Saw this interesting article about what a few scientists are calling "The Winner Effect"
http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/ ... er-effect/
Quote:
One particularly fascinating aspect of risk-taking has to do with what is known as “the winner effect,” a self-reinforcing osmosis of the two key hormones driving the biochemistry of success and failure — testosterone, which Coates calls “the hormone of economic bubbles,” and cortisol, “the hormone of economic busts.” In traders — as in athletes, and in the rest of us mere mortals when faced with analogous circumstances — testosterone rises sharply and durably during financial booms, inducing a state of risk-seeking euphoria and providing a positive feedback loop in which success itself provides a competitive advantage
We didn't need biological proof to know this. Virtually any guy in this community who has improved himself and succeeded with women will tell you: you begin to have success with women, and the belief that you're successful with women creates more success with women.
So how do you put this into action?
No matter how we slice it, there IS a strong relationship between "inner game" and "outer game". It doesn't mean that we can't accomplish a lot by examining our beliefs and refining them into winning beliefs. But a lot of confidence is built off of actual success.
My takeaway: score a win.
And at first, any win will do. You CAN score your first win in something less about women and more about your life. Doing well at your job. Playing 2 on 2 basketball. Building something. Helping someone. It takes you out of a mindspace of "I lost it" (or "I never had it"), and puts you into a mindspace of "I can do this". If you start to feel good about where your life is heading, it affects everything, including how you interact with women.
My second takeaway is to also celebrate your wins, no matter how small.
It's so easy to focus on what you don't have, or on how far you have to go. When I see a friend whose game is off, they always take the steam out of everything they've done. I have to remind them, and sometimes they have to remind me too. You get so focused on the idea that you need to get as ripped as a pro athlete, you forget that just going back to the gym that first time is a win. And keeping up with the gym for 2 weeks is another win.
That's especially true for girls too. I came out of a breakup a few months ago, and I was frustrated when I went back out and I was having these "nice" conversations that went nowhere and seemed to get zero attraction from the opposite sex. Then I remembered to celebrate the wins. Going back out is a win. Talking to 5 girls in one night is a win. Following that up with one number next weekend is a win. It's not just about how many times you get your dick wet.
The last takeaway is that you build wins into a streak. That means you take any win you have, and join it to any win you can get.
I'm well on my way to having that level of game I had before I fell off. And I got there because I walked into every reaction with a girl thinking about the pile of girls who all wanted me. It was a self fulfilling prophecy. But I had to build to get there. The confidence that girls wanted me came from the confidence that I was interesting, which came from the confidence that my life was going good, which came from the confidence that I could accomplish what I wanted to do, which came from setting small goals and achieving them.
If you're struggling to build that confidence, start with something simple. Do it. Then celebrate it. Repeat.
You don't need a scientist to tell you that. Or me. Go out and do something.
CHAT
