Hey guys,

I am currently facing a problem I need some help with. First off, my situation: I am 25 years old, and I got out of my first LTR three weeks ago. It lasted for "only" one year, but it was pretty intense (for example, we spent 6 months traveling around being together 24/7). I am only mentionining this so you understand my context, although I am not sure that this is the cause of my problems.

Anyway, the problem. I got out of my relationship because I felt like there must be more to life. I just wasn't ready to commit, I guess, and I felt I better cut it off sooner than later. It was quite a painful process, but now I am back in the game again. Problem is... My motivation. For the first time in life, it is completely gone. And by now, I don't even think it has anything to do with my relationship no more. It's just that... Two years ago, I was at my personal best. I had money, my game was quite tight and I was at the peak of my physical fitness. And guys, I was MOTIVATED. The game would be my life. I would be head over heels over going out again and again to meet all those beautiful girls, and it would fill me with those feelings of love and vitality that I guess were hard to ignore and expanded my game even more (also, there were a lot of crashes when I failed. Comes to show how commited I was). Anyway, it is all gone now. Like, yeah, formally seen I WANT to get back into the game... It was great, and I was living life at its fullest... But somehow, the edge is just gone. In some way, I feel like I think "been there, done that", but I don't think this is all that contributes to it.

I need your help. For the first time in life, I am entirely lost and don't know how to get out of this rut. For the record, I don't only have those feelings for the game, but for other aspects of life as well. I feel like my "bucket list" of things I always wanted to achieve in life has been completed and there is nothing left that fills me with passion any longer. I mean, I have traveled. I have worked hard. I have loved. I have played sports. I have helped others. Everything in life seems like some kind of B-Class continuation to a movie that, goddamit, was good, but should be left to rest in peace (kind of like the continuations of the Matrix, if you want an analogy). Any input, ideally from more experienced or older members, would be greatly appreciated. Has any of you guys gone through this before? Was it something temporary for you? Or how did you get out of it? Is this what getting old feels like? Have I lived too fast? I really feel like I need to find some intrinsic motivation to get back into... Well, life, but seeing how this is a PUA forum, let's limit it to the game.

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You're just lost. You need to take a breather and find your life's purpose. You have to also remember what your life purpose was, the thing that made you happy and it was...the game. Remember the feeling that you had when you had those small accomplishments, then the big ones. A lot of individuals think that getting numbers and fucking females is what the game is all about. That's what their only goal is usually and I disagree. It's a HUGE part of the game and the main goal, BUT I feel like the game is about going on an adventure, talking to new females and having conversations, getting to know them and flirt it up...boosting your ego and knowing that you can literally talk to any female. It's multi-dimensional.

It might sound stupid and it might sound like what about numbers and what about kissing / fucking and all the things that everyone aims for?

Just remember you can't miss if you don't aim. Huge statement, I know.

I've recently before been feeling lost and it's not that I'm not having success with women, it's not the fact that I'm off my game, it's just the simple fact that I forgot what makes me happy and it is the little accomplishments within this game. Not the broader picture, the what ifs, or the fuckings.

Maybe individuals will think I'm naive and that I just can't pull females, but that's not it at all. Forget about the game for a minute, forget about your relationship that ended, and stop and think about what makes you happy? What made you happy?

By the sounds of it the Pick Up Artist lifestyle is what drove you in life and made you happy then you got locked down by some long term bullshit and it threw you off your game and now after it you're completely depressed and reading your story made me depressed for a minute until I realized what the cause was...the hunt, the challenge, the conversations with countless beautiful women that you COULD BE HAVING which YES, IN TURN leads to sex with countless beautiful women that you COULD BE HAVING. So you're bored of playing the game and meeting all these women from different walks of life and getting with anyone you want at any time? So you're bored of sarging and just going out and having a good time? You're bored of going out and boosting your own ego at the success that you COULD BE HAVING getting numbers, getting make outs or laid??

It's about the hunt, the sarging, the flirtations and the knowing that you are THE PLAYER and that you are THE MAN. It's about feeling comfortable and confident in your abilities not just as a man, but as a person and honing your craft day in and day out while having a blast doing it.

Life is what you make it...AND you make it about the focus on yourself, it's not about the women, it's about the game, it's about you going out there and having fun. Your relationship made you weak and I'm not saying all relationships are bad or pointless, but in this case it obviously was a WAKE-UP CALL that you've been asleep and the life of the game that makes you happy has been CALLING FOR A WHOLE YEAR.

I hope this has been an eye-opener...in the end the MAIN GOAL is getting numbers and getting sex, but ANOTHER GOAL is going out on adventure, talking with all sorts of women, flirting and just having a good time with no pressured expectations that way the MAIN GOAL can come to you and if it doesn't oh well and if you have any questions or want help on getting started with this new journey, this new life and back into the game feel free to PM ME, in fact I encourage you to PM ME for any further advice on your current situation. Good luck! Hope to hear from you.

NOTE : Also anyone and I mean anyone who reads this and thinks they gained the slightest insight from it I encourage you to PM ME also for any advice in your current situation, I am here to help and I am glad to help you with my knowledge.

Do you have a job? (you mention you traveled for 6 months... That's tough to do with a job).

Did you go to school?

Do you volunteer?

Have you thought about what you want in 10 yrs? Where do you want to be?


So - I'm not trying to sound like a guidance counselor... I am - as you requested - an "older member" (mid/late 30s) who has been around. I have been where you are - to a point... in that I've been doing this for many years, but I've also gotten many relationships out of it. Whenever I'm in one, the pickup goes south... And then when it ends, I have to re-discover it.

I normally re-evaluate where I am, as well. Am I where I want to be in life? Being single allows you to focus on yourself and become whatever you want to be.

I only wish I started as early as you did.

At 25, if you are not working where you want to work, or at least working TOWARDS the profession you want, then you should probably be looking into at least starting that (unless you were just born silver-spoon wealthy). The next natural step in life is that.

Look at where you want to be - where you want to live and what you want to be doing - and start setting short-term and long-term goals.

If you've literally accomplished everything there is to do by 25, then hat's off to you, sir. That's pretty unbelievable, however. I would suggest that you don't know what you don't know. There's probably shit out there you love and you have no idea you love it.

No, I was definetly not born silver-spoon wealthy. Actually, I grew up in quite the underprivileged position. And that might have contributed to me losing my edge. I always used to be fueled by this "I will show everyone I can make it" attitude. So now... Well, I might not be the best, but now that I have kind of proven myself, I find it rather hard to motivate myself.

But you know, you have a point. I came home from traveling one month ago, and ever since then I have only been lingering around, waiting (I am beginning a postgraduate program in September). That might be contributing to my lack of drive more than I am realizing. I really am looking forward to give it all, become part of something bigger than me and to actively do something to expand my life again.

I love people. People make me happy. That is what drove me to look into PUA, and why I chose the career I spent the past three years working in (purchasing. Esentially, I would spend all day on the phone, negotiating prices and conditions of deals with reps of other companies. And man, it gave me the KICK).

I want to live somewhere with palm trees. I want to be surrounded by people full of good energy and positivity. I want to be my own boss, ideally before I hit the big 30. Actually, that is something that WOULD fulfill me. If I had my own company, I would put my soul and life into making it grow. Both for the money and the freedom it would represent for me. But it still is out of reach for me, at least right now. The plan is to do the postgrad program I mentioned before as an "insurance", get a job for a few years, save up and do... Whatever. I am sure I will figure something out. Actually, just writing about this is already cheering me up a bit.

Yeah. In the end, maybe THAT is where I should be getting my energies from. Remebering the future I want. Selling it to myself. And actively working on it. I guess an "I will show them all" attitude can only get you so far before it deflates on itself. I will do some heavy thinking about this in the coming days. Thank you for your input, it's been really helpful!

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I agree. It might be about results, especially at first, but that you soon outgrow this mindset and learn to appreciate the game for what it is... A game. Sure, it is important to win in a game, but the fun you had while playing it is also a huge part of the equation. The game has always been important to me.

Then again, I would not say it is (or for that matter, should be) the main source of happiness or drive in life. I find it to be... A little bit like exercise. Don't do it and you will be missing out on an important part of life. Do it and you will have a much more enjoyable life. I would not say I have been sitting around for one year wanting it to come back for me. Otherwise, I would never have got into a relationship in the first place. But yeah, I definetly am out of shape and wanting to get back into it. And you are right, it is important to remeber why I started it in the first place. For the fun of it. Thank you for your advice.

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Sounds like you're bored with life. As if everything you did was a goal or interest and not necessarily your passion. A passion is that one thing that burn you inside and usually last for a lifetime because is simply part of your essence.
I wouldn't say you're growing old but growing up and that implies change. Painful experiences (like a breakup) can be particularly good to help us grow up and maybe it is what happened to you. In that case it is understandable if what made you happy in the past doesn't work for you anymore and lose its meaning.

I won't advice you to pursue the same old interests if they don't satisfy you. Instead I would advice you to do some soul searching and figure out your passion(s) and your purpose in life. Go on new adventures if you need to, break the routines even the small ones or if you're a person without routines then establish some. The point is live differently so you feel alive or at least better until you find your motivation again. Hope it gets better for you.