Get a male oriented hobby that isn't dweeby. I recommend martial arts. Go learn how to kick some ass, or at least keep your ass from being kicked so easily.
Be sure to drink beer after class with the guys. Most of my long term friends have come from the martial arts. It never got me laid, but it did get me some good friends.
In London at 17..18 I was a loner. An American transplant. I knew nothing of PUA back in the day, I went out by sheer brute force. I was usually unsuccessful. However, I came to have a knack for "borrowing some other group's social life" for the evening. I would often insert myself into a group of people I had just met. Sometimes a group of tourist girls. Sometimes underclass blokes from somewhere I didn't live. Sometimes Irish piled into a strange room. I may not have had a life, or many friends, but I did have a sense of adventure trying to figure it all out. It was disappointing the next day when nothing would be left of it. But it reminds me that I actually have opening skills, that I used long ago, just haven't used lately.
I went to a college that worked me way too hard. Cornell U. if you're looking for one to avoid. I wasn't all that socially ept, and they piled on so much work that I had no room to grow socially. In hindsight I think I should have gone to Brown. I probably would have had more fun, and the education wouldn't have been any worse.
In Chapel Hill, NC at 23..24 I worked out a lot and hit the gym constantly. I was alone, because I was in this strange "not in college, not working, not poor" place in my life. I was handed some money after college to do what I wanted with. I taught myself 3d computer graphics rather than going to grad school, but I made the mistake of living in too nice an apartment complex. I didn't fit in, nothing cool was happening there. I refused to take any kind of class or get involved with the university, because I wasn't a student, had recently got done being a student, and was jolly well sick of it. I didn't want to make male friends because I thought it was a waste of time compared to going directly after pussy. I ended up having some anyways, but they would just be at the bar, I wouldn't get them to go from bar to bar. Or they'd sit around at their place doing drugs after hours. I wouldn't, I wasn't into that, but I had a B.A. in Anthropology and all that "adventure surfing" mentality from my London days. I didn't want female friends, I wanted pussy. I knew the concept of "you can fuck her friends" but I did not want to apply it.
I was the working definition of "fake it till you make it," and I never made it. When I would go out, I would think in terms of, "How long can I keep this facade up, before my emotional state crumbles, and I can't be here anymore?" I thought of it as "Time To Die." Got about 2 hours on the emotional clock, then it's TTD. I would not go out earlier than 9:30 pm, because I knew if I went out too early, I'd be in a miserable state before anyone had really turned out. Better to turn out when everyone else did, like 10:30 pm or so. Then at least I could get in good 2 hours before my brain warped and I had to drag myself home. Sometimes good things would happen and I'd be ok that night. About once a month I'd actually take someone decent home. Shitloads of plowing for no result, that's what you get when you're AFC and you have no knowledge. Had a major unrequited love. Doesn't mean so much to me now, but for many years it made me think I'd never meet anyone that good again. After 1.5 years of AFC plowing I gave up and stopped trying anymore. Yeah I was doing the gym, yeah I would occasionally get laid, but the sheer amount of energy and emotional grief spent on it just wasn't worth it to me anymore.
I can still think of a particular girl at a party, that I wish I knew something about kino.
So that's 7 years of "WTF?" right there. What's the moral? Well, you gotta have a hobby. That involves other people. That isn't dweeby. You gotta fit with your surroundings. Don't price yourself out of it, don't resist what everyone else is doing. If you think a place sucks hard then you need to pack up and leave. Find somewhere that doesn't suck so hard, where you fit what others are doing.
Sometimes that's easier said than done. I'm 41 and I'm still figuring that one out. The older I've gotten though, the more I've said, "Well, other people's planned activities don't live up to my standards, so I will become the event planner." Usually that means I try to start some art group. Finances and moves have kept me from really getting that rolling though. I've tried that a few times though, so the next time I believe it will happen. Practice practice practice. I don't recommend trying to organize other people and "herd cats" right out the gate though. Find something to join, that's already got a pulse.
CHAT
