even write official documents in story format sometimes. Perspective employers have often said they become excited when reading my cover letters. So thank you, it gives me something good to think about and look at. I think expressing my self through writing helps me to relax and think. It helps me to be a more positive person, and gives me a true idea of where I’m at in my life. Thank you all for your input. I think I will stick with the first part of my plan before I go too far off on a tangent. Though there is a plan to loss weight, and cut out bad habits. Again, thanks to you all.

Sincerely,

Gaius

Well, may you still post your plan. I am very interested to see what you have conjured up.

As of now finals are going on in my school for the next couple of weeks, so I will primarily focus on that. I will make a plan in a few weeks after school is finally finished.

This seems to not have gotten any traction in the other section I posted it in, so I'm reposting a shortened version here. Basically my problem is this; I do not do well with maintaining relationships or big groups. I often get caught in the middle of a tension or a war of emotional dislike and verbal attrition. No other words can describe the inept nature in which I mingle with groups. Therefore, I am requesting the council, guidance, and wisdom of persons on this forum.

My primary problems include but are not limited to:

1.) Feeling awkward or defeated around groups. For whatever reason I become extremely depressed around big groups, and I fear people. People tend to act phony and untrustworthy in groups, and make jokes to hurt my small fragile ego. Go figure.

2.) Not being able to select the women I want in groups because other guys tend to trample over my opinions, even if I try to forcefully repeat my statements and be heard. People tend to cut me off and not respect my words.

3.) I often evade groups because of the discomfort I receive from them; I shut down and become anti- social for several days up to several weeks.

4.) I have no problem with introduction, and the first few laughs, but my mid-game is all off.

5.) I have really shitty social skills point blank. I would like to attribute this to a family history mental illnesses, fear, and depression.

All in all, I'm not a bad looking guy, but some accounts I'm quite handsome, if I worked out a bit I'd look extremely handsome. But with all this being said, I sometimes become shy, timid, and afraid of people because of how they hurt me in the past. So I often try to avoid conflict and tension with them. This fear has caused me to become even more social inept than I was before. Even though there are moments when I can truly express myself and shine, most of the time my expression is muttered by both my foolishness and the foolishness of others.

I simply can't escape the hurt of my past. It's like a deep wound that refuses to heal. I have learned to accept that my looks do not hold me back, but rather my attitudes and spirits. But I have yet learned to understand or comprehend a way for me to accept life's journey for what it is. Maybe I am meant to be trapped in all this misery and foolishness for an eternity. Maybe life will never grant my mind, body, and spirit, the freedom I so desire and wish for. I harbor over what can possible cause me to hurt this way, and what I can do to change it.

I know many are tired of this victim narrative, but I cannot express myself or my intent in any other way. Just a fools few words.

If there was a song to help express my frustration it would be this song which was so beautifully written.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqzMXSqDmQs[/youtube]

Pleasure in my life just seems so fight, but like a soldier I fight on despite emotionally distress and despair. I think Tupac said it best,

Was born rough and rugged, addressin the mad public
My attitude was, "Fuck it," cause motherfuckers love it
To be a soldier, must maintain composure at ease
Though life is complicated, only what you make it to be

All in all this was just a thought.

Sincerely,

Gaius

I suggest you to think less and do more. You can build up your confidence and self esteem by forgetting the past and start doing something in the present and planning about the past. This will help you alot in building up your confidence and keep a good company.

_________________
bedding

I will NOT forget because I actually need to understand the problem and accept its consequences before I can move on. I'm trying to analyze and understand the situation, which is the way I progress and move on, by understanding something fully, and then accepting the repercussions of that understanding.

Yesterday I felt a tremendous leap forward. For months I had not told anyone my feelings or why I was so bitter against many people. But finally after months of masking my anger and fury I finally talked to somebody and they are finally going to help me get some help. I was finally able to find some cheap but good therapy; I did not know my school offered therapy and references out to local clinics. I consider this a massive leap forward. I'm finally getting some help and getting to express some issues. I hope this continues to move in a positive direction.