Here is a story I read from Leil Lowndes, which I've tested and found its principles to be true:

Yale psychology researchers once did a study to test the common belief of "more eye contact, more positive feelings." They tested this through the medium of public speaking. All the public speakers were professionals, they all used the same speeches, and were all told to maintain constant eye contact with the audience. They did several tests using different gender variations both in the audiences and with the speakers. Afterward, the audiences would complete surveys and interviews regarding their feelings toward the speaker. The results were this....

Female speaker to female audience = the female audiences felt increased rapport and connection with the speaker when they held eye contact.

Male speaker to female audience (and vice versa) = the audiences felt increased rapport and connection with the speaker when they held eye contact.

Male speaker to male audience = The male audiences would actually became uncomfortable and sometimes hostile towards the male speaker who held constant eye contact with them.

I personally never felt comfortable maintaining constant eye contact with other males. I will hold it for a few seconds, but I will periodically break it away and come back. This study showed us that kind of "on and off" eye contact between males is actually the natural way to do it.

The study has another implication as well. What this basically all means is that as a guy, it is completely OK to maintain constant eye contact with a woman. It won't create discomfort. In fact, if you watch women as they interact with each other, you will see that they will most often maintain constant eye contact. Its kind of freaky once you start noticing it!

Here is a principle to improve your eye contact; its called "Sticky Eyes". When speaking to a woman, pretend like your eyes are stuck to hers. Now noobs, don't interpret this as you need to stare them down or be creepy! All it means is that you should hold relaxed eye contact and be comfortable to go where she goes. You can even try counting the number of times they blink, or making sure to remember their eye color. When speaking to another male, you should use "Semi-Sticky Eyes". This means not to be afraid to have eye contact, but you shouldn't stare them down or anything (unless you don't like them), because it really does create discomfort after a while.

Male to Female = Sticky Eyes
Female to Female = Sticky Eyes
Male to Male = Semi-Sticky Eyes

Anyways, I hope this is all helpful. Good luck!

Great! i've always felt kind of uncomfortable making eye contact, especially with like teachers etc...

A trick I've learned: don't look them in the eyes if it's uncomfortable, but look at the tip of the nose, or the spot right between the eyes. They won't notice, I assure you.

Anyway, I'm not sure about the advice that you should count the amount of blinks. That way you'll get distracted from the message the person is conveying, it might make you look stupid. If you're talking to someone, and especially girls, really listen to what they're saying, respond intelligently.

If you're counting blinks you could be nodding at wrong moments etc..

Have you ever considered that these males may be beta males? I thought you were here to create your own frame. If your frame requires you to simply keep eye contact with a male then you do it. If they feel uncomfortable it's their problem.

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I didn't mean that you should always be counting blinks. I just meant that it is a good exercise to help you get into the habit of maintaining eye contact.

You keep eye contact, just not constant eye contact.

Disliking constant eye contact with other males doesn't necessarily make you a beta male. Some people (myself included) don't like it because it feels kind of gay after a while.

im going to try this tonight, thanks man !

hey guys,

i wrote a thread on eye contact theories, check it out: [link]

also, i've been reading a book about body language lately and there was a part on dilating pupils. i don't always take the facts seriously but i found this one interesting, i think it can be related to eye contact. it is said that according to studies, pupil size increases when people view something that stimulates them. on the opposite, it decreases when they see unpleasant things. in other words, it is very common that when a woman is attracted to a man, she will dilate her pupils at him and most of the time he decodes this signal without knowing it. also, when you show 2 pictures of the same man (or woman) with different pupil size, women (or men) will always pick the most dilating pupil one as the more attractive.

of course, there can be many explanations for a set's pupil to dilate, but these studies show it could be a good sign! anyway, it is a good reason to lock eye contact with girls: try to notice if the pupil change size. but of course, keep the smile that goes with it, or else that's scary!

I couldn't be assed to read this but going by the title I would sum it up like this practice practice practice, don't try to get laid and don't use your best eye contact too early.

Also the whole eye size thing is all cool in the lab and makes sense but too a degree I can control my pupils to great effect, sit infront of a mirror and practice, look at your eyes and imagine naked women/the coolest present you ever got/ your favorite band, I can't describe it but after a half hour you will see what I mean.

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also imagine the girl naked and fingering herself over you, walk down the street making eyecontact with every female in this way and you will se what I mean.

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I'm a psych student at one of the top universities in the U.S. The dilation of eyes is extremely accurate. I know it's getting off topic from eye contact, but dilation of the pupils can be a really subtle IOI if you look for it. Also, eye contact with other males should not be maintained constantly. For many men, this is seen as a challenge and depending on if you are ready to argue or literally fight, intense eye contact with other males should be minimized. I follow a two second rule. Look for a few seconds, then go ahead and look away. DO NOT LOOK DOWN. The best way is to act as if their is something more interesting that catches your eye. If you look down, you simply convey the image that you are weak and intimidated. Also, if you do find yourself in an awkward stare-down with another male, simply nod your head. This is submissive, yet shows mutual respect. Most of the time they will acknowledge this, nod back, and you can avoid any hostility.

-Patience.

It should also be noted that one shouldn't break eye contact downward when speaking to a hb also. I have read about dialation of the eye as an ioi and also remember reading that it can take a minimum of a month of practise and effort before you start to see the benefits!

on an obvious note, light affects the dilation of the pupil and it is thought that this is why many romantic restaurants have dull lighting.

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Good post! Dats also part o e reason y lovers like dark corners, less light means naturally dilated pupils.

Dilated pupils also works both ways ie. man's pupils dilate, woman decodes dis on a subconscious level as attraction so her pupils dilate as well, den man sees woman's dilated pupils, his pupils dilate further & so on. Dis helps escalates mutual feelings of attraction.

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SpicySweet

practicing on guys is also a great way to get over EC anxiety, if you can be comfortable with intense guy eye contact you will be fine wit women

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Great post. I was doing an entry from Rules of the Game about eye contact and was doing well with it, then played poker with male friends of mine and was still thinking about it, and felt so weird maintaining constant eye contact just with my friends, and with males in general you're right, it's like you're sort of staring each other down and it's just weird.

thanks this will help my rough patches of my game!

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