Hi

I'm happy to say I have changed. I'm comfortable with myself now. I smile more too.

This is big because i used to hate being me. I was never really suicidal. Although i did contemplate it a lot back then. I hated myself because of my life situation and i did not like who i was/am. I felt i was dealt a crap hand in life. I played the victim. I realized i chose to play my cards poorly as well. I hated myself for that too.

I realized how pointless and self-destructive, self-hate is. I had to forgive myself for my past. "Guilt is just a bag of bricks and all you have to do is let it go." I feel freer now. I'm constantly looking up. Looking for the bright side. I think how awesome it must be to be a tree. All day just reaching into the sky trying to soak up as much sunlight as it can.

Instead of bitchin about my life and problems, i'm looking for ways to improve it. When i get stressed out in a day i take a moment and let my emotions go and i try to take action to deal with the problem. Despite all this "goodness" i'm injecting into my life i'm still not great. I'm still lazy, still overweight, still lonely. But now i just accept it and try to deal with it instead of letting it bother me.

I still have aa. It's not terrible though. It used to destroy my inner confidence and night when i couldn't approach a single girl. Now it just annoys me a bit because i feel i lost an opportunity, but i still have a good night.

Just last night i went out to bars alone. i didn't approach a single girl. I talked to alot of people including the bartender and i just had a good time.

I'm definitely no pick up artist. lol I've never been laid yet. But i do feel a sense of ease coming through me when interacting with girls now. Girls will test you and i enjoy finding out what kind of person i am through them. I'm still nervous and i do some dumb things, but i don't sweat it. I'll get there.

let me thank all those involved in this website and this site itself. It exposed me to alot of new information. The thing i owe the most to this site is that it made me go out there and actually try. Which makes all the difference in the world.

Maybe I'll stick around more now that i got myself a bit more centered.

Good. You are now at ground zero and you are content with it.

Now make yourself want more and you will always be content with what you have and always be "happy"