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Don't get insecure if people here tell you if you are only good at something if you're better than the others
This is the self help BS that really gets under my skin. The definition you're implying is:
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adept: having or showing knowledge and skill and aptitude
Good is relative. Good only exists because there is bad. If you haven't done anything measurable to test your skill, well. . . are you really good? How do you know? Because your mommy said so?
Did you know 93% of US drivers consider themselves in the top 50% of drivers. Or that 68% of teachers at the University of Nebraska thought they were in the top 25% of teachers. Or 87% of those masters of the universe at Stanford MBA school rated themselves as being in the top 50% of their class. Or 85% of people think they are in the top 50% for leadership ability. In case you're good at statistics without taking a test on statistics, being in the top 50% is better than average, or "good".
That's the point. You can tell yourself you're "good" all day. . . or you can pick something and actually get "good" at it. Or you can rationalize that someone will always be better to protect your fragile self esteem from the failure of trying and the eventual revelation you're in the bottom 50%. Or maybe you can be good at being delusional.
The technical term is called illusory superiority, in case you want to become more self aware.
This is were the PU community dissapoints me or you have missed the point.
This is an example I see happening with guys who learn PU and who don't have the right inner game. He learns about being alfa male. The alfa male is confident, a leader, is good at anything, and such. He is going to think about alfa males they know in their life or from films. He sees that those alfa males attract a lot of chicks. He thinks "damn, I got to be like that too!"
And so he changes his behavior. He activly act like a "confident" douche, always want to have the last word, win every conversation, always want to lead, lears to play guitare because he thinks it's a chick magnet ...
Then he goes out. Sometimes it goes well, scores a number or two, has a k-close, and more often, he gets blown out. Then he see a natural, not particulary an alfa or the high schools jock, and he seduces some hot chicks.
Now the pseudo alfa male, he thinks "why does that natural get the chicks so easily? I learned all this stuff, I'm alfa, I look good, he's ugly and afc and doesn't know the tricks, he doesn't have game!".
And so he gets frustrated. But he is trying to hide it by doing like he's confident and doesnt care. He is overcompensating. Meanwhile, he adapted some more extreme alfa male principles: "there are either alfa males or losers","I think this is cool because alfas are supposed to find that cool, and that is stupid because alfas are supposed to find it stupid", every action which is not directly alfa is considered to be a loser action, and he always wants to win: winning is for alfas, losing is for losers, and he gets highly frustrated if he loses a football (soccer) game even if he did well. He get's even more frustrated if he doesn't play well that day because the hard thruth arrives: he maybe isn't as good as he always want to tell himself, or want to be.
And in the end, he became good at playing guitare. He learned it himself. Maybe watched some youtube films, but he didn't look much at others to be better. He didn't take classes for it. He didn't have the need to be better than anyone else. The only thing he maybe realy wanted was to learn guitare and some popular songs so he could impress some girls when coming over to his house. And yet he became good.
But in the end, his frustrations, overcompensated by his alfa attitudes, didn't lead to him bringing girls home to whom he played guitare. He hasn't played guitare for any chick yet.
The only thing for him is to start accepting things: he maybe isn't that good, they're other people who will always be better, and it's ok, you can't help it. Maybe it's better to release the pressure from him and to start all over again. Don't look at what other people do, only about yourself. Do what suits you best. He must remove all his negativity and start being positive, but he can't. He sees positivity for losers who lie to themselfs.
But although deep inside he knows he sucks, his alfa mentality says "no! I'm not accepting that I lost. That's for losers. And I'm alfa I'm a winner. I never give up"
I used to be like that too. Fortunatly, by learning more inner game, by self acceptance, I got over this and I don't pretend anymore to be the alfa male. Unfortunatly, I have seen this also happening with friends. Some who dealt better with it and some who unfortunatly still didn't.
Realy, look at yourself. And yeah you should have watched television or other people sometimes to be able to set the standards of what is supposed to be good or able to know that you're not good on you're first day. But after that, you should set the goals and standards for yourself. You might be a very good football player, having made 5 goals in 3 games, but even then there might be 1 or 2 guys who play better in the team. You can be very good internaly, but there will always be external factors, factors on which you don't have a grip on, why you can't be the best. Look at the internal factors, not at the external factors.
CHAT
