In my journey from AFC to PUA 1-vt81510.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0, I realized that a strong inner game was not a option when it comes to achieve what I want. Yet, building a strong inner game takes time since you have to get rid of years of weak behaviours. How to get rid of my weak inner game and build a stronger one? That's a hard question obviously. Yet, I wanted to try to answer that question and find the pattern in my mind that is responsible for my weak inner game. The idea here is to better understand the problems in order to take actions.

Disclaimer.
This post is all about me. It's not field tested and it's certainly not perfect. I started to think about all this to give me a big picture of what happens in my mind when I have a negative thinking pattern. Yes, it is a simplification. I have no knowledge about psychology, all this is based on my observations. I'm posting that "theory" because I think it might help other AFC to understand what happens in their mind and how to take action about it. This post is for newbies who want to learn pick-up and are struggling with their inner game, like me.

The five basic emotions of an AFC.
I started to think about the emotions that make me an AFC. I came up with 5 principal emotions:
- FRUSTRATION: unsatisfaction, not getting what you want, not achieving your goals, ...
- INSECURITY: lack of confidence, being unease in social interactions, being unable to handle something...
- FEAR: being affraid of getting out of my comfort zone, being affraid of being unable of handling an issue...
- ANGER: being aggressive...
- NEEDYNESS: feeling that nobody cares for me, looking for approval, looking for attention...
These emotions/thoughts are responsible for my weak inner game and my lack of consistency. They are all linked to each other: insecurity brings needyness, fear leads to insecurity and so on... How are they linked in my mind?

Unveiling the hidden Mickey in myself.
I started to think about the relations between these emotions. Here's what I came up with: the hidden Mickey.


In this pattern, FRUSTRATION is the most important element since it is related to all the other emotions. That means that it is the hardest part to change. FRUSTRATION comes from my NEEDYNESS ("nobody cares about me") and my FEAR ("why is this happening to me?"). On the other hand, FRUSTRATION leads to ANGER ("fuck that shit") and INSECURITY ("I can't handle that").
I also realized that, on the contrary, FEAR and ANGER easier to change since it is related to only 2 emotions. FEAR ("I can't handle this alone") brings NEEDYNESS ("I need somebody") and NEEDYNESS ("I'm alone") brings FEAR ("I can't handle this alone"). In the mean time ANGER ("Fuck all that shit") brings INSECURITY ("I'm not comfortable with that") and INSECURITY ("I can't handle that") leads to ANGER ("Fuck me").

Here's an illustration of how that negative pattern works:
Of course all of that is a fiction created by my mind. Truth is, I was not happy with that relation either... but it was a comfort zone for me. This negative thinking pattern fucks me up. And every time I'm in a unease situation, my lizard brain makes me think about that and kills confidence, self-esteem... and increase my approach anxiety.

There are one main vicious circle (FRUSTRATION, NEEDYNESS, INSECURITY) and 2 smaller ones (FRUSTRATION, ANGER, INSECURITY and FRUSTRATION, FEAR, NEEDYNESS). These negative thoughts comes from all the Disney movies and romantic shit I've believed in before: treat her like a princess, you'll get her. So it was kind of ironic to see that I could create a Mickey head with these relations between the main emotions. Now that I have determined the negative pattern in myself, how to break these vicious circles and take advantage from them?

Reversing the pattern.
It is hard to change the way I have been thinking for years... but this challenge is also an advantage... if I succeed to change this negative thinking pattern, it will be hard to change it back too. I think the key element here is to change these emotions one by one.
- FRUSTRATION => SERENITY: being relaxed about what's going on.
- INSECURITY => ASSURANCE: being confident, assured.
- FEAR => UNAFRAID: being unafraid, feeling that I can handle things.
- ANGER => PEACEFUL: staying calm, avoiding to hurt people, avoiding to blame others.
- NEEDYNESS => SELF-SUFICIANT: stopping looking for approval, stopping needing someone.

Here is the reversed pattern:


I have to reprogram myself in order to have a strong inner game, to have confidence, to be alpha. How to stop that negative thinking pattern and reverse the hidden Mickey?

How to reverse the hidden Mickey.
Some of these negative feelings, like FEAR and ANGER, are easier to tackle. Yet, if I don't adress all these negative feelings at the same time, I will fail on stoping this negative thinking pattern. Indeed, if I only focus on ANGER for example, I'll still feel INSECURE because of my FRUSTRATION. What can I do to stop the negative loop and start a positive thinking pattern? I've been thinking about it and came up with some commandments I have to rely on. These statements are the basics to stop the negative thinking pattern and prevent my lizard brain to take advantage on me.

The commandments.
The purpose of the commandments is to change my mindset and thus allow me to stop and reverse the negative thinking pattern.
1- Accept everything.
Accept everything the way it is, stop trying to change the past, stop wishing the world was different, stop complaining about it.
2- Take responsibility.
You are the one responsible for what happens in your life. I must stop blaming others.
3- Be in the moment.
Stop being your my mind and just enjoy the moment: be spontaneous.
4- Be honest.
Be honest with yourself, stop lying to yourself, stop allowing your mind to make up stories that fuck you up.
5- Stop seeking approval.
Stop seeking approval, stop doing things just to be accepted by others. Stop giving approval in order to get it.
6- Stop apologizing for being a man.
Stop apologizing for what you want, stop being sorry for wanting something.
7- Do not masturbate.
Stop masturbation, it magnifies the negative thinking pattern.
8- Meditate.
Daily meditation helps getting rid of anger and frustration.
9- Work out.
Working out is a cheap and easy way to boost confidence.
10- Approach.
Approaching helps fighting fear and insecurity and gives you competence (which leads to confidence).
11 - Get a hobby.
Learn a competence, slave to a passion... It will help you get a confidence and kill you needyness.
12 - Write a journal.
Keep track of your progress in a journal.

Of course, I would like to improve this list of commandment with your help guys. If you have any ideas, feedbacks, let me know on this thread!

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On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

This is sooo legit. Most PUA miss these kinds of principles. They become so good at picking up women but the rest of their lives are messed up. Keep up the good work man. The Force is strong with you!

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"We Go Truly Hard, Styles Like Julia"-Hoodie Allen

Excellent, dude.. Fucking excellent, I might say!

I am in a similar situation. Like I said on another thread, I broke up 2 months ago with a girl that I basically lived with for four years... Yes, only 2 months ago, everything is still very clear inside my head.
And she has another boyfriend, already, a situation that can mess up your confidence as well. I decided to delete her from facebook, from messenger, from everything, basically. I don't talk to her since December and it helped me a lot. I'm trying to forget that she exists, even if it is hard to do it.

She was my comfort zone and now... I don't have it. It sucks, it still sucks, but the key is to understand that, in the end, it's good to be in this situation. Now, you are exposed to the world. Now, you have to face it. You have to be a better man. You can only rely on yourself (don't be needy is another key factor). You have to face the adversity. You have to go out there and fight.

I'm not talking only about girls. I'm talking about everything: school, job, family... When you face the adversity, you can learn to be a man, a man like DeAngelo says. Who doesn't stuck in the harsh times, but who can be like a Fenix and reborn from the ashes.

Man... Life is suffering sometimes, many times, but suffering is knowledge. And the knowledge you get by going through the sludge is what separates you from the others. You become a man, not a permanent adolescent who thinks he is a man but he's not.

It's a daily battle. An inner battle. And I can say you something which can be kinda polemic in here: women can't be an objective. Women are the consequence from you being a genuine man. They will watch you by a different perspective, if you breathe confidence, security, courage...

They are females. And, even if they say that they don't need protection, they do need. And women do not expect that feeling of protection and security from a guy that can't even take care of himself.

BUDDY! Bang the fuck on! It took me so bloody long to learn all those things properly.
The thing is that most people will just look at this and think okay got it! What's next? They will not learn it, cause when they try it, they will forget and fall into their bad habits.
Probably the best thing to do for anyone wanting to break their bad habits, is look at the list of 12, pick one of them and try really hard to learn it, then move on to the next one. Like just try learning one at a time, and trust me it takes a long time for that shit to happen, it will not over night. But if you do it, you'll get more than just girls you get an awesome lifestyle. :D
Peace out Bitches!

I do believe you can get girls even if you don't fix this negative thinking pattern. Yet, it will be the same thing again and again... jumping from a comfort zone to another, refusing to leave when you have the reasons to do so... we can't be slaves of our lizard brain. We have to tackle this issue right now and move forward.

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On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

It's like we have been in a damn zoo for years... and now we're out there... we're scared, we feel needy... but we have to move forward... we have to trust our natural instinct... fuck fear, insecurity and all. Yet I have to admit that the feeling of needyness is really strong in me.
Sure. That's what I was during my relationship: an adolescent of 23yo.
It's all about becoming a man. Being able to handle everything, not being scared anymore. Of course, since that's what women are looking for, they're coming as a result.

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On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

I do believe we not only have to understand that, but truely learn it. We have to learn each of these statements and believe in it. Maybe learning them one by one is a solution indeed.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Dood your legit!! thats what im reading in this book. all the negetive thoughts in your un concous effect what you think in your real concious, like the automatic thoughts that flow threw your brain when you see a cute girl, should i talk to her? im scared? what should i do? im learing how to reverse those thoughts into positive ones by identiying the negetive thought patterns that are in my un-concous state of mind,

now idk if you understood all of that but this thread really relates to the book im reading lol,

I've not read any book about this... That is just the result of a personal reflexion. Which book are yout talking about?

Someone suggested me The Power Now and I've started to read it. It's useful since it helps you understand that you can stop your impulsive thinking and find an inner peace. It can help me to stop that thinking pattern in me.

If you have some learnings to share with us that can help to stop that, I'm all ears!

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On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)