Quote:
You don't like yourself anymore. Somehow, that's just communicated between the lines of what you wrote. If I see it here, you can probably see it in the mirror. Things went well in the past probably because you were totally in love with yourself and it was easy to assume everyone else was too.
Fake it until you make it has never worked for me. You have to find all that crap you've been meaning to get around to and do it. Taxes, rearranging your room, donating a pile of crap to charity, little crap every one procrastinates on. Then figure out the thing you hate most about your life (that you have control over) and fix it. Your job, your body, your car. Once you've had that success, you'll remember what it was like to be a man that got shit done and you can ride that euphoria and self love straight to uh, tuna town.
I think you are right my friend. Something that has been bothering me as of late is the fact I don't have a job. I have some old cash lying around that I've been living off of for a while but I don't have that part of my life locked down. The AA comes back and makes it even harder just looking for a job, though I have attempted and handed in a few applications, but not nearly on the scale that I should be. Another thing that is bothering me is since I got into a relationship, I stopped caring about myself as much. I would eat all the time and now I'm not HUGE, but I'm big enough to know
in my own head that I'm not where I should be. I'm going to the gym now, I'm doing a bit of lifting, got dumbbells that I lift everyday now, so I'm really working towards that.
To put things in perspective, when I was in godmode, I had just gotten out of a job, and I was in
better shape than I was before (not muscular at all, just more slim). I was complimented by a couple friends and that really helped put me in the spot. I guess I was happy with myself. I
wasn't living in my head, I think in the back of my mind, it creeps up on me that if I do get into a convo with a girl, the fact I'm not working is going to make me DLV and so I just get the anxiety not to reveal too much. I feel like my life in general isn't exciting enough to talk about but the thing is, I was able to do it flawlessly when I was on my A-game. The more I think about it, it seems like a Maslow's thing.