When I was something like 7 years old, I thought everyone liked my brother rather than me. I didn't know exactly why. People( family and friends ) would just approve him but not me. So, I clearly remember one day, at my aunts living room, she asked my brother: " Why do you think people like you so much? Whats your secret for it? " My brother answered: " I just act in a way that I think people will like me", " But don't you think its better just to be yourself? " asked my aunt. " No, I just like to be in a way that people like me". That scene stuck out in my head. It unconsciously affected my personality for several years. Can't even say its affected my personality, cause I actually feel like I didn't have a solid one throughout this hole time ( Im 19 ). The truth is that actually my brother is just some kind of opened person , he enjoys talking to everyone, he was always more sociable than me.

So yea… unconsciously, I tried to "act in a way that people would like me" for several years. That obviously didn't work and I considered myself an unhappy person. But 4 months ago things started changing. I had been introduced to PUA community for almost an year but hadn't seen significant improvements in my confidence. I would just try to fake body language the hole time. That shit was so boring, it would never work!!! I seemed like a complete idiot trying to look confident so that I could get girls uuhhhh.

So one day Im at the library of my college and I had to take some long walk to certain classroom. But that time I thought like… " You know what? This walk I'm going to give a fuck about body language, I will just look at peoples eyes IF I WANT, i will look to the ground, fuck off wide steps and fuck off what people will think about me. Shit worked. I felt so different for the rest of the day. For the first time in my life, I start to feel myself. I start to enjoy myself just for nothing… just for being me. So that thought in the library lead me to these certain tips I'm going to give you guys:

- The most important thing in life is how good you feel with yourself. ( Maybe not the most important thing in life, but thats what I would say anyway)

- To be confident, you gotta be feeling good with yourself. If you have worries about your appearance, your personality, its going to be hard to be confident. ELIMINATE WORRIES ! ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE AND LET YOURSELF FEEL FUCKING GOOD!

- Don't focus on being confident. Focus on being the most natural version of yourself. That will give you such a good relaxing feeling and its much easier to be confident.

- Find your true personality and accept it. Just let it go! I've found myself a really quiet person and not really interested in talking . Thats not the best type of personality for becoming a PUA, but I accepted it and I've been learning how to deal with approaching girls anyway. Actually I havent been talking to many girls due to that. Bu you know what? I dont even care. I feel good even without girls. I just walk at the beach by myself and I enjoy it. I want to have a girlfriend too but even if takes time to happen... well... fine... i like my life now anyway,

(I consider myself kind of a weird guy. But thats fine, can't change much of that. At least now I think that people are perceiving me as weird guy that likes and feels good with himself for most of the time.)

-Stop fapping. I've been 12 days without having an orgasm and i feel so much energy in my body. That energy is used for my confidence and making me need less 4 hours of sleep than I used to need before i stopped fapping. Check out yourbrainonporn website for more information about no fapping benefits ( this shit is more powerful than you think).

- Stop watching porn for the rest of your life. I made a really specific post on that on " Social anxiety & shyness " section about how pornography causes erectile disfunction.

There are way too many people around who feel way too good about themselves. You have to constantly work, constantly pressure yourself to reach new limits. Constantly force a solid discipline upon yourself. There can be no quarter, no rest for the wicked, only sweat and tears and trouble, until the perfection is attained, which is solely by piling effort upon effort.

We live in a world that has settled for mediocrity. And all that "shit, I don't care, I just feel good about myself" mentality. People who feel good about themselves and have nothing better to do than to fight with their neighbours because of a tree's roots growing beneath their garden, or twigs that are coming over the fence. Narcissim, that's what we are talking about. Being too lenient on themselves and not putting up with any shortcomings of the other.

What we need is a new Donatello, a Michelangelo, who will get up at 06.00, work the whole day to create a work of art, and then, in the deep of night, still tear it apart and start over because it is just not good enough.

Nice point of view. I understand thatfeeling good about yourself is not the only thing important in life. I made this post more for those people who feel just like me sometime ago. I didn't really like myself. Always thought I was weird, ugly, and incapable of being an attractive person. And I know that there are some people out there with similar thoughts... that's why I told my story and I think this hole idea of accepting yourself is really helpful. This is also a critic about that kind of opposite idea of faking body language ("until you make it") and practicing stuff like conversation until you get good at it. Well, maybe I'm wrong, maybe practicing conversation and body language can lead to different natural behaviors but I don't like this idea. Im not good at conversations but I dont think this is a problem at all. If i want to approach some girl im gonna say a few things, be relaxed and thats enough.

All excellent points!

I think you're wrong a bit though. You shouldn't care. Just flat out shouldn't care but you should work Alpha posture and actions into your normal everyday self. This way you become alpha, don't look like you care and go beyond just not caring. You'll genuinely be happier and feel stronger.

The no fapping thing and no porn thing is a big YES! It's true, the less you fap the more energy you have and the happier you are. All the porn is just bad, it warps the mind, perverts us and gives us unrealistic expectations(SHB10s perfect snatches in threesomes knowing exactly what to do??? Don't think so!!).

Otherwise you're spot on! You can only get so far emulating the emotions but if you don't feel it you're never going to get past a certain point. You could have alpha posture down to a T and be so uptight and concerned about how you look that it won't matter how alpha or masculine you look, you'll still look out of place and lack confidence. On the flip side if you're not acting alpha or masculine but you're confident and happy with how you are people are going to see you as normal. If you act alpha and masculine and are confident and feel it as second nature then everyone's going to notice you and react well to you.

Mr Marville is a little closer to the truth than you are. Confidence doesn't come from knowing the rules and casting them off. Confidence comes from having something of value to offer. You need priorities in your life that are greater than seeking the approval of other people.

This is the reason athletes and weight lifters have confidence. They know that their sport will still be fun and easy for them with or without girls. They place a higher priority on that skill and are therefore GOOD AT SOMETHING.

We can also consider the introverted artist. His friends might tell him all the time, "you never go out, you won't get girls like this, come on and be social, you're a loser." When he finally does join them at a party, they're surprised to find him comfortable and chatting up the hottest girl. She loves hearing about his artwork and seeing photos. How could he be a low value person with such a valuable skill?

The same pattern follows with any real world skill, like dancing, writing, magic tricks, or skateboarding. If you're good at it, and you're doing it for the love of the skill, not to show off, and you PRACTICE, then you have deeper value and confidence than most people in America

The bottom line is always social approval versus intrinsic validation.

What people do is: they bluff. They pretend to be intellectual and start a deep conversation, then once the talk hits upon issues that are either too politically sensitive or too abstract for them they drift off and subtly try to change the topic while retaining the image of the cultivated intellectual. Other examples are "I know the owner of that trendy lounge" and more of such. When people adopt this behaviour they do it to make the others think that they are valuable. But this is a bluff that can be called - therefore it is not intrinsic validation.

For instance, even if the girl talks down upon the artist for locking himself up in his study, then he will still know the stuff he works on is important, and therefore he would retain his bearings whereas someone who only pretended to be into art to get to the girl, would not.

Hence the world needs anything but unsubstantiated confidence.

What the fuck were you doing in the library anyways?