| Rejection seems to be a big issue for guys.
“How do I not get rejected?”
“Why did she reject me?”
“What do I say to this girl” (…because I don’t want to get rejected)
“How do I approach girls” (it’s easy to approach, just go say hi, but he doesn’t want to risk rejection)
“How do I get this one girl” (because I’m too scared to go get a different girl and risk rejection in the process)
But asking how do I avoid rejection is the WRONG QUESTION
If you think “How do I NOT get rejected”, you will have zero success. Because the answer to how to not get rejected at all is simple – Don’t do anything at all, don’t take any risk.
Not doing anything at all will result in zero positive results as well. But taking zero action is the only way to guarantee you don’t take any risk of rejection.
Most guys take “rejection” from girls way to seriously. It’s actually not really even rejection.
And it’s not even a big deal if we look at what is actually going on in the girl’s mind.
So many girls are shy and insecure about themselves. They are nervous and scared about meeting new guys. They are primarily concerned about not being used or played. And they assume that most guys who randomly approach them have an agenda, just want to get laid, or are players.
So when you approach a girl at a bar or club, or anywhere really, you will inevitably have the deck stacked against you.
She may be nervous so she often won’t be very easy to talk to and won’t be able to carry a conversation very well.
She will assume you just want sex. You may be a little nervous also so this doesn’t help the conversation either.
If you aren’t smooth enough, she won’t like you since you have no game.
If you are too smooth, she will think you are a player.
Not funny enough, and that isn’t good. Too funny and you are more of a clown that she can’t really see herself being with since she can’t take you seriously or relate to you.
If you try not to show any interest in her and just make small talk, you could end up in the friend zone.
If you show too much interest too soon, you will scare her off.
Girls often get approached so much that they blow off guys on habit. Unless you do something different than the last 100 guys who did the same exact same thing, she will blow you off also, on autopilot.
Remember, the girl isn’t attracted by looks necessarily. She will usually want to get to know a guy’s personality first before she can be attracted. So even if you are good looking, she isn’t necessary even looking at your appearance, she is thinking about how she feels about the interaction. Does she feel comfortable? You being good looking can make her feel even more nervous.
Now let’s assume you are a really on your game, you have a good interaction and you get her number. Now when you try to text or call her the next day, she doesn’t respond!
Well, she might won’t respond because she met a lot of guys that night and doesn’t really remember who you are. Saying “hi, I’m the guy you met last night” may only narrow it down to 5 guys. Or she was drunk and feels weird about giving out her number like that to strangers, or she doesn’t really remember you because she was drunk. Or she remembers you, but after all, you are the bar guy, and all bar guys just want sex, so nope - you don’t get a call back.
Can you see how “rejection” really isn’t the proper way to think about this? Why would you feel bad about yourself over this?
Instead of thinking you got rejected, what more likely happened is that you failed to make her feel comfortable right away, or failed catch her interest fast enough, or failed to navigate any number of other misc obstacles that would be challenging for anyone. Guys often don’t realize the often HUGE MISTAKES they made in their attempt with the girl, and instead take the blow off personally.
So guys, stop taking rejection personally. Go out and do something cool with your life so that you have a basis for real self esteem. If you secretly think you are a loser, then any rejection at all will just feed into that negative self-belief you have, and it will spiral into a mental block, where all you can see is “rejection”. Additionally, if you approach a girl with the fear of rejection, or expecting rejection, that’s what’s going to happen. Having that defeatist attitude will cause you to make a lot of mistakes and the result is a self fulfilling prophecy.
If you truly see your own worth and value, you will quickly see that “rejection” is meaningless. And you will just go try a few more times, learn and improve your approach, and end up landing that dream girl.
You should not feel rejected by a girl any more than you would feel rejected by the front door of your house when you accidentally try to use the wrong key to open it.
You simply made a mistake, take the negative response as the feedback that it is. The feedback is just there to tell you what you should do differently. Change your approach, fix your mistakes, and then start having success.
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