I've been working so hard to build up a balanced social life and work life the past few months. I've been keeping on top of all my uni work, constantly fighting against procastination, working on my confidence and self-esteem, opening up to people emotionally and trying to expand my social circles. I've done boxing, muay thai, yoga, composing music, improvising. I want to do more things like that as well.

But a few weeks ago, I had a golden opportunity to get with someone I feel really connected with, emotionally and physically, and just blew it completely. I don't feel like I'm going to get another shot and no other girls have been showing interest in me lately. I've been going about my daily routine with ups and downs. Mostly, I feel apathetic and uninterested in the things I do, but I just keep doing them robotically because I feel like one day I'll overcome my depression and know what it really feels like to be happy. Then other days, I'll go out, drink too much and feel hungover and full of regrets the next few days. Wake up at noon, buy takeaway food and not do very much most of the day. I see people and make polite conversation because I know it's important to keep on good terms with everyone, but I just don't feel it and those people can see that I'm not truly engaging with them and feel offended because of it. I'm losing motivation and the worst part is that I know I'm only a few hurdles away from getting the things I really want but just can't seem to muster the energy to push a bit harder.

I've read Dale Carnegie, I've got out there, I've exposed my personality and vulnerabilities, I've made genuine attempts to engage with people, I don't know what more I have to do...

Most of what you talk about is based in selfish thinking. What can you do to improve your own life? There is a spiritual axiom that says "Give and you will receive." This has been very true in my life. I suggest focusing each day on what you can do to serve the people around you. You will find much more deep fulfillment that way in the long run.

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