I know, I really need to grow a pair



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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 10:44 pm 
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I'm attractive, smart, and athletic. There have been girls (typically 5's and below) who have asked me out and asked me to dances. But I'm far from popular because mentally, I matured late and I'm kind of introverted. I have a couple of really good friends that go to other schools and some acquaintances at my school, but I don't have that circle of friends that hang out every weekend and do shit. So I feel that if I sarge the HBs at my school who are partying every weekend, I won't be able to show them a good time. This causes me to be unreactive and very likely to get stuck in the friend zone quite a bit.



Anybody got any advice? Anything that will pump me up, including harsh criticism (like "fuck you, you dumbass afc") is gladly accepted.

Does anybody else feel the way i do?


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 11:13 pm 
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Don't feel like you have to be "fun Bobby." Since you don't normally go out partying every weekend, don't start doing it just to get some girls. I would recommend you go every now and then to be social and build your social circle.

I would recommend that you develop some hobbies and find some INTERESTING ways to have fun. There's nothing special about a guy who's definition of a good time is getting plowed on a Saturday night. Almost any chump can pull that off.

Find something that you enjoy that you can bring her into.

Remember, you're the prize. Be alpha, draw her into your frame, don't just fall into hers.

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No regrets, no failures, only lessons learned.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 4:44 am 
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Rotor is right find some good hobbies to do. Things that are different/interesting so that when you take her to them it makes you look cooler, gives the impression you have better things to do. Also build a circle of friends at your school. Turn those acquaintences into friends. Then through them become friends with their friends. You could be friends with the whole school. You will make yourself more alpha by being popular. Popular doesn't mean the hottest guy out there, it just means the guy who's got the most friends. Getting to know people at your school will also open up your options for activities to do in your spare time. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 5:14 am 
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I tell this to almost everyone I meet who wants to improve his social life: do improv man!

And when you're on stage, do the craziest shit that you've ever done in your life in front of a group of people!
Do stuff like yelling, screaming, pretending to be a mad scientist who can't stop dancing!
Once when we were playing a game of improv I was a hairstylist, one of those soulman priests from South U.S. and Jesus one after the other and shouted at the top of my longs:

-"PRAIIIIIISE THA LORD!!!! PRAISE THE LORD BROTHER!!!!" and started dancing.
Then I transformed into a super cocky/mock PUA Jesus; the crowd loved it and you wanna know what I was doing 30 minutes before that?
Reading philosophy under a stairwell. Alone.

Doing crazy/random shit like that in front of a bunch of people on stage really had a profound (and positive) effect on my social life/skills and it teaches force your adrenaline to come to surface in amazingly constructive ways!

Trust the stage; it's your #1 ally! ;D


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 9:16 pm 
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Oh I see. You grew up attractive and so you never really had to work on being socially ACCEPTED. In other words, socially, you're a newbie. But that's okay, go with that! Now your mission is to gain more social experience. I don't want you to go out pretending to be the most interesting guy in the room, because you don't have the experience to back it up yet. It's like trying to fix a car without parts. What you should do though is become more open to doing anything. Make friends with anybody, and instead of DHVing, just keep asking questions about how stuff works. You're conveying to them that you are not embarassed about being new and that you are willing to participate in THEIR fun time and meriment anyway. They'll feel like you can be that new guy that they can mold into their liking. Pretend like you're interested in ANYTHING. If you SHOW a lot of interest in the conversation, people tend to connect with you easier, because in reality we are all "just trying to be understood", right? The person youre talking to, whether they're bragging about something they did, or is feeling really depressed, will always want to try to make others know how they're are feeling. And they can do so smoothly when they notice that the person they're talking to is interested. Do you get what I'm saying? It's a very subtle concept, but since I grew up like you (attractive but not appealing to women) I want to give you the same advice I used to get out of that rut. When people FEEL that you're sincere in your quest for knowledge, most likely they're not gonna try to blow you off. Of course, when executing this, do it in a very CASUAL manner. You're not trying to be that annoying little brother that is trying to fit in. You're just a curious guy who wants to get to know everyone and everything. Then use that experience to maybe branch off to new interests. It's easier to develop hobbies when you got friends who are willing to show you the ropes.

My example: Grew up like you, until last year. Using this method, I got into the raving scene. I learned to love dance music and learned as much as I can about the scene(how to dance to it, DJing, going to raves) and in doing so, I've opened a lot more opportunities for me to meet new people. This method, though is the slow and painless way out of that AFC rut. Others can suggest you just jumping in to the scene and using mistakes to learn.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 12:40 pm 
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Quote:
Oh I see. You grew up attractive and so you never really had to work on being socially ACCEPTED. In other words, socially, you're a newbie. But that's okay, go with that! Now your mission is to gain more social experience. I don't want you to go out pretending to be the most interesting guy in the room, because you don't have the experience to back it up yet. It's like trying to fix a car without parts. What you should do though is become more open to doing anything. Make friends with anybody, and instead of DHVing, just keep asking questions about how stuff works. You're conveying to them that you are not embarassed about being new and that you are willing to participate in THEIR fun time and meriment anyway. They'll feel like you can be that new guy that they can mold into their liking. Pretend like you're interested in ANYTHING. If you SHOW a lot of interest in the conversation, people tend to connect with you easier, because in reality we are all "just trying to be understood", right? The person youre talking to, whether they're bragging about something they did, or is feeling really depressed, will always want to try to make others know how they're are feeling. And they can do so smoothly when they notice that the person they're talking to is interested. Do you get what I'm saying? It's a very subtle concept, but since I grew up like you (attractive but not appealing to women) I want to give you the same advice I used to get out of that rut. When people FEEL that you're sincere in your quest for knowledge, most likely they're not gonna try to blow you off. Of course, when executing this, do it in a very CASUAL manner. You're not trying to be that annoying little brother that is trying to fit in. You're just a curious guy who wants to get to know everyone and everything. Then use that experience to maybe branch off to new interests. It's easier to develop hobbies when you got friends who are willing to show you the ropes.

My example: Grew up like you, until last year. Using this method, I got into the raving scene. I learned to love dance music and learned as much as I can about the scene(how to dance to it, DJing, going to raves) and in doing so, I've opened a lot more opportunities for me to meet new people. This method, though is the slow and painless way out of that AFC rut. Others can suggest you just jumping in to the scene and using mistakes to learn.
Great advice. I'm going to quote you from the thread in my signature.

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afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html


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