Let me start off by saying I'm not trying to brag because to put it bluntly I hate my life right now. You could consider this "inner game," but really what I am going to write here has nothing to do with pickup.

I've never been kissed, had a girlfriend, etc. People have called me "anti-social," but I think myself to have been more asocial than antisocial. I had a pretty bad childhood, but at this point making excuses for how I got to this point isn't going to help me. I'm just trying to get to a place where I can be happy.

I don't like the direction my life is heading. I go to a top 10 US college and am doing very well academically. At this rate, I'll probably be heading to MIT to get my masters or worse yet a PhD. Today I woke up and spent a few hours in the library and have since been killing time in my room. Pretty miserable. I only talked to one person when I was in the bathroom.

When I was in high school I always told myself to just hold out until college when I could make some friends and be happier. That hasn't happened in college, and I almost started to tell myself to just hold out until I can get out of college and make some friends and be happier. But that's not the way I should have to live. I don't want to wait for the future anymore.

I have only a few friends. I don't particularly like them for the same reasons I don't particularly like myself. They talk too much about schoolwork and keep to themselves too often.

I heard the other day that people find comfort in fufilling the roles that society has created for them. I never consciously made the decision to become who I am today. I figured I might as well get good grades in school and then the next step was logically to go to college. And then I kind of missed the boat on the party scene or whatever. I tend to miss a lot of boats.

I have three semesters left before I graduate. They say that college is the best time of your life; if so I'm scared shitless for whats to come.

Well, I don't really know what I'm asking for. I guess whatever advice anyone can give. I always feel better about things in the morning, but lately that hasn't been the case.

Thanks guys.

Sorry I am in a hurry to finish an assignment for school so I am going to make this brief.

I can kind of relate to your situation and have been trying to improve my own state of well being. The thing I have noticed with myself is I too say things will change in the future for the better, but I have come to realize that the change wont happen unless you make it happen. Everyone always says to live in the present and they are 100% correct but it is way easier said then done. I think you need to think of yourself more positively and smile/laugh any moment you can because people gravitate towards this. Life is meant to be fun and its short so we must make it last.

"a journey of 1000 miles must begin with a single step"

I have seen a lot of people like you, working very hard to finish school, and not doing anything else but work work and work. Maybe, they are right. Maybe that is the only way to succeed in life. I mean: they will have lots of succes and money afterwards, they can travel the world, be important and marry a hot polish chick they bought on ebay and they can fuck her any moment, they can do pretty much anything. A plumber will have to work a repetitive job untill he is old, and the only fun he had was when he was as a child and as a naughty young man.

But sometimes i like to think that tohse hard working people miss out on those small moments of joy. When you have not lived for succes but for the moment, you will probably have some fun early in your life. Like a teenager smoked dope for the first time, that was probably very awesome. Or not working hard for school because you had to fuck a girl. Hard working people will never have that, because they were working towards something. But if you have never experienced the fun of the moment, you don't know what you're missing, so it will make you jealous.

If you live completly by the moment, you should shoot heroine directly in to your head, untill you die of happiness (if that is posible), and if you allways wanna work towards a goal, you should go to church or something like that. Both of these ways are not very happymaking (cumulative).

Is there a balance with max fun? I think there is. If you can learn very well, i think you should learn and finish college. But keep in mind that all your seeking is max fun, and thus it might be a greater learning process for you to work in a stripclub for a year than to study 1 year. Or to help people in india for 1 year will probably make you a more social person. And so on. You're smart enough to find out whats best for you, but don't allways choose the easy way, choose what you think is the most fun way. Very hard: choosing. Learn to choose for yourself.

When I wrote that post I was kind of down last night. I tend to crash on the nights and weekends and feel better when the sun is out.

I've decided that I will almost certainly take a year off after finishing college to travel. My plan is to travel all the way around the world working whatever jobs I can to pay for travel. Either that or maybe do TeachForAmerica. The problem is I am committed to be in school until May 2011, so I'd have to wait until then. I hate waiting; that's all my life been so far.

In response to the last post, I agree that everyone needs balance. I never consciously chose to be a workaholic, I just kind of developed that way. I'd much rather work less and party more, but it seems impossible to change my lifestyle at this point. My friends look at the party/frat kids and call them "unhealthy." In truth, I would so much rather be partying all the time than studying all the time - even considering future implications. Partying develops social skills and teaches you how to network. Basically, as long as your not a complete tool you can fail through college and still do very well afterwords.

But yea I could use a bit more positivity at times. I guess I'll just have to see where this takes me. That's the only option I really have at the moment.

Thanks again guys. The more input I can get the better.

I just do not believe you can't study and party at the same time. You can also mix it. Tell your friends you need to have fun too, they'll have to understand. The best way to party is to do it when you had some sort of succes. You'll feel less guilty, because you had something to celebrate.

But if there is no way you can party until 2011, than just stick to your plan and party afterwards.

Hey man! Dont worry!

First off, why would we think that you are bragging. A lot of us have this background. You are a nerd. Just stating facts, I am a nerd too. Or at least I was one.

All your degrees and stuff, yeah, so you might get a good education. That has nothing to do with who you are. If you can pull it off, great. Still you will have some spare time to be yourself in.

Your friends, well if you dont like them, find new ones. Going to another school, or the next step is your chance to reinvent yourself. Start over.

I am sure a lot of people hate their lives, you are not alone. But why couldnt you change that? What stops you from going for the things you like in life? You dont have to do anything you dont want to do. It is your life, your choice. Take charge.

It is all in your head!