Don't beat yourself up too much.

It used happen to me a lot too. I go out full of good intention but do not take any actions at all. Of course, there's a bunch of reasons for that: no good sets, missing the only good opportunity... In the end, I go back home depressed and beat myself up.

In my case, it's a vicious cycle. No sets, I fail in approaching the only opportunity and end up beating myself up. That's a problem. The thing is... I was doing it bad... and maybe are you doing that too.

A first piece of advice would be, don't go out to sarge... but sarge to go out. If sarging is your only purpose when you go out, you'll end up depressed if it doesn't go well. Go out for a reason (taking pictures, shopping in a mall, going to the school...) and then sarge.

Not hot girls? Why not speaking to general people? It would have probably put you in a good social state and you would be less depressed! Every experience is good to take (I realize I also need to apply this more often!).
Have you taken a look at the link Hobbit posted? Why not finding a hobby, joining an association, taking the lead and creating events for people? Find what's better suits you.

On another note, I feel a bit lonely too since I'm back in Paris... In São Paulo, I worked on having a cool social circle that allowed me not to feel "low value". Try to find a solution to build a better social circle... organize stuff with friends... introduce people you know to others... Having a great social circle is gold when it come to get girls... I mean, I'm not a PUA as you know, but when I was in Brazil, I had some success because I've created the friendly environment that allowed me to show some value... I was in bars, surrounded by friends who gave me value: it showed I was a cool guy, I knew a lot of people and I knew how to have fun! But it's hard to build this from scratch (that's what I'll be obliged to do soon)... but this is priceless I think. It's way more difficult to show high value to a girl while approaching her in a street. In a bar full of friends having fun... it's way easier.
Don't be so negative... I'm sure some funny stuff happened to you while approaching. Laugh about it. Besides, don't forget the meaning of what you're doing. You're trying to improve yourself. And again, approach people in general, do small talk. Then approach girls (and then hot girls ).

Never give up. The beginning is the hardest part. You'll start to have fun little by little.

Daniel..

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

I think im forgetting the general idea of inner game. Of course it is to make me able to be able to approach more easily, but aswell as this, too sort out my belief system etc. however what it is not is trying to control my mood and be super happy all the time.

Your right that post earlier was just the result of all or nothing thinking, so I didnt manage to approach today, so what! Ill approach tomorow, and ill keep improving because i want to. its wierd how much negative thinking and thoughts in general affect our state and where we're at mentally. this is defo something ill need to manage.

yeah definitely, from now on im going to have something productive and well...fun to do each time i go out. Ive been putting to much pressure on this whole approaching thing, whilst it needs to be done to improve, ive gotta want to do it. Im sure if i went out with the intention to..check out the bookstores for books on a hobby or something, and i saw plenty of hot women, it would be much easier

and yes funny things do happen. I remember one time, i asked a girl for where to by a denim jacket, and she replied with "umm, charity shop" It was an insult to me i guess, but at the same time it was funny as hell and me and a pal had a good laugh. your right, i should be enjoying this, im doing it for fun.

defo aint giving up. I aint no quitter

cheers daniel, your post really helped! hopefully soon ill be able to help you out too man!

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

hey just quick update

ive found following blueprint has really helped. my daily "game workout" is basically the same, just going through different beliefs, but its more structured. I go through who i know i am, my values and boundaries, and how i expect people to behave around me, journaling is really good tool for doing this.

from there its just practical things like getting into state etc

one thing ive learnt from last few weeks is that sometimes shit happens, and it will affect my mood/emotions. but that doesnt mean ive lost all sense of who i am etc or "inner game" its just one of those things. quicker you get out of negative thinking and into positive thinking the better. I no longer fear the next time one of these negative cycles occur, but instead i want to just see it as a guide, telling me of a problem.

update soon!

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

I totally feel you, i know exactly what you mean.

To the thread starter:

Great thread, gives some inspiration.
I am going to follow your method, and i will add something powerful on top of it.
I am inspired by Fight Club, seen the move 3 times now reading the book.




I'm gonna start street fights with random guys. I will start out with guys my size and work up to bigger guys.
I will try to have one streetfight per day.
I think this is the ultimate tool for gaining balls of steel.
Bare fist fights a la Fight Club
I'm gonna start with it soon, fighting one guy each day.



I need a prescription for a heavy dose of man the fuck up!


Fuck only using 'mental tools' .
Ok they are fine, but they are just tools.
You still need to kick some real ass to feel like it completely.
This is like Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy for getting nerves of steel and balls of brass.

The NLP mind part is the Cognitive part of the therapy.
And the street fighting + approaching women is the Behavioural part of the therapy.

I'm being honest with you i'm a complete pussy on social skills. Needy, the nice guy, submissive.
And i'm fighting i'm not a complete pussy, only 'slightly scared' in street fights, i do muay thai.
I'm gonna feel the fear and do it anyway, untill i have total confidence in confrontations, from there on i'm sure my alphaness will shine especially around males which will be great and build my confidence around girls also.

I'm so excited to start the street fighting, i hope no one will pull a knife on me or seriously injure me, but i don't give a fuck, and that's about really imitating Tyler Durden.

'Rather risk my life than living the rest of my life as being a copy of a copy, of a copy, of a copy..'

_________________
The king or the devil?
Fuck knows... Maybe both =))

dude, whilst i greatly respect the man that truly knows and does as he pleases away from fear, do you really think this is a good idea?

I mean, not only do you risk getting killed/arrested, but do you really want to be seen as that "dick" who always tries to start a fight?

i think being good socially has alot to do with realising people aint out to hurt you, you dont have to be some badass motherfucker. your just talking and socialising and hopefully chatting up some birds, not slaying dragons.

that being said, being able to overcome fear in any situation would be a great tool, and im sure going fightclub would be a good way to do this, just be careful. remember in fight club, they have at least some rules, there wont be anyone there to stop him from killing you should you go limp.

how about this, go upto every girl you see instead? thats a pretty dam scary thing to do. even girls with their boyfriends.

either way, keep us updated man

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Yeah the street fight thing sounds legit, but someone's gonna call 911 on you.

And you know muay thai! It seems like an abuse of your skills to use them on someone without a chance.

I think this is a cop-out. It's hard to approach girls, so you choose the lesser of two ballsy actions and want to street fight. You already have the skills for that as a martial artist, learn the skills of pick up and do that every day. Takes just as much guts.

I like this thread but do you really need this thread boxer spirit? You seem like a man of few problems and few issues. I see this thread as hosting people with many problems and hardships. I think you'd be much better in the field report section. It's just my personal opinion. I think you are healthy and fine enough to ditch this section. I don't see much of a struggle being overcome here lol. Again this is just my humble opinion.

_________________
The Masturbation Federation

In my situation this is a great idea.
The place where i live is full of arrogant close minded and racist people, if i have to compare to America, let us say i live between 'rednecks'.

Ok now serious,

Getting killed, nah probably won't happen. I don't care actually, even if there is a risk, i rather risk getting killed than being a loser for the rest of my life. I can also get killed by getting cancer or having a car accident. What does it matter, there's always a chance you're gonna die.

Arrested, won't happen... i think i am too smart for that. I will park my car 2 streets further, let the fight not take more than 2 minutes, so i can run away to my car without the victim seeing my plates and being able to drive away lol. Even IF i do get arrested, whatever, here you get released the same day and you'll just have to pay the 'damage to the other guy' in worst case but probably not much will happen.

Being 'seen' as a dick? Chances are the guys i will be fighting will never see me again in their life, and if they do so what, the more i don't care the better.

Oh maybe a really important point i forgot to mention! I won't be beating up random guys that don't want/can fight. I will be pushing them over or trip them, and if they get aggressive, then the fights starts. If they act like a pussy, i let them run. I won't beat up some nerd if he doesn't want to fight. If you want the fight, you get it, sounds much more fair eh?

What you said about 'realising people arent out to hurt you' is a bit of nonsense i think. Most people on this planet are egoistic selfish people, that will exploit any weakness they see, especially in the place i live. When people see a glimpse of insecurity, they try to make profit of you or beat you down to your knees (mentally or physically). To make my point clearer i want to show you the following inspirational video:




[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1tXhJniSEc[/youtube]

Yeah fight club has some rules, on the street there are no rules. Taking this risk of serious injury without rules will even give me more confidence, i think all AMOGing and 'stealing sets' , picking up girls with a boyfriend etc have a big chance of escalating into a fight. I have to master this skill, this is an important skill for a PUA i think. Especially if you live in an area with arrogant minded agressive immature bullies. Over here PEOPLE ARE OUT TO HURT YOU, especially when on cocaine/ speed and alcohol in nightlife. Trust me the place i live is full of retarded drugged up rednecks.

Go upto every girl i see? Sure i'm also planning to do that, but this is the point actually. Unconscious you are afraid as a guy that she might have a man or boyfriend which will come to smash you head in with a big stone if you're hitting on her. That's why i'm going to gain on street fighting confidence. It will take away the approach anxiety based on fearing she has a 'potential enraged lover'


Trust me guys, im not stupid. I'm sure i am gonna have fun with this. Just need a lil balls to get the first fight started, and the ball will roll...

If someone pulls a knife, im gonna run away or throw a stone at his head im not stupid. If i see someone call the cops im gonna run away.

There is a chance i meet up an experienced jiu jitsu guy or wrestler, and im gonna end up choked out or with a broken leg or arm. Or i may meet a thug who will stab me. Whatever, i don't give a fuck. I want to take the risk, rather than staying unexperienced and ended up with a broken face in some bar fight while trying to steal a guy's girl. Although it scares me also. Feel the fear and do it anyways!
I'm doing this muay thai for only 4 months, i'm still a beginner. If i fight a guy 10kg bigger than me it's still a fair fight. I also might have bad luck and encounter a PRO muay thai fighter, which will whoop my ass. I also might encounter a wrestler, which will take me down to the ground and also fuck me up.There's Always the chance of getting fucked up.

You might be Mystery of Style or Ross Jeffries or Tyler Durden from RSD, how good you at pickup, if you pickup a hot chick whos the girlfriend of some pro kickboxer/mma fighter or notorious mobster believe me, you PUA skills won't help shit, you will get beaten to your knees and knocked you teeth out and end up with some broken and fractured limbs.

Remember PUA is not a martial art guys, there are always guys out there who wont listen to your 'AMOG talk' and will simply say 'Hey dude know what, im gonna fuck your mother' and starts smashing your face with a beer bottle until there's a lake of blood on the ground. Not everyone listens to your 'social alpha amoging talk'

To make a long story short, i think if you know that you are the most badass fighter in the club, or at least are confident that you are, social anxiety will be significantly lower.

Don't forget aggressive behaviour is still the basic caveman instinct we have in us, talking is secondary, more like a learned thing.

_________________
The king or the devil?
Fuck knows... Maybe both =))

to treaty: yeah I dont have any "major" issues, like i am a pretty confident guy, but i want to become even better to the point that i am the man i want to be.

I think ive generally overcome any major beliefs about myself, i know who i am and know that im "high value" and have learned the skill of getting in state, all mainly from blueprint, now im going to focus on developing specific behaviours I want.

as for field reports, i have thread their too.

ive suddenly got the urge to educate or perhaps reeducate myself as to the philosphy of life. Im 17, got a few months till im 18. pretty good time to start deciding how i really want to live life, anyone got any good sources like books/videos for this?

egocentricfear: when you say main fear in going up to a girl is jus incase thiers a guy, fair point. I think doing your actions would help you have less fear, but it just seems so extreme. whilst i do think its vital you know you can protect yourself and your family (hence why i do boxing) this seems ott. hey saying that the most "alpha" guy i know is gypsy lot that go boxing, this guy is fucking good at boxing and gets into regular scraps at gypsy camp, ive seen him many times see a guy and girl, and just straight up walk up and insult the guy. once he went upto a group in the park 3 guys, 3 guys, and just started insulting all the guys. Its like, cos the guys knew on some level he didnt care and truly wasnt scared, they didnt fuck with him.

that being said, just be careful man.

let us know how it goes bro

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Ok, so i have recognised i seem to believe that it is a low value thing to do, to be out alone and approaching hot girls.

in order to completely destroy this limiting belief, im going to think of 5 very true reasons or more why its absolute rubbish, and then back them up with times that is has been proven from my own field experience

5 or more reasons why approaching hot girls when out alone is a high value thing:

- Being out alone shows you dont need your friends for a social crutch, you can go out and be fun and happy all by yourself.

- When you see a hot girl, whereas most would simply go oh shes hot i wish i could have her, you go for what you want and know theres no reason why you shouldnt have it

-by going upto and talking to her, your showing just how unintimidated you are from her, and how your value is equal to hers not below

- girls do not dress up and look nice. by approaching her your showing her you understand societys biggest secret. girls like sex thus want to be approached.

ok so its only 4, but this is more than enough to dispell my limiting belief. from here i will journal times the field has shown me this and go out tomorow to approach

update soon!

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Ok, this post wanna note down about positive thought patterns.

Obviously negative thought patterns exist, and they make us feel pretty shit and out of state, but what about the stuff which does the opposite

AFC daniel is what got me thinking about this in an earlier post, but what are positive thought patterns?
In my opinion, they must be affirmations, just thinking them all throughout the day.
From now on im gunna try and think positive things about myself, all through the day, and stop whenever i think negative.

Anyway, just got in. Sadly, unusually looking at how last few days have gone, I didnt approach. I think at this point im on the borderline of pushing past all AA, I just gotta keep going, so, as egocentricfear said, im dosing myself with a large steady shot of
"MAN THE FUCK UP"

I need to go back over what i was saying about while being out alone looking for girls is a high value thing, and approach as much as possible. the wierd thing is, i find it easier to approach when a girl is really really attractive, i guess cos theres more to win. but when the girls like a 7 or 8, its so much harder. but fuck it.

Also, i wanna try and be completely unintimidated/unreactive to people and just live life as i want to.

1.keep up positive thought patterns
2. MAN THE FUCK UP AND APPROACH EVERY MEDIOCRE TO HOT GIRL I SEE
3.Work on being unreactive

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

hey, didnt go out today as had results day, going pub later though so should be some good HB's there.

anyway, was thinking about this earlier, about how surely the most important thing in "inner game" is aligning with your core values?
How can you be embarrassed or sad or upset in life, if your just living according to who you are?

I know my 2 main core values are living life to the fullest and experiencing all there is to do, aswell as building connections and helping others out. So, if i just try and live everyday along with these, I cant go wrong.

Thoughts?

I definitely think this is the next level of inner game for me, and im writing this as a reminder to think this stuff through:

-My core values
-How I can live in alignment with these in the far future
-How I can live in alignment with these in the nearer future
-How I can live in alignment with these day to day

also how this affects my other inner game, would I need to remind myself that im confident fun guy if i was living according to my core values? or would i need to just ensure i didnt slip into negative thought patterns?

just gotta be careful i aint looking for the "magic pill" update soon

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Core values

my 3 core values are:

- Living life to the fullest, having lots of adventure and experiencing as much as I can
- Building connections and helping people out-giving value
- Protecting and providing for family + friends

What will my far future look like if I align myself with these:

- lots of travelling, meeting new people and having a busy social life. Aswell as this, some physical adventure and work which will be challenging to me. Deep meaningful experiences

- Helping people out not only with problems but with goals they may have, so helping guys out with women, fitness, or anything else I excel in and can lend a hand. giving up time if possible to help others.

- Always making sure im there for my family and friends, put myself out to protect/help family. similarly enjoying thier success. having strong relationships. lots of family contact.

What will my near future look like:

- Carrying on with boxing, screenwriting, never passing up an opportunity to try something new. trying out different things, meeting new people regularly, wherever i am, carrying on with pua, going out with friends as much as possible

- talking to people as regularly as possible, taking a genuine interest in them, and helping where I can

- same as above

What day to day will look like:

- Each day, waking up and thinking, how can i get the best out of today. ensuring im using each day to carry on with things im doing - screenwriting, pua, boxing, and also always being ready to go out and experience something new, meet up with friends, generally living. trying to be as positive and energized as possible

- talking to people each day and taking an interest

- talking to family each day and taking an interest


How will this affect my current inner game:

Hopefully, this will give me much more clarity on how to act. hopefully it will give me drive and passion for things im doing in life day to day, and make me more self confident and comfortable with myself, knowing who i truly am.

update soon

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Right, went out last night, just with a few mates. It was last night I realized something.

IVE BEEN A FOOL!

All this time ive been thinking ive been making progress, and I have, a little, but i still have not yet taken the plunge and gone for it. there were countless sets I coulda approached, and wanted to, but didnt. why, because I have not yet gone for it. Ive still come a long way, I can approach on my own, but only if the set has almost nobody else around them, and there are absolutely no complications. and even sometimes then I don't do it.

But fuck it, im glad I realized this. from here i can really focus on this, approaching almost EVERY set I see, and certainly every set i can.

the best way I can describe this is, someone (my desire for women) has said to me, hey, theres a mountain there, howa bout we climb it, at the top theres a nice warm log cabin full of riches, however, gotta warn you, the climb may be risky at times and will take alot of effort.

Its like I know I MUST take the climb, but ive not yet properly committed so instead of diving straight in im wandering around in the foothills looking for the non-existent easy way up.

The irony of it, is that im not afraid of rejection. I was out with 2 mates yday, and one was like, hey i dare you to ask them 2 girls coming to go watch movie with us.
And I did, and we got rejected (dont talk to them, theyre like 12, lol) but it didnt bother me, i just laughed it off and actually enjoyed it.

But the wierd thing is, whenever I think about seriously approaching when with mates, i cant, its like "oh if they think im serious and i get rejected, the joke is gone"

well, not anymore, this is turning point, ive finally realized where ive been going wrong, time to commit fully.

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

haha oh dear, well wrote about last night in field reports, blown out by every single set, think the only set i wasnt blown out that day was one i opened during day

now im dealing with fallout in terms of inner game, but you know what fuck it. I was feeling shit about last night, but just gotta realise, so what, im learning how to cold approach and fuck girls, of course some nights im gunna get blown out, ive learnt alot anyway, so bring on the next sets!

ive learnt i can definitely deal with rejection and losing all social value now. From here, everytime i go out, im not gunna focus on social value etc, but instead on just having fun approaching and learning pick up. Im only gunna be at this stage of alotta blowouts/go nowhere sets, might aswell enjoy it.

As for my general inner game, i can narrow it down to 2 things, knowing my core values, and simply imagining what the me who had no fear would do, and going out and doing it. I aim to ask myself this question at least ten times throughout the day

update soon

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees