for about 1,5 year ago, my game was at its best, i felt like i could accomplish anything and was ready to take on anything!
I have worked on my self for a long time, and i saw a lot of videos read a lot of articles and went out a lot... I thought i learned the difference between having a big ego and getting true deep confidence, i tried to make sure i got the last one, but now i am not sure..

I met this girl who i felt completely in love with, and as always when people are in love, they get insecure. So did i, but i managed to get the girl anyway. This is a year ago so i might not have the details complete straight... But at first when i had her, i was still secure, and i could turn her on so easily, i stilled believed in myself.. Suddenly i lost it, this came around a time where she accidentally hurt me, after around 2 month into the relationship.. i never got it back, not the same way... And now we are about to break-up, i get sad when she doesn't text me and all that...

I don't know why i lost it, and i want it back, i miss myself, i miss being able to do anything, i miss felling like i can take on the world...

Now i have some reasons, which i think might have done that i lost it..

a) When i got together with her, i stopped completely talking to girls (i wanted to stay faithful of cause), so i did not get a ton of verification from girls whom i hooked up with. there for my confidence had to get lowered.
or
b) i stopped being as social as i was use to be, and that might somehow have resulted in my confidence got lowered, because i was always center of attention (more or less) and being social might have influenced my confidence??
or
c) As a result of her being hurtful, my confidence got lowered, and i never managed to get it back to normal?
or
d) this is just something that happens when people are in love?

please give me your opinion on this!

We have talked about taking a break for 1,5 month, but where we are still together and stays faithful at all times

_________________
My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

Been in this exact position, been a month since I was in a relationship, which had lasted for 16 months.

a) You are putting her on a pedestal, you should be talking to girls still just shouldn't be going further than friends and I think you know that you can control yourself, plus if your girlfriend knows you talk to other girls she should subconciously know that she is possibly expendable thus making her want you.

b) When I got my social freedom back after being a soppy b*****d for a few weeks I came to notice that my old self was returning, I was getting involved with group conversations, smiling and enjoying other peoples company again. I let my ex walk all over me because I forgot the fundamental basics of Pick Up.

c) Hard to understand that, but I guess you could say that if you were gaming other girls or you had a decent social circle this wouldnt matter at all

d) I agree love does blind us, its amazing when you have someone there to give and take affection.

I get the vibe that you are quite young? if so don't worry, if you did split up with her there is plenty of other girls out there.


I made the mistake of being seriously insecure with my ex, when she wanted to break up I talked her round to try again, the months of unhappiness that it lead to wasn't worth it.

One thing I will say is if she is the one suggesting the break then dont bother, you are letting her control things, you need to take control and pull her into your frame. 1 and half months away from her? what if at the end she says she doesnt want you back? my personal advice would be just to break up with her and try to get back some level of social life.

If you break up with her make sure you freeze her out, eventually she will come crawling back. In terms of her contacting you, don't reply to texts straight away, leave it maybe a day or a good few hours to make it seem like you have been busy and with phone calls don't answer it on the first call, remember you are busy.


My Pick Up is quite rusty at the moment, and this is my first bit of advice on this forum. So might be an idea to take into consideration other posts from more experienced members.

_________________
Peace,
Leo

Keeping signatures original since: Wed Oct 09, 2013

B.

I was in the same position. Started out great, really liked her and I was always out. Her friends ended up liking me more than they liked her and she got upset, stopped wanting to go out so I stopped going out too. Eventually things got boring, I started losing my confidence but I wasn't insecure, just stopped caring. Sometimes she would say shit like "A guy asked me out for coffee. I ran away." I just didn't care. I knew I was a great guy and she was in love with me and never would cheat so I just didn't care, wasn't sarcastic or an ass to her when it happened, just indifferent.

After it ended I didn't have much get up and go and fell back into the background, started talking to my friends again, going out and got back into PUA. Got my confidence back, talked to women, lots of kino, got further than I did before in PU.

What you need to do is just bite the bullet, start talking to old friends and go out with them. Force yourself to be talkative and be the fun guy everyone loved before, the guy who could carry a conversation for an hour and still keep interest high. That's all you need to do. Stop caring what others think, go out more and approach for the hell of it.

Thank you both very much! I was planning on going some more out, in this break, and i believe i have found the key to get back on track... I hope i can do this with my girlfriend, because i really don't wont to loose this girl, in every way she is actually the girl i hope on getting old with...

yes i am pretty young, 19 years old...

The break was actually as a plan she came up with her mother, cause neither of us wanted to stop, but we both know this can't go on since i am unhappy! But actually i feel like i am i control when it comes to this break.. i feel like i could tell her that it is not necessary, and we would just continue on being together. We have also talked about break-up, and when we do she always tells me that if we do, i need to contact her in 1-2 years, so we can end up together... so as far as that is concerned, i feel like she might even want to be with me in the long run, more than the other way around

_________________
My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

The only reason stopping pickup would make you lose confidence is because you were only changing your behavior. You only had situational confidence based on external validation. Your confidence was directly dependent on your immediate results.
Underneath it all, you still had a lot of insecurities and codependency that you had not entirely worked out, so your true colors came out once you removed the validation of pickup and put yourself in a relationship. This is a false assumption, only people that struggle with insecurities and scarcity mindedness get insecure. As far as my experience goes -- when I fell completely in love with my girlfriend I didn't feel insecure at all. In fact I felt more secure. Same goes for my girlfriend. Neither one of us struggle with codependency.

It's a common experience in pickup when a man learns techniques and lines that give him the illusion of confidence. But it's fleeting and weak. It's like the man that built is house on sand --it easily crumbles under stress.
What you needed to have done, or possibly still need to, is to work on your emotional boundary control, which will prevent external sources from gaining too much influence over you. You need a stable source of self-validation and true confidence. This means you won't <i>need</i> validation from women to feel happy. You will love yourself just the same regardless of whether or not you have a girlfriend or not.
Shedding yourself of emotional codependency is the real game winner. Becoming internally validated makes anything pickup related almost entirely irrelevant. You can graduate from the community and move on.

I have been in a relationship for about 2 years now and I did not lose my "game". I'm constantly growing, gaining confidence, gaining a better understanding of myself and improving my life. So if anything my game is better now than before. Now I might have lost some social momentum, but that's very easy to get back.

You have a pretty good point there.. I tried however back when i was out sarging, to gaing real deep inner confidence, and at some point i thought i had it... i guess not..

So how do you gain it?? cause i sure have no clue.. and is it possible to do, while maintaining my realationship?

_________________
My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

It sounds like you had it going on. A woman came along, you lost sight of your mission, and got needy. You got the girl but, your loss of mission hurt you. With or without the girl, you need to stay on your course. For example, I got into a trade, an apprenticeship, and trade school. Eventually, I want my own business. A date, snl, ons, day two or pull doesn't change this. A gf is nice but, the only constant variable in my life is me. You were on crash course. With game, over time, you can auto correct yourself. I am not there yet. When you get like Lil Wayne, Dre or the anyone high on their own supply, they lose sight of what's real. Auto correct is far gone. They can keep slipping and nobody says anything until it's too late. The same with your ex gf. This is what self actualization encompasses.