Sup guys,
I think my posts and everything may have been reset when I changed my username but be sure I'm not just a newbie complaining after not even trying.
But honestly guys I really need help from you. This is one guy reaching out and seeing what he can find because in all honestly I've been losing hope non-stop for a long time now. In return all I can do is open up completely and share my problems at this time with all of you.
Alright I'll just jump straight in and let you guys judge for yourselves.
I'm currently 21 and here's what I'm guessing alot of us have had to admit I'm still a virgin..predominantly by choice but bad luck as well.
Man this is weird writing..i'm not sure how to piece everything. I will describe my bad times but honestly don't take this as a sob story just want to set the full picture.
I was a normal kid until 14/15. I had girlfriends..was a little on the shy side and insisted on waiting for a perfect girl for my first kiss even though my gf and her friends always tried to pressure me. And then my Dad left and really hurt my mum. Because of the extent of the damage he caused I decided relationships never do anything but hurt people. Since then I've never had a girlfriend.
At 15 my best (girl) friend wanted us to have sex and lose our virginity and after a lot of arguements she realised it wasn't going to happen. This girl was pretty amazing - beautiful, fun, tom-boy. It was a friendship that was meant to become more but I was..and am still a bit too confused i guess. Since then I decided if I turn her down I have to find the most amazing girl..to find the most amazing girl I would have to become the perfect guy. So by 17 till now I've built up a really good body, luckily also have a good face, play guitar and sing regularly for payed gigs, breakdance to a competitive level, very well travelled, good at making friends etc etc. I've basically become a lot of what I am for this girl.
When I got to sixth form college/high school I was pretty shy by this time with girls. I had my first kiss when a really annoying girl got me drunk and then kissed me. I hated college because I felt like I knew I'd find the girl then but I didn't. Is it because I was too shy? Not enough of a dick grabbing ass wherever I can..i'm pretty sure yes!! Whenever the prospect of happiness with a girl came along I always become pessimistic but now I'm really working on it.

Fact of the matter is (i want to keep this short!!!) girls do honestly tell me I'm hot and that 'sooo' many girls fancy me but whenever I find a girl I could fall for they NEVER like me back. I don't know what it is. Even with all this and me trying to become a PUA they just never feel the same way. I'm English and in America for a year and even now with this so-called amazing accent girls are definitely not falling at my feet. I can see girls find me really 'hot' but if I return interested everything instantly goes downhill.
These days I get so depressed and constantly feel like giving up. I need something to change..something's not clicking like it seems to be with everyone else at least once in their young lives!!

As a sidenote losing it to a 'perfect' girl is really important to me. It's a definite psychological restriction to me because I know if i do go to bed with them a lot of girls get really pissed off (One girl even threatened to rape me after i got her all heated up.) The biggest problem is I'm actually looking for someone else who has been waiting also and I just don't believe I'll ever find this girl!!! It really does hurt anyone know what i mean?

I guess not many people will even notice this post, let alone reply but I'm trying every solution there is before I give up!! When I first joined this forum I felt everyone might be weird guys who don't give a shit about women or anything apart from pussy. I soon realised that's definitely not true..hence me sharing all this shit that to be honest verrrrry few people know about me.
If anyone made it to the end then thanks for taking the time listen i really appreciate it. Any input; good, bad, ugly would be awesome.
Peace,
Bluemoon21